Summer's here. It's has brought many changes already and more are coming. A few weeks ago I was really struggling to trust God with our bills again. It's a common occurrence in my life, unfortunately. But we live in a city without stability and apparently I need to continue to learn that He is my only stability. He will supply for all my needs according to His riches and for His glory. That's never my timing. I hate that I get anxious when it doesn't look like things are going to work and that's definitely something I'm still working on. Nobody ever said faith was easy.
This week has been exciting though. We have been blessed with transportation. Thank you to Chelsea and to Michael for making that work. Without you, this door would not have opened. I had a very poignant conversation with a friend this month about transportation and the importance of it in the industry. We've been praying and praying and God paved the way. We're excited about the opportunities to come b/c of this, the ability to go separate ways and do separate jobs. Danny will be able to actually apply to jobs that he hasn't been able to apply to before. Again, this was completely and utterly God.
Opportunities have been coming as well. I have an app in with a private school for the fall. I hope to hear from them by end of the month. If that doesn't happen I'll continue what I'm doing now. I'm interviewing to nanny for the summer on Tuesday, which would be perfect so prayers are welcome! And I'm hoping to train the last week of June to sell educational products to families. That will be something I can do through the summer and then hopefully part time during the school year as well, which will very much help to offset the weeks of vacation time I won't get paid for.
Danny is talking to a friend about a company in Dallas that needs someone to do what he does (After Effects). We're really hoping this door opens and gives him a way out of Massage Envy. He's continually making contacts in the area and getting his feelers out. He's worked on 2 or 3 more government projects this year doing After Effects so he's building his reel to show other potential employers. He's also building two websites, one for photography and one for film. I'm incredibly proud of him and the hard work he's put in in the last few months.
I realized at church today that we've been married for almost 6 years. I have spent those years with my best friend, learning, growing, supporting one another, communicating, loving, traveling, being adventurous, and seeking God's heart. I'm so blessed by our marriage and so thankful to be living this journey with him.
And finally, we're moving across town to Sherman Oaks in two weeks. I'll be closer to work and there are some production companies Danny's hoping to apply with. We're looking forward to living on carpet again after a year of tile :). It's the simple things in life.
God has blessed us immensely this week, beyond our dreams. Trusting Him is so difficult and I'm not very good at it. Yet He provides and I'm humbled by His care and love for us. Danny's favorite saying right now is about moving with God. If we're standing still and God pushes us to go in a certain direction, we're going to fall b/c we're not ready. But if we're moving, keeping our feet active like a basketball player, He has a much easier time directing our course and guiding us where He needs us. It wouldn't be a faith walk if He told us everything ahead of time.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
God's funny
I was just thinking yesterday about how I wanted to type but had nothing to update, nothing's really changed. Then God brought church. Oh church. I love our pastor and the way he brings the word straight from the Word. It's a rough one friends. I highly recommend you go here and listen to it once it's up, or download it on itunes and listen to it. Reality LA.
Community. Community is not an option. What I choose to do, or not to do, shows what I value.
When I come to church, I shouldn't be coming with a consumer attitude. Instead I need an attitude of what can I give? How can I serve these people? And this isn't just when I go to church.
Community is about a shared relationship. It's founded upon the Gospel. Deeper fellowship requires deeper theology. This doesn't mean bigger words that we don't understand. It means learning together and gaining a greater understanding of Him together. That is when we grow together and build community.
Shared Responsibility - if you're communicating something then you have to execute that thing. If you love your spouse you have to show your love to your spouse. You can't just speak words; actions must follow those words.
Sacrifice is a prerequisite for community and fellowship. Our human nature wants to fight against community because to be in community means it's no longer about me, I'm no longer number one. Being in community means laying down what my needs and my wants and putting others before me. Community is about serving and growing together, not about me.
If you react to the way people treat you without the power of the Gospel you WILL be wounded. Wounds bring bitterness when there's no healing. Within the church there are a LOT of wounded people. And then our human nature kicks in and says that since I'm wounded, I need to stay away. I'll just isolate myself. The only person you hurt when you isolate yourself and pull back from people is you. Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill someone else. The church is not perfect. Just b/c someone goes to church does NOT make them perfect. There is no perfect church. But healing doesn't come with isolation, healing comes through serving the person/people who wounded you. Proverbs 18:1 paraphrase - you will get burned by people for the rest of your life no matter where you go. We have to learn how to heal instead of kill ourselves with bitterness.
If what you've given (service) has been trampled on and you're upset about it, think about Jesus' blood and the cross. Romans 13:8. Owe no man anything but LOVE. Are you ready to give and get nothing in return? That's true love. When we give and expect nothing. Not when we give and expect a text or phone or ANY response. That's called giving with interest. We can't give with interest. We will never be filled by humans. We will never be satisfied with what humans give us. Flesh is taking. Love is giving. So stop charging interest and expecting something in return. Join your love account with Jesus (joint checking) and use His debit card to give freely.
