We've been discussing prayer and last night was about Praise and Adoration. We discussed the difference between thanksgiving and adoration and I was reminded of Pastor Sam back at TGP. That man loves Jesus and it shows in the way he adores him on a Sunday morning during corporate worship.
We discussed Psalm 27 specifically. Vs. 1 says The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? So we were talking about fear. The fear of the unknown is something I've been learning specifically about so it went right along with that. I brought that up to the group and one of the guys mentioned about the that on Good Friday, when Jesus died on the cross, the disciples were afraid b/c they "had no idea what would happen next." The quotes are mine b/c Jesus told them over and over and over what was going to happen. He told them He'd die and come back, but it they didn't believe it. So here they're living in this fear of the unknown. But Joe brought up the point that we're living in the context of Sunday... Sunday's coming. We KNOW He's coming back to life. I hope that fills you with joy like it did me. Here I am living in the "unknown", having no idea what He's going to do in the coming weeks and months, but I can rejoice in the truth that "Sunday's coming."
Then Tim took it a step further, the step where we truly are today. The disciples were walking in this fear when Jesus died on the cross. Jesus returned for 40 days and then went to Heaven. When He left for Heaven, He gave us the Holy Spirit. Looking at the disciples, they never walked in that fear again. They had the Holy Spirit, Christ WITHIN them. No longer was it a matter of waiting on Sunday and being joyful about the promise that He was going to return. We now live in the truth that He is within us always. He doesn't tell us the exact plan for our lives but look at ALL the promises in His word. He loves us, He died for us, He cares about us, He gives us hope. He never promises that life will be easy or simple or comfortable but He promises that He will be with us always, to the end of the earth. How can I not walk in joy? So today, I choose joy despite the unknown. What I do know is Jesus and that's more than enough.
Don't be like Peter and focus on the water. Focus on the Savior and you can do all things through Him.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Unknown
The last 2 Sunday's we've been at church have been pretty intense. I blogged about Brit Merrick being there and his discussion on Jesus being everything, not heaven. Selfishness seems to be a theme right now. This Sunday was similar in theme in that it was about Jesus. We're both working really hard at being disciplined to spend time in the Word every day. It's not easy b/c there are so many distractions. And yet I'm reminded so often that without Him, none of this other stuff (these distractions) means anything. It's a daily struggle still to lay down me and want more of Him. There's so much that I want in this world that really has nothing to do with Him, but it's human nature.
I'm reminded of the saying, "The Fear of the Unknown." I remember talking about how this would hold people back from doing things with their lives and would keep them complacent. When you live by faith there's no knowing what God's going to call you to. I feel like our whole lives are unknown at this point. We know we're where we're supposed to be and there is hope and peace in that. Beyond that, we know nothing. Jobs here are unstable. Work is unstable. Living is unstable. Friendships are all over the place. Life is not what I've ever experienced it as before. I know this is a theme, but I'm still getting used to it. I'm hoping to finally come to terms with it and just let it be, because ultimately there's nothing I can do about it.
All I really know is that I need Jesus more than ever before. He's doing something in the church, bringing us back to the cross, to what's important. It's not easy to let go of the things we were used to but it's necessary to get to the place He needs us to be as His people. As long as He's glorified, it's all worth it.
I'm reminded of the saying, "The Fear of the Unknown." I remember talking about how this would hold people back from doing things with their lives and would keep them complacent. When you live by faith there's no knowing what God's going to call you to. I feel like our whole lives are unknown at this point. We know we're where we're supposed to be and there is hope and peace in that. Beyond that, we know nothing. Jobs here are unstable. Work is unstable. Living is unstable. Friendships are all over the place. Life is not what I've ever experienced it as before. I know this is a theme, but I'm still getting used to it. I'm hoping to finally come to terms with it and just let it be, because ultimately there's nothing I can do about it.
All I really know is that I need Jesus more than ever before. He's doing something in the church, bringing us back to the cross, to what's important. It's not easy to let go of the things we were used to but it's necessary to get to the place He needs us to be as His people. As long as He's glorified, it's all worth it.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A relaxing Sunday
We skipped church today because of the LA Marathon. We go to church in Hollywood and there were a lot of road closures today. It was a great day of spending time with Danny, communing and fellow-shipping together like we don't get to on a regular basis. By the way, I need to brag on him a bit. The last couple weekends in February he was blessed with work. One weekend he worked on Chef vs. City for the Food Network. He got to work with the jib (camera connected to a big arm that can be moved around a stage) and really enjoyed himself. The guy he worked with was really great and we're hoping/praying that God works through that contact for more work. The weekend of the Oscars Good Morning America was here and he got to do PA work for that. He didn't enjoy it as much, but he made another contact, a guy who lives/works in Chicago and does post-production work. Even more exciting is that he's a Full Sail grad and was excited about keeping in contact with Danny. So Danny has a lot of work on his plate right now, getting a demo-reel ready to show off. In the midst of this he's still at Massage Envy. He's been bringing home bonuses every week from being a great salesman. So as much as he may not love where he's at, he's working on doing his best. I'm so proud of him and the effort he's putting in. I can't wait to see what the rest of this year brings.
