What are you afraid of?

1 Samuel 12:12 NLT (Samuel speaking) "But when you were afraid of Nahash, the king of Ammon, you came to me and said that you wanted a king to reign over you, even though the LORD your God was already your king."

The Israelites acted out of fear in asking for a king. They wanted to be like everyone else and have a king who would fight for them. Samuel warned them about the ramifications of having a king, but they didn't care. Fear was their driving force.

Which got me thinking about the decisions I've made recently and if I've made any of them out of fear. It also made me think about my future and the thoughts I've had concerning where I'm going. If I'm being honest with myself, I've let fear creep in.

I don't like to acknowledge that, to acknowledge that there's fear in my life about my present and my future. It's unsettling. But seeing the thoughts as fearful allows me to see them as the lies they are.

Acknowledging fear feels a bit like a backwards step, but my identity in Him rises up and enables me to battle as the conqueror that I am. I'm thankful that what feels backwards is really just giving Him the opportunity to shine as His strength is made perfect in my weakness. A life lived in fear is not a life that I'm interested in because I believe the truth of 1 John 4:18, that perfect love casts out fear.

Even in putting this out to the masses tonight, my initial thought was of fear, so I'm stepping out in faith instead. So, what are you afraid of? Is that fear truth, or is it a lie? If you're like me and thinking about who He's made you to be and what He's called you to do, I encourage you to join me in finding the fears that may have crept in and speaking His truth instead.

You are loved. You are worth it.

Hashtag Adulting?

Have you noticed that #adulting is a thing? I bring this up is because being back in Indiana has very much been about being an adult. It's a simple reality that means we need to take responsibility for the ways in which we've been living and the consequences on our current situation.

The biggest thing I'm learning is that being an adult means being responsible. Not just for myself, but for my husband and our marriage, for our stuff, for our present and our future, for our health (emotional/mental, physical, and spiritual), and for our relationships. Doing all this has actually made me feel empowered, like I'm taking an active part of my life and truly living. Some of it has even been life-changing, something I don't say lightly.


























Are you accepting the responsibilities that are in your life? Are you taking an active part in your future? I'd love to hear your experience.

Choose your own adventure

Have you ever realized that life as an adult is ultimately the best children's book idea ever?

As a child I loved to read. I was the kid who was at the library a couple times a week to take a stack full of books home with me. One of my favorite types of book were the ones where you got to choose your own ending, and there were multiple ways you could get there. There was a choice to make at the end of every chapter!

After moving across the country (again) and not having a job lined up (again), I've had a lot of time to think. Just like the books I loved growing up, it's time to choose my new adventure!

Now there are two ways to think about this:

1. That's ridiculous and scary and holy crap crazy! 

Or.....

 

2. It's exciting! There's a whole life ahead of us that's full of choices to make and we get to choose!

I won't lie. As a 30+ woman who has started over already, this really wasn't the way I wanted it to go. I wanted it to be smooth and easy, to just fall into place without a lot of work. Unfortunately it's not going that way. I'm gonna have to put myself out there, have to be an extrovert and meet people and go to brand new places and maybe even throw in an elevator pitch.

Today was the day that I wanted to quit, to go curl up in a ball and cry like a baby because dog-gone-it, I don't want to! Yep, I wanted to be that girl. But then I looked around and remembered that I have a lot of life left to live and if I end up starting over and reinventing myself, what does it matter?!

So here's to living fully and networking like it's my job!

Big fat red F

According to Merriam-Webster, failure is omission of occurrence or performance, a lack of success, or a falling short. These are the words that have marred my thoughts in the last week. 

My last blog was about my ability to fight, my ability to trust in who God has made me to be and the gifts He's given me. I haven't lost those truths, but every day gets a little harder for me to keep fighting. It's not even a fight for my identity as much as it's a fight for my sanity. 

(sometimes we fail when it seems so obvious)

I had this idea that moving was going to be great, that we'd come home and reconnect and I'd be on the job front quickly and something would come quickly. I had expectations that it would be easy and I totally forgot what the job hunt looks like. I didn't really know these expectations existed because it just all seemed natural. We've moved across the country twice before and there have been hard times, but there's always the excitement of the move that replaces other emotions until you arrive. 

