What happens when life keeps moving

Realizations -

• I miss my Florida peeps. A small group of them reunited this weekend and I was jealous/envious. I still miss them. They're still very much a part of me. It became a little clearer why. I worked with them. They were my family that I saw every single day, except over the summer. I didn't have to worry about seeing them outside of work b/c I knew I'd see them the next day. And there was TIME to see them outside of work. We weren't in church with any of them, but they were some of the best family I've ever been a part of. And that's why they still hold quite a bit of my heart. (Not that I didn't know it was different here, but it was good to realize this and to remember that relationships take work, and that's good and ok and worth it.)
• I don't take very good care of myself. What I mean is that I have so much of a servant's heart that I've learned how to take pretty good care of other people and their feelings, but I haven't really learned how to take care of my own. I don't always have an opinion, partly b/c it means that I can't be held responsible for having that opinion, and partly b/c I want to make sure everyone else's opinions are heard. I've been trying to learn how to do this, but hadn't realized the depth to which it went. I need to have opinions. I need to know what I like and don't like. I need to stand up for myself. My husband is great at standing up for me when he's around, but he's helping me learn that even when it's just the two of us, I need to stand up for myself and have an opinion. It's good to have opinions, and they don't have to be exactly the same as everyone else's, even his. I feel a bit like Julia Roberts in the movie "Runaway Bride" after she runs from Richard Gere and learns what kind of eggs she likes. There are things in my heart that I know I'm passionate about, and then there are many other things that I'm completely passive about and have always just pleased people. So in this, I'm learning to have opinions and state my wants/desires. It's a difficult thing. I grew up without much, and stating my wants/desires wasn't really encouraged. I always felt bad doing it because I knew there wasn't much to be had. So I still feel bad asking for things, or making my wants known. And there were always other people to take care of, to make sure things were going the way they were supposed to for them, and my needs/desires would get put on the back burner. This is something I've been learning since getting married I think. I need to take care of me, better.

Community is changing. We're learning what it means to be in community in this season. We're in a season of work, that's for sure. Really it's just a season where work dominates life and doesn't leave much space for community, at least not during the week. And that's strange for me. Danny started working 4 10-hour days. He's taking Friday completely for him, which has been really good for his introverted self. It makes his Mon-Thurs very long though, and just taking care of our relationship takes up what little time is left in those evenings. This is difficult for me. It makes me feel like life is out of balance. It's not the "normal" 9-5 I've always imagined. As a couple we haven't really had that "normal," but I think it's always in the back of my head, and something I still desire for the ease and simplicity it brings to life. But I really should probably work on letting go of that because it causes me unnecessary strain when it doesn't happen.

Family. The twins are growing and changing and looking more like their mother and father. Danny's nieces and nephews are getting into high school and driving and it's crazy to think about them growing up. Relationships have changed so much and it's weird sometimes. Confrontation is coming I think. Many ideas and emotions that haven't yet been put into complete thoughts. All this makes me think about raising children, and when that day will come for us, if that day will come. I have to remind myself that we're not that old and it can still very much happen. It will just be very different than those back home. Lots of letting go of ideas about life I guess. Still working on being an adult.

Praying for:

• The Sego Project - our dear friends Josh and Chelsea. they're amazing. pray about giving.
• South Sudan Emerging - Jon is going to tell an incredible story. More amazing friends. Please pray about giving here as well.
• a job for me, at a school that reminds me of FL, more than anything that God would be glorified (already applied)
• peace, discipline, change (and willingness to do it)