It's 1am and I'm laying here in bed having a hard time sleeping because I miss you so much. It's amazing to me how disconnected I felt to you while you were in your mother's womb and yet you stole my heart when you came into this world. Seeing you for the first time took my breath away. I'm going to be honest, I was afraid to see you. I was afraid of your birth defects and what they would look like. But something amazing happened. The second that I saw you and laid my eyes on you, it's like nothing mattered. You were perfect to me and I couldn't stop staring at you. You were beautiful in every way. I couldn't wait to hold you and feel you in my arms. Even though you had left this world to be with Jesus, your body was still warm as I held you. I just wish I could have seen you open your eyes. I like to think that you had my blue eyes.
I have shed many tears for you, longing to be with you. I remember when the nurse gave us our final minutes with you to say good bye. I didn't want to leave you behind, I so badly wanted to bring you home with me. I prayed over your body and kissed you on the forehead. One kiss for each of my family members. I sang to you the only song I could think of...
Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
I'm sure you heard me singing and it wasn't my best but it was all I could muster up through all the tears. I'm so thankful for your life. How you helped mold me into a better man. I will brag about you till the day I die and rejoice at the fact I will get to be with you for eternity.
Please watch over your mother and I as we grieve. I know how incredibly hard this has been for me and I can't imagine how she must be feeling. She loved you as only a mother could. She cuddles with your stuffed monkey we got you several months ago, longing to have it be you instead. Our journey is just beginning and we have great friends and family surrounding us.
It's 2:00 now and I'm tired, so I'm going try to rest my eyes and hope to dream of you.
I love with all my heart
Daddy
Praying for you and your family during this sad time.
ReplyDeleteYour word bring back the heartache my husband I felt 41 years ago when our baby was stillborn. You are very fortunate to hve been able to hold him and to have seen his beautiful face. we did not have that opportunity back then. They just told us the baby was a girl and took her to be buried. My heart KNOWS she was beautiful and I have held her over and over in my mind. MY Prayers are with you as you travel this lonely road that no one else can share with you. This is YOUR grief and only time will lessen it. Never will those visions or words spoken to you leave, it will get better but never go completely away. Take care of each other.
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys..
ReplyDeleteI am praying for both of you in your time of grief. May God give you strength for each step of this journey.
ReplyDeleteI too lost an infant after birth. Take you time through your grief, don't let others tell you how or how long to grieve. My heart goes out to you both, may the angels wrap their arms around you and give you some comfort. Your little angel is safe in the arms of Jesus and one day you will see her again! Blessings to you both.
ReplyDeleteDanny, I've been thinking about you guys and praying for you every time you cross my mind.
ReplyDeleteI Just happened upon this through a mutual friend and am deeply saddened by your loss, yet encouraged by your openness and trust in the Father. My prayers are with you both as you walk the long road ahead. May you be strengthened and lifted up when you feel like you have nothing left. Blessings to you and your family.
ReplyDelete