 

After being here for three weeks, there are realities that are setting in, like the lack of a routine or schedule to fill my day. Many people encourage me to enjoy this time for what it is because having a job will make it busy again. I understand that, but it's hard to fully do that when I know my household relies on a second income. 

So I've started processing the thought that this move has been a failure. 

Here me out on this. We didn't have this thunderclap of the Lord telling us it was time to move home. There was no writing in the sky. We moved because our hearts were ready to be back with family. We believed in the timing and believe that the Lord loves us. We believe He will bless us no matter where we are because we can do His will everywhere. In essence, we took a step of faith, believing in His love and favor over us. The only way that really translates into failure is because it doesn't look exactly the way I wanted it in the time I expected it.

I would rather keep moving forward, keep stepping out in faith and trying things instead of living a life that is safe. I would rather jump with Him and watch as He carries my wings to heights I wouldn't have imagined. So while it may look like failure because it falls short of my expectations, I'm choosing to see this as a positive step of faith.

Do I measure up?

Hello, my name is Rochelle and I'm a social media stalker.

Blogs, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit - I stalk all of them (except Facebook - ewwwwww). Once in a while I try to actually engage and leave comments or post, but that's not the norm.

I think that I stalk because I love a good story, a good encouraging quote or meme that reminds me that I'm not alone in thinking that this world is really a pretty great place. More than anything, stories remind me that the people we live with day in and day out are just as real as I am. Stories help me to connect with people, whether they realize I'm trying to connect with them or not. When I meet new people I love hearing about their lives. I love keeping in touch with old friends and hearing how the Lord has directed their journey. Stories are really important to me because they provide me with greater understanding.

The downside of stalking on social media and hearing stories is when I start comparing their accomplishments to my life. There are many, many people who have done a lot more than I have in less time. Most days it's fine because it's really interesting to hear the dreams God gives and watch them unfold, or to hear how they fill their days and live intentionally. There are other days when I begin to question myself and wonder, am I really measuring up? Am I really doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing? Am I dreaming as big as God is dreaming and allowing Him to work in my life to the fullest extent? Am I challenging myself to be everything that I can possibly be? These are not fun questions to ask because I don't always come up with the answers I want, or any answers at all.

This week I've started looking for a new job and these questions are also part of that journey. I recognize that there are many other people applying for the same jobs that I'm applying for and hoping for the same outcome. I also recognize that I'm not climbing the corporate ladder as fast as some of my colleagues and I have no idea how to go faster. There's also that little nagging concern about how high the ladder goes, and how high I really want to climb.

What I've been thankful for is that right now it's pretty easy to remind myself that I am enough. God only made one of me and I'm pretty sure He's quite happy with the person I am. I know that I am unique and that's all He's ever wanted for me. I'm writing these thoughts so I don't forget them, just in case the perfect job doesn't fall into my lap as soon as I'd like. It's my reminder that every story is unique, including mine.

We're back!

In late December, 2006, Danny and I moved to Orlando so he could get his degree. From there the Lord took us to Los Angeles where we've spent the last 5.5 years. As of the Monday before Thanksgiving, we are excited to be back in Northern Indiana with our parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews close by. Check out a few pictures from our drive!

Luxor Hotel where we stayed

 Bellagio Fountain on the Vegas Strip

 Stone Structure in Utah

 Millers Canyon in Utah

 Tumbleweed in Nebraska. We had one stuck in the grill for a while!

Welcome to the journey

The last year is something I'm still trying to put into words and in the midst of moving across the country (a separate post to come), I'm realizing that I need to "find" myself. I don't like using those words because a few years ago the Lord walked me through a beautiful season of truly finding my identity in Him. I don't like to discredit it, or to think that it needs to happen again, so I'm trying to see this as something different.

Having Jonathan has literally changed me but I haven't pinpointed what's different. I've been allowing myself space and time and I'm thankful for what that's meant for our marriage, and for me. Over a year has passed now and as we start fresh in Indiana, I feel like I'm finally ready to find myself, again. I want to know and understand the ways I've changed and the ways I've stayed the same. I want to find out what's important to me again, and to feel like myself again. It's like I need to date myself, to start from scratch and learn about me from the beginning.