Normal, change and risks

A lot of my conversations lately have revolved around what is normal and change.

I have realized that when I talk to people and they ask how life is, I generally say something about it being crazy. I realized yesterday that my normal is crazy. It's not what I thought life would be at this point, but it's normal for right now. The exciting part of this new normal is watching God continually work out the details and always working on relinquishing my control of what I thought normal should be. I'm learning again that you have to roll with the punches. Don't hold so tightly onto this life because it is forever changing, and that's ok. We all have different normals because we're in different seasons, different circumstances of life.

A friend from high school used to tell me that if her current boyfriend (whom she's now married to) wasn't God's best then that was fine. That simply meant that God's best was even better, which was pretty cool. It's been really good to be reminded of that truth in the current season. Even if I like where I'm, if God moves me it only means that His plans and ways are still better than what I've got. Isaiah 55:8-9 speaks to His plans and ways being higher and better than ours. So good. So glad He's truth and I'm not.

Along with normal, Danny and I were talking about the education system Saturday. I'm not happy with it. I'm not happy with the generation we're currently raising and the curriculum in the school I'm at. Curriculum should be student-based, not teacher-based. It was adopted out of necessity but I look at the students and what they don't know and the skills they're missing because of this curriculum. It makes me sick. It's definitely a passion. And Danny did what Darrell did years ago that jump-started the whole process.

"What are you going to do about it?"

Ugh. I have no idea. I've been putting off my Masters for many reasons, not looking forward to going back to school at this stage of life, but this question puts me in a place of understanding it's probably part of the process. I don't have any answers yet but it takes me back to normal.

I'm not happy with what's currently normal in the education system, with unions making decisions and great teachers being cut and crappy curriculum being used. The thing is, if I don't like what's normal, the only thing I can change is me. That's the starting block. If I don't like normal I have to look around and research and put forth effort into seeing what can be changed. Often times this involves risk. Change is risk. It always will involve some sort of risk because it is normally outside of our comfort zone. So if I'm not willing to change or take risks, then I have to stop complaining about my normal. If I'm not willing to put forth the effort and get out of my comfort zone and trust God with new things, I have to stop talking about it. It's a helpful thought in figuring out what's really important and what do I really believe in.

In Teen Mania we were encouraged to dream as big as God dreams because His dreams will always be even bigger. We were also encouraged to believe that if we could do something on our own, it wasn't big enough. If we could do something on our own, why would we need to trust God? If it looks impossible to you and to those around you, then there's a much better chance that it's the Lord. I don't believe that God calls us to comfort. We may live comfortably in one sense or the other, but I am a firm believer in God wanting us to seek opportunities that are outside of our comfort zone. How will I change and grow if I'm not trying new things and taking risks? It's interesting to see some truths I learned from 10 years ago coming full circle in this season. There are things I was never interested in, places I was never interested in, things I never thought about doing, but if it's what He's calling me to then I'm ready for that adventure. Hold on tight to Him and not the world. This world will pass away and will fail you always. He is the best adventure you could ever search after.

The silver lining

I'm looking for it. Some days are easier than others.

I chose my emotions this week. It amazes me sometimes how I work. How I can be fine at work, enjoying my classes and being around students and teaching, and then get home and fall apart and have my "good" attitude completely disipate. I was a goober this week and had to apologize to Danny for it. It wasn't helpful to anyone.

We're suffering through life right now. It's not fun, but that's the reality. I'm also realizing that we're being tested. I think I'd rather focus on the testing and see what God has in store than the suffering. Granted, we're promised suffering, we're promised trials. Jesus went through them. We will too. It doesn't make them easier, but makes them more worth it. With testing though, I've been reminded that faith needs to be exercised just like our bodies do. If we don't exercise our bodies, they become lumps of fat and we become lazy and unmotivated. Our faith takes the same dive when we don't exercise it. I really don't want a faith that has atrophied from lack of use. So I'm claiming the promises that the testing of our faith produces endurance (James 1:2-4).

Honestly, life is about Jesus. That's the true silver lining. We like to claim Jeremiah 29:11, that God has plans to prosper us. But verse 12 and 13 go on to talk about how when we pray, He will listen, and when we seek Him with our whole heart, we'll find Him. It's about the process. He wants us to know Him. He is the goal, nothing else. He is the best. Obeying Him is better than whatever we have today. Do we love Him more? I didn't this week. I stayed in my emotional mess that got me nowhere.

I have no control over our lives. I have no control over the details of our finances. I can do everything in my power, or I can rely on the power of God through the Holy Spirit. I can focus my energies on living how I think I should, or I can focus my energies on knowing the Father and trusting in His power. He's provided for 16 months of L.A. and countless more before that. I have to give up my ideas about the details and know Him.

The great part? His word is Truth. He is my Rock, my Salvation, my ever-present help in time of trouble. He has provided a group of amazing friends in our lives to support and love us through this time. He knows the plans, which means working out the details is His problem, which means I don't need to worry about them. Working on walking in Truth this week. I know I sound like a broken record. I wish I didn't. But I'm praying that God is glorified through the journey, and if He is, then it's worth it. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less (John 3:30).