Last week we had Pastor Britt Merrick speak at church. His 5 year old daughter is battling cancer. He spoke about life and how it's not about getting to heaven. This life is about loving and knowing Jesus. He is our eternal reward, not heaven. He spoke about selfishness. It hit us to the core. We're working on changing the way we spend money and the way we spend our time. Those are two BIG ways to show where your treasure is. It's been a good way of discipline and I'm looking forward to what's ahead.
Today marks a huge day in history as the Senate has just passed a Health Care Reform Bill. We're not thrilled about this and there's a lovely little thing they included about Student Loans that will affect us as well. We don't have insurance right now. As frustrating as this information is I'm feeling blessed to be listening to worship right now and being reminded through song about who's in control ultimately. Our government is making major decisions that will affect my future and future generations but God is still on the throne, Jesus is still sitting at His right hand, and we still have the Holy Spirit.
As much as no one may enjoy living in the unknown, it's where I find myself. I don't know what July and August will look like, let alone the rest of the year and after. I find myself not even thinking about the future unless others bring it up. I'm working on trusting my Father to know what's best for us and to open doors for us that will glorify Him alone. I'm working on not worrying about the future and learning what it really means to live each day to it's fullest. We're not promised tomorrow or the next day so why should I worry about them? My Father makes sure the sparrows are fed, how much more will He make sure I'm taken care of? He is a beautiful Savior and He alone will be glorified through all of this life. I'm so humbled, and thankful, to be a part of what He's doing.
Last week we had Pastor Britt Merrick speak at church. His 5 year old daughter is battling cancer. He spoke about life and how it's not about getting to heaven. This life is about loving and knowing Jesus. He is our eternal reward, not heaven. He spoke about selfishness. It hit us to the core. We're working on changing the way we spend money and the way we spend our time. Those are two BIG ways to show where your treasure is. It's been a good way of discipline and I'm looking forward to what's ahead.
Today marks a huge day in history as the Senate has just passed a Health Care Reform Bill. We're not thrilled about this and there's a lovely little thing they included about Student Loans that will affect us as well. We don't have insurance right now. As frustrating as this information is I'm feeling blessed to be listening to worship right now and being reminded through song about who's in control ultimately. Our government is making major decisions that will affect my future and future generations but God is still on the throne, Jesus is still sitting at His right hand, and we still have the Holy Spirit.
As much as no one may enjoy living in the unknown, it's where I find myself. I don't know what July and August will look like, let alone the rest of the year and after. I find myself not even thinking about the future unless others bring it up. I'm working on trusting my Father to know what's best for us and to open doors for us that will glorify Him alone. I'm working on not worrying about the future and learning what it really means to live each day to it's fullest. We're not promised tomorrow or the next day so why should I worry about them? My Father makes sure the sparrows are fed, how much more will He make sure I'm taken care of? He is a beautiful Savior and He alone will be glorified through all of this life. I'm so humbled, and thankful, to be a part of what He's doing.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Teaching
This past week I jumped into a teaching job. I work for a third party company that hires teachers to teach computer science in schools. I'm in an elementary school and work 4 days a week. It's only been a week but I love being back in the classroom. My boss prepares the content for me and makes sure it meets the standards so I just get to teach. It's fun:) Kids are still kids though and I think I tallied up that I see somewhere around 250-300 kids a week. It's weird being a teacher but not really being a part of the community. I'm hoping that gets better.
I'm staying with the kids with autism for now. I really enjoy my clients and it would be hard to leave, but my heart is teaching. It's been an interesting week of wondering about that line of being selfish and pushing my way into an opportunity or staying where I'm at. Most people encouraged me to take advantage of the teaching opportunity because it's what makes me happy. This is true, it does make me happy. There's nothing like it for me. But I have felt selfish in the process. I'm not sure that I love the sentence "Do what makes you happy". I guess it makes me wonder about God and where He comes into that sentence.
More than anything I want Him and I guess because of the hardships of this year happiness no longer equals the best for me. So it's amusing to me now that I'm learning to trust that this was truly a gift from Him and not just something that's going to make me happy. God wants my best. Jeremiah 29:11 promises me that. There are many more verses that remind of the fact that He's my father and more than anything He wants the absolute best for me. I often times don't know what that is and shouldn't attempt to pretend to know what it is. So I'm working on walking in the fact that He loves me, enough to bring a job into my life that I truly enjoy.
It sounds so simple. And I know that He loves me. It's amazing to me that even after all I've walked through I can still question His undeniable love for me. That's when I realize how self-absorbed I've become and have to come back to His feet. That's where I find love, in His arms, at His feet, in His word. His love for me is fundamental, the basis of my existence. It's bigger and greater and wider than I will ever comprehend. And yet that is what I'm working on; comprehending a fraction of His amazing love for me and the FACT that He wants to give us gifts.
