Sunday, November 29, 2009

Lessons

I feel like I'm finally beginning to learn some of Satan's tactics that he uses here specifically. He steals joy, he steals time and makes relationships really hard to keep, and he lies and steals truth. These are biblical, mind you, but I don't feel like I've ever seen these tactics used so blatantly before. The people that I come in contact with on a daily basis; I can see them in their lives. I can see them in my own life. I see the effects of them all around me. I think I've talked about LA being a world in and of itself before. This just goes along with that. The fall of man is evident everywhere. I grew up in a nice little conservative town where it was taken for granted that everyone was in church, or at least knew about going to church. Even when we got to FL it was a similar situation. That's just not the case here.

With these tactics of the enemy I'm working on learning how to fight. I've had a really emotional week. I was waiting to hear back from an interview that I really wanted and I was putting my trust and hope in that instead of in my Creator. Not a good choice. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me despite my flaws, and celebrates good news no matter what. I got the new job but it's part time hours at first until there are enough clients. I'm working for Autism Behavior Interventions. I'll be working one-on-one with kids with autism to help them learn new behaviors. The training is scattered across the work day so this coming week I'll be at Massage Envy, ABI, and then tutoring as much as possible. It looks really crazy on my calendar and so my motto has become to take it one day at a time. I can't do more than that and I'm not asked to. I'm excited about this new job and all that it brings with it but it's going to be tricky scheduling until it's full-time and until I finish my tutoring hours with 4 of my 6 students. But I'm choosing today not to worry and to trust in my Creator. He's in control and I'm not. He is my security.

Another tactic I've noticed is that the enemy likes to isolate people here. We're all trying to make it and there is no job security. We're all trying to catch up on debt, pay off debt, keep up with all the bills, and then have some extra cash to play with. That means we're all busy working. Working and being away from people keeps you from sharing, keeps you from being vulnerable and living in community. We can't live without people. I know I personally need a community to be involved in where I'm learning from others and have the opportunity to give as well. This is hard when everyone is involved in lots of things and has no time. So I'm relearning what it means to be intentional about relationships. It's hard but I know it's worth it, and it's necessary in my life.

Finally Pastor Tim talked about suffering in church today. It was really great to be reminded of the fact that no matter what suffering might feel like to me today, it's all worth it when compared to the glory that comes in the end. We suffer with Christ. It's part of our conversion. We were never promised a life of wonderful happiness. We are promised to be cared for and to have joy. Joy is different than happiness. It's more and more about choices and suffering comes along with that. Rejoice in all things. All things.

I want to catch up with all of you, friends and family. Time is not available right now, especially with the difference for those of you out of state. I have been missing home a lot lately and that entails all of the places I've lived and those who have been a part of those seasons. But I'm learning and know we're where we're supposed to be. Joy comes in the morning:) Love to you all. Be blessed during the holiday season that is upon us and choose joy!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Jesus

Church has been really great the last 2 weeks, leaving me feeling like I need to blog and write it all down. Then I get home and it's just not there. So here goes nothing.

This week he jumped into Romans 8:12-13. We'll be here 2 weeks in a row. I truly enjoy how Pastor Tim can divulge 2 verses and pull them apart to the point where it takes 2 weeks to get through. These 2 verses talk about killing sin. That was today's title. He was completely passionate about the fact that where our country is with evil and violence is in direct relation to the fact that the majority of us do NOT kill sin in our lives. We let it hang out and reason with us about staying right where it's at. Sin should not be at home in our lives. He likened sin to cancer. Do we have mercy on cancer? Not one bit. Sin should be seen the exact same way; show no mercy and get it out. Unfortunately with cancer there is no cure. With sin, we have Jesus. We have the Holy Spirit. We have all the tools we need in order to be successful in getting sin out of our lives. And yet we reason with sin, and we reason with Jesus. Can't I let you be in control of everything except for this one little bit of sin that I really like having around and holding onto? That's not how it works. Kick it out and don't let it return.

More and more I'm learning this is not an easy process, for anyone. We all have our sins that we're dealing with. No one is perfect. I know I have tendencies to get it rid of sin in certain ways and those aren't always correct either. I need Jesus. Straight-up. Nothing else is going to cure this cancer I have. And it doesn't feel good; just like chemo and radiation don't feel good. But when it works, you do whatever it takes to get healthy right? Really good word. Great reminder of truth.

I wrote last time about LA not being home. That's a continual process for me. Sometimes I feel like it's getting better and then something happens that makes me miss everything and everyone else in my life. I think part of it is the sheer process of transition and finding new friends. We have great people in our small group and at church and others we've met through work, don't get me wrong. In talking about getting sin out at church today Tim also talked about the need to have people in our lives to help with this process. I know I have spoken some harsh truths to close friends in the recent months and I'm thankful that they've accepted it for what it was and took it in the love I was hoping to give. That's part of being friends that I love. And maybe that's something I haven't completely found here yet. Partly I don't know that I've opened up completely to people yet and really let them speak into my life like that, and partly I'm not sure if I've found those people here.... yet. I anticipate they're all around me. I have also been amazed at the busy-ness of people's lives here. We're all trying to make, working towards something and spending all our time doing it. There's very little down-time and it's super hard to actually spend quality time with people. I met a friend at work a couple months ago and we've gotten together for dinner once. We haven't been able to since b/c our schedules clash so much. I miss the regularity of my teaching job. There was so much in my life that was comfortable simply b/c I was teaching. That's probably part of all this change in my life and realizing the differences of being here.

All this to say - kill sin, and love people. I love people and I love giving. I am also relearning some boundaries in my giving though b/c I can easily give too much and be completely spent on one person. That's not healthy. So much learning. Not much time to spend learning it. And working on living it. Working on just being and enjoying life for all it is here. So many many amazing people here.

PS though. I miss and love every single person in my life that I'm not seeing and talking to on a regular basis. That means those of you in IN, in FL, around the world, and spread across this beautiful country. With the sermon today I was just reminded of the goodness and joy of friends who have spoken into my life about things that need to change, with love. Thank you for loving me enough to want what's best, even when it's hard to say.