Land mines

I know right?! Who chooses a title like that?

I appreciate that the Lord never fails us and never forgets about (forsakes) us. I have to admit that I don't always appreciate His timing.

I'm finding that it's actually not a lack of trust and faith in Him right now, but a lack of practice and living it. We very consciously took ourselves out of community and focused on our marriage. Our marriage needed that time, was blessed by that time. Without that intentional meeting of people together on a weekly basis though, I don't find myself talking about my faith as much.

Community is about living together with people, learning together with like-minded people, discussing life and the Lord and how it all works together. There's always a time of prayer and always space to encourage one another and be encouraged. Outside of an intentional group, it's funny how those key components don't happen. Encouragement and prayer should flow from us as Christians, but it doesn't. Maybe I'll leave that for another post.

What I'm finding right now is that I actually don't have a lack of faith and trust in the One that I've known my whole life. I have a lack of practice, a lack of living it. I also have frustrations because there are some unanswered prayers, or at least prayers I've wanted answered specifically that didn't happen the way I was hoping for. So I'm not over it, I'm not through it. There's still stuff, but I'm learning what the real stuff is.

Those land mines? I'm gonna call them all the ways in which I'm not content. I'm also gonna call them all the ways in which I feel like I get to fix it, when in reality I need to continue to let Him fix it. There's a lot of things I want right now that I don't have - hello discontentment. Some of those things I feel like I can touch, like I can be part of the solution. It can be good for me to get involved, but I have to continually remind myself, and be reminded, that I'm not superwoman. I'm not God.

So the journey continues. The one where I focus on Him and choose faith daily. The one where I choose to be intentional about talking to Him and giving him my wants because He's ultimately the one I trust to take care of them. The one where I choose to be intentional about sharing this life, giving and receiving encouragement. The one where I choose to let Him do the work because it's part of who He is. The one where I trust the Holy Spirit to lead me in Daddy's timing and stop trying to just do it my way.