The last few months have been rough, not feeling good about life and opportunities and frustrated. I've let it all hang out on here so you should know:)
Today I'm 100% lighter and my spirit is soaring with the Creator all because of a great conversation that started with a dear friend who spoke wisdom. We discussed this desert we've been in and the ability to get out. She mentioned going back to the last thing God said, and I had to go look. If you're interested, reference these:
http://rochiemochie.xanga.com/695914977/clarification/
http://danny-ro.blogspot.com/2009/10/new-revelation.html
I haven't read this since writing them. I hadn't thought about them. The last few months I've stuck myself in a box. I've found my identity in teaching and become super frustrated about my current situation. My joy has been lost because of the situation, because my hope was no longer in my Creator but in my career. Ewww.
I've gotten so passionate about teaching and the education system, which are good things. In that, I've lost site of what God has really created me to do though. I've gotten stuck on being a teacher, not on loving people.
In rereading these two posts, going back to the last thing God spoke, I remembered that I'm created to love people. Teaching is a gift and a large part of what God has created me to do, but I'm created to love and encourage. So instead of focusing on teaching and finding that job, I'm focusing on the Lord and what opportunities He has in store. I can feel the freedom this perspective brings, the freedom finding hope in the Lord brings instead of taking on the responsibilities of this life on my own. I'm done living in a box that I've created and ready to jump into faith and watch where the Lord directs me.
Love.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Fight
Last night I got mad. The summer has always been a little tricky as a teacher. With a salary, things are much easier. When that is not the case, we do other things. We just had a lovely weekend in San Diego and then Monday morning, bright and early, the other car gives out. Life happens, right? Ugh.
In this place of frustration this was not what I was looking for. So I'm thinking through our finances last night, wondering how it's all going to work out (again), getting more upset, and having a slight pity party.
You know when you're having that party right? When you question God and wonder about His plans and wonder what in the world is happening right now to glorify Him? And then my brain engaged with my Spirit and I was reminded of many beautiful discussions I've had lately. The fact that the Word of God is truth, in every circumstance, and that I can't live by my circumstance but by the Truth. The fact that I have been given all power and authority in the heavenly realms and that maybe, just maybe, God is lovingly waiting on me to jump in and be a part of this fight. And finally, the fact that if we resist the devil, he must flee.
So we fought last night, in the heavenly realm, and it felt good. I was, and am still, mad at the devil for fighting against us, for using the same lies he's used for ages and thinking that we're going to fall for them. I'm done sitting on my tush and waiting for his next attack. I'm engaging in this battle and taking back the promises of God. I'm standing on the Rock, leaning into the Fortress that cannot be moved. I'm finding my joy and strength from the One who never changes. It's going to be a fight, I can count on that. But I know that the war is already won and I'm on the winning side. So now it's just time to start living instead of surviving, fighting for the life that I'm called to instead of waiting on the world to come through for me. The world holds nothing. The Word of God is where life begins.
In this place of frustration this was not what I was looking for. So I'm thinking through our finances last night, wondering how it's all going to work out (again), getting more upset, and having a slight pity party.
You know when you're having that party right? When you question God and wonder about His plans and wonder what in the world is happening right now to glorify Him? And then my brain engaged with my Spirit and I was reminded of many beautiful discussions I've had lately. The fact that the Word of God is truth, in every circumstance, and that I can't live by my circumstance but by the Truth. The fact that I have been given all power and authority in the heavenly realms and that maybe, just maybe, God is lovingly waiting on me to jump in and be a part of this fight. And finally, the fact that if we resist the devil, he must flee.
So we fought last night, in the heavenly realm, and it felt good. I was, and am still, mad at the devil for fighting against us, for using the same lies he's used for ages and thinking that we're going to fall for them. I'm done sitting on my tush and waiting for his next attack. I'm engaging in this battle and taking back the promises of God. I'm standing on the Rock, leaning into the Fortress that cannot be moved. I'm finding my joy and strength from the One who never changes. It's going to be a fight, I can count on that. But I know that the war is already won and I'm on the winning side. So now it's just time to start living instead of surviving, fighting for the life that I'm called to instead of waiting on the world to come through for me. The world holds nothing. The Word of God is where life begins.
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Good - Great really. 7 amazing years with this one guy named Danny. Praising God for our time together. Spending a weekend of rest together, a weekend of enjoying each other without distraction and recognizing who we are and what we want. So blessed to have him, to be secure in our relationship because of the One who started it all. A beautiful thing to reminisce about the beginning and the journey. 7 years. All glory to Him.
Bad/Ugly - These kind of go together. Here's the vulnerability friends. I'm a pretty disciplined person at heart. I like it, crave it even. The last month or so, this has not been the case. Time with the One who I know is in control of it all has not happened. And I'm starting to actually recognize the consequences. And yet I'm not compelled to change my ways. My heart desires it, my Spirit is crying out for it, and yet I'm motionless in that direction. I miss my Father. I'm finding my joy is waning, somewhat gone if truth is spoken. Frustration comes more easily, negativity abounds. This is not the person I'm created to be. And I don't like it. And yet, why I feel incapable of change I do not know. I'm tired of being stuck though. I'm ready for newness.
Bad/Ugly - These kind of go together. Here's the vulnerability friends. I'm a pretty disciplined person at heart. I like it, crave it even. The last month or so, this has not been the case. Time with the One who I know is in control of it all has not happened. And I'm starting to actually recognize the consequences. And yet I'm not compelled to change my ways. My heart desires it, my Spirit is crying out for it, and yet I'm motionless in that direction. I miss my Father. I'm finding my joy is waning, somewhat gone if truth is spoken. Frustration comes more easily, negativity abounds. This is not the person I'm created to be. And I don't like it. And yet, why I feel incapable of change I do not know. I'm tired of being stuck though. I'm ready for newness.
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