My dearest little man,
I still don't have words to say. I miss you. I love you so much. I loved holding you yesterday. You were so precious to me. You laid so peacefully on my chest. Having you near, being able to see your face, stroke your head, feel your hair... those are moments I will never forget. I'm so thankful for the time I had with you. The nurses were so gracious in allowing Daddy and I to just be with you, without rushing you off anywhere. I needed that. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.
I'm so thankful that you're with Jesus. To my knowledge, you never knew any pain, and I'm thankful that you will never know pain. But that doesn't mean I miss you any less. I love that I will see you again one day, but it doesn't make my empty arms less painful. I'm thankful for the hope of an eternity with you when I reach heaven one day. I just wish I had more time with you on this earth. It's so strange to be here now without you.
I loved that you were giving the #1 sign with your right hand when you came out. You are my #1 son, and you were pointing to where you were going. You were so tiny. Your hair reminded me of myself, dark and full. I'm so glad the nurse was able to save us some. Your face was beautiful and your skin was baby soft. Touching you, stroking your cheek - precious moments to me. Your nose was flat, like Daddy's, and your feet looked exactly like Daddy's. I love that even at your young age, there were definite features that I could attribute to us.
I knew that I loved you while I carried you, but having you in my arms was a whole different experience. You are forever real to me. I'm amazed by the hearts you have touched, by the impact your life has had on me and many others. My heart grieves not having you with me physically, but I am thankful for the truth and hope I have that I will see you again one day.
I love you Jonathan Alexander,
Momma
**Daddy's letter that he posted on Facebook yesterday. We thought it'd be good to have them in the same place.
Dear Jonathan Alexander,
Today was the hardest day of my life. I got to welcome you, my first son, to the world and then had to say goodbye to you all in the same day.
You were stillborn at 7:09 AM, August 26, 2013. Your mother and I got to spend many hours after you were born holding you and admiring your beauty. You weighed in at 1lb 5oz, and towered at an impressive 12inches long. You resembled your beautiful mother though, with a head full of dark black hair. You brought a smile to our faces as you laid peacefully in our arms.
Jonathan you are my heart and soul. I have loved you from the very first day that your mother told me she was pregnant. I dreamt about you day and night and the Lord placed your name upon my heart. Your first name means gift from God and how true that has been. You have been such a blessing to your mother and I and have taught us so many things about ourselves we never knew possible. I never imagined how your little life would have changed my life in such a short amount of time. I am honored to be called your father. Your middle name, Alexander, means defender of men. You have taught me how to fight for life and that every little bit of it is precious. I would have loved to see you grow up to be big and strong; to hear you say daddy; to be able to see you go through school and be there for you when you had troubles with girls (trust me, I've been there); able to wrestle with you; to be able to play video games and get our hopes up over the Chargers football season. Even though you didn't get to live the full life that I had been praying for, you will always and forever be my first son with whom I am well pleased.
I love you dearly and look forward to the day that I get to meet you again.
Love Always - Daddy
Grieving with us
For those who have commented, please know that every comment is read but I cannot promise replies at this time. We are so thankful for the words you are sharing with us.
Many of you, especially those out of state, have wanted to help. We have set up a fund where you are free to give through Paypal. In the coming weeks, we will be paying for hospital bills, cremation services, and moving costs, as well as the normal costs of living as we take time to grieve our son without the constraints of work.
If you'd like to give, click here. Send to rochelle.miller2@gmail.com. You will need a paypal account. You will be able to type a message to us that accompanies the payment.
Rochelle and Danny,
ReplyDeleteI am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I will be praying for you guys.
My heart is broken for you. I am so sorry, and feel so helpless. Sometimes the words "I am praying for you" sound so trite, so overdone. There is nothing else I can do for you, sweet twin, and I just hate it. My prayer for you is that you and Danny will feel the arms of Jesus wrapped so tightly around you guys as you grieve. There is no better care than being in the arms of Jesus, and I am so glad there is the promise of seeing our dear loved ones again. Death has lost its sting because there is victory over the grave. Remember that we all love you.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words that are sufficient...I keep typing, deleting, retyping, and deleting again, trying to find the right response. There IS no right response. All I can say is we love you, and we are praying and crying with you. I'm so glad our loving God knows just what you need right now, so I will continue to ask Him to wrap His arms around you in the way only He can. xoxo
ReplyDeleteMy only regret is that I couldn't be there too...
ReplyDeleteDear beautiful precious people of God, how our hearts ache and grieve with you at the loss of your firstborn son. I couldn't help but weep as I read your letters your sweetie. No parent should have to bury their baby, but it happens. We too, buried our firstborn, stillborn son, 2 1/2 years ago. It hurts and yet I would rather love and release, than to have never loved and not had the opportunity to be our son's parents.
ReplyDeleteSweet Jonathon, is no doubt, having the time of his life as he beholds the joys and beauties of heaven. His life has left an imprint and it will continue to as the days and years go by.
Praying 'Abba' would hold you tenderly as you walk day by day and embrace this journey of grief. He loves you so so much and I know it hurts his heart to see you miss and grieve your son. He also knew you were the perfect parents for Jonathon, He saw your tender hearts, knowing that you would give Jonathon back if He wanted him, knowing that you would allow Him to use your life to bless and draw those around you who witness the releasing of this sweet one.
Although we do not know you, we long to embrace you. Hold on to each other. We bless you.
Our love and prayers,
Sarah and David Lambright