I know

I don't care.
We all say this sentence. It's so simple, so easy. When I hear it in a heated conversation, I try to back off. I wouldn't want to offend someone who already knows. But then I realized what we really mean is, "I don't care." Because if you know, and you choose to do nothing about it, then you really don't care.

Words versus actions.
Until your words become actions, you either really don't know, or you don't care enough to make them real in your life. I know the Truth. I promise I do. I know I fight a battle for my emotions every day. I know that battle gets tiring. I know I get weary. I still know the truth, but notice how all these other "knowings" are starting to take over?

Feelings versus actions.
I've battled this week. Actually, I've been in a battle this week and even though I know what to do, I didn't do it. I can tell you that I know, but it wasn't real to me this week. I chose for it not to be real. I chose to let it sit in my brain and not affect my heart and my emotions. My emotions failed because of that, and I lost. That's what happens when "I know" really means "I don't care."

TV Drama

Changed Response

I've been watching Felicity on Netflix. Last night I realized that my emotions are being affected by a TV show. It came to me when I was interacting with my husband and the way I would have normally responded didn't happen because I had just been watching this show. 

Real vs. Fake

TV is a way to escape from our own realities, and I agree, this can be good and fun sometimes. When it starts to affect the way I treat the ones I love, it makes me stop and think though. The shows we watch may be based on real experiences, or real life situations, but the ways in which those situations are resolved are not usually the way I choose to do it.

I think specifically of daytime soap operas. These are an extreme case mind-you, but I realized last night that Felicity has become a soap opera for me. I'm involved with the characters lives, wondering what's going to happen next, and affected by their drama.

These are normal emotions to have as you experience life with friends, but when I start to experience those same emotions from a TV show where I am not friends with those characters, I realize it's time to step back. 

Unhealthy Expectations of What Life Should be Like

I compare Felicity to daytime soaps because it would be so easy for me to get caught up in the show and begin to think the way they're living is the way my life should be lived, or begin to question why my life doesn't look like theirs. I will be the first to admit, I struggle with my emotions, with keeping control of them and focusing them on what's good. This is the reason I know I need to stop watching Felicity. I don't want to expect my life to look like this TV show. That's not reality. 

I want my life to be focused on the Lord, focused on His Word, focused on what is good and holy and just. These are not values I see on screen most of the time. I am acknowledging that I am a human and that I need boundaries in my life in order for me to live well. I don't want to expect anything that God has not promised, and I want to be fully aware of what His promises are. I want to be fully engaged in the life that I'm living in, the one that He has for me, not one that I'm trying to escape to.