I'm staying with the kids with autism for now. I really enjoy my clients and it would be hard to leave, but my heart is teaching. It's been an interesting week of wondering about that line of being selfish and pushing my way into an opportunity or staying where I'm at. Most people encouraged me to take advantage of the teaching opportunity because it's what makes me happy. This is true, it does make me happy. There's nothing like it for me. But I have felt selfish in the process. I'm not sure that I love the sentence "Do what makes you happy". I guess it makes me wonder about God and where He comes into that sentence.
More than anything I want Him and I guess because of the hardships of this year happiness no longer equals the best for me. So it's amusing to me now that I'm learning to trust that this was truly a gift from Him and not just something that's going to make me happy. God wants my best. Jeremiah 29:11 promises me that. There are many more verses that remind of the fact that He's my father and more than anything He wants the absolute best for me. I often times don't know what that is and shouldn't attempt to pretend to know what it is. So I'm working on walking in the fact that He loves me, enough to bring a job into my life that I truly enjoy.
It sounds so simple. And I know that He loves me. It's amazing to me that even after all I've walked through I can still question His undeniable love for me. That's when I realize how self-absorbed I've become and have to come back to His feet. That's where I find love, in His arms, at His feet, in His word. His love for me is fundamental, the basis of my existence. It's bigger and greater and wider than I will ever comprehend. And yet that is what I'm working on; comprehending a fraction of His amazing love for me and the FACT that He wants to give us gifts.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Real Me
The real me doesn't want to be here and talked myself out of being here this weekend. I told myself that it would be easier if we just moved home and worked on saving money. I told myself how easy it would be to get a teaching job there and how we could live with family and just be around family again. I told myself it would be easy.
I'm craving easy these days. Everything within me is crying out for something easy. But that's not what we were promised. I've had a day of just living it out and experiencing the pain of not being where I want to be.
Then I remembered. Then I realized. This isn't about me. I would probably feeling very similarly if we were overseas somewhere as "real" missionaries. The grass is always greener on the other side. It always will be.
And God reminded me of when Danny and I were dating; how I ran away when it got hard because it was easier to be in control of that relationship and not be affected like it and have to work through it. I ran away from ESOL too I think. I wasn't ready to push through it. Guess what. Life hasn't gotten easier. Running away from something I'm uncomfortable with doesn't make it easier. It only means that I'm putting it off. This inevitably means that being where I think I want to be right now would really only be just as hard, if not harder, than where I am right now.
That's the real me.
I'm craving easy these days. Everything within me is crying out for something easy. But that's not what we were promised. I've had a day of just living it out and experiencing the pain of not being where I want to be.
Then I remembered. Then I realized. This isn't about me. I would probably feeling very similarly if we were overseas somewhere as "real" missionaries. The grass is always greener on the other side. It always will be.
And God reminded me of when Danny and I were dating; how I ran away when it got hard because it was easier to be in control of that relationship and not be affected like it and have to work through it. I ran away from ESOL too I think. I wasn't ready to push through it. Guess what. Life hasn't gotten easier. Running away from something I'm uncomfortable with doesn't make it easier. It only means that I'm putting it off. This inevitably means that being where I think I want to be right now would really only be just as hard, if not harder, than where I am right now.
That's the real me.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
relationships
Church has been about church these last couple Sundays, specifically about the essence of the church. Today we talked about how it's relational. Really, this is the foundation of it all. We're made for relationship. Some of my favorites from today (per Pastor Tim):
- God Himself is a community
- you never break any other commandment without breaking the first one (love the Lord your God)
- some people are wounded b/c they looked to the church to provide and/or be something only God can (no one is perfect, not one)
- we choose our friends but God chooses the church - you don't get to choose who your family is
- being relational is messy, costly, and NECESSARY
Sunday, January 24, 2010
amusing
So I just posted yesterday about being comfortable and being uncomfortable and how I'm learning the difference between the two and what God's asking of me and calling me to. I believe that we're supposed to be uncomfortable. Comfort is nice, for a season, but overall we're supposed to be uncomfortable. I'm amused b/c God drove the point home today during church. We're talking about the essence of the church and we're a sent community and a scattered community. Part of being scattered means that we're sent out, we come together and then we scatter in order to bring more together. Part of being scattered is being intentional, incarnational (in the flesh), proclamational, and sacrificial. If you're a believer, you've joined the mission. It's not a choice you make later but something you became a part of when you believed. Part of the mission is counting the cost. Mission is ALWAYS going to cost you and that cost includes losing security and comfort in this world. I'm counting the cost and sticking with the program because the rewards of this mission are better than any comfort and security I could ever find in this world. I hope that you can share in my amusement of how this amazing God works:)
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