The Shared Reward is that our joy will be complete in community. There is no joy in isolation. Is community easy? No. But is it worth it? Definitely.
Those are the basics of the notes I took today. But don't take my word for it. Go hear it yourself. There are so many aspects of my life right now that needed to hear this sermon. I'm so blessed to be in a church where the pastor brings the Word. No fluff, just the word. Off to listen to some more in our doctrine and theology series. Excited:)
Community. Community is not an option. What I choose to do, or not to do, shows what I value.
When I come to church, I shouldn't be coming with a consumer attitude. Instead I need an attitude of what can I give? How can I serve these people? And this isn't just when I go to church.
Community is about a shared relationship. It's founded upon the Gospel. Deeper fellowship requires deeper theology. This doesn't mean bigger words that we don't understand. It means learning together and gaining a greater understanding of Him together. That is when we grow together and build community.
Shared Responsibility - if you're communicating something then you have to execute that thing. If you love your spouse you have to show your love to your spouse. You can't just speak words; actions must follow those words.
Sacrifice is a prerequisite for community and fellowship. Our human nature wants to fight against community because to be in community means it's no longer about me, I'm no longer number one. Being in community means laying down what my needs and my wants and putting others before me. Community is about serving and growing together, not about me.
If you react to the way people treat you without the power of the Gospel you WILL be wounded. Wounds bring bitterness when there's no healing. Within the church there are a LOT of wounded people. And then our human nature kicks in and says that since I'm wounded, I need to stay away. I'll just isolate myself. The only person you hurt when you isolate yourself and pull back from people is you. Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill someone else. The church is not perfect. Just b/c someone goes to church does NOT make them perfect. There is no perfect church. But healing doesn't come with isolation, healing comes through serving the person/people who wounded you. Proverbs 18:1 paraphrase - you will get burned by people for the rest of your life no matter where you go. We have to learn how to heal instead of kill ourselves with bitterness.
If what you've given (service) has been trampled on and you're upset about it, think about Jesus' blood and the cross. Romans 13:8. Owe no man anything but LOVE. Are you ready to give and get nothing in return? That's true love. When we give and expect nothing. Not when we give and expect a text or phone or ANY response. That's called giving with interest. We can't give with interest. We will never be filled by humans. We will never be satisfied with what humans give us. Flesh is taking. Love is giving. So stop charging interest and expecting something in return. Join your love account with Jesus (joint checking) and use His debit card to give freely.
The Shared Reward is that our joy will be complete in community. There is no joy in isolation. Is community easy? No. But is it worth it? Definitely.
Those are the basics of the notes I took today. But don't take my word for it. Go hear it yourself. There are so many aspects of my life right now that needed to hear this sermon. I'm so blessed to be in a church where the pastor brings the Word. No fluff, just the word. Off to listen to some more in our doctrine and theology series. Excited:)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Small Group
We've been discussing prayer and last night was about Praise and Adoration. We discussed the difference between thanksgiving and adoration and I was reminded of Pastor Sam back at TGP. That man loves Jesus and it shows in the way he adores him on a Sunday morning during corporate worship.
We discussed Psalm 27 specifically. Vs. 1 says The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? So we were talking about fear. The fear of the unknown is something I've been learning specifically about so it went right along with that. I brought that up to the group and one of the guys mentioned about the that on Good Friday, when Jesus died on the cross, the disciples were afraid b/c they "had no idea what would happen next." The quotes are mine b/c Jesus told them over and over and over what was going to happen. He told them He'd die and come back, but it they didn't believe it. So here they're living in this fear of the unknown. But Joe brought up the point that we're living in the context of Sunday... Sunday's coming. We KNOW He's coming back to life. I hope that fills you with joy like it did me. Here I am living in the "unknown", having no idea what He's going to do in the coming weeks and months, but I can rejoice in the truth that "Sunday's coming."
Then Tim took it a step further, the step where we truly are today. The disciples were walking in this fear when Jesus died on the cross. Jesus returned for 40 days and then went to Heaven. When He left for Heaven, He gave us the Holy Spirit. Looking at the disciples, they never walked in that fear again. They had the Holy Spirit, Christ WITHIN them. No longer was it a matter of waiting on Sunday and being joyful about the promise that He was going to return. We now live in the truth that He is within us always. He doesn't tell us the exact plan for our lives but look at ALL the promises in His word. He loves us, He died for us, He cares about us, He gives us hope. He never promises that life will be easy or simple or comfortable but He promises that He will be with us always, to the end of the earth. How can I not walk in joy? So today, I choose joy despite the unknown. What I do know is Jesus and that's more than enough.
Don't be like Peter and focus on the water. Focus on the Savior and you can do all things through Him.
We discussed Psalm 27 specifically. Vs. 1 says The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? So we were talking about fear. The fear of the unknown is something I've been learning specifically about so it went right along with that. I brought that up to the group and one of the guys mentioned about the that on Good Friday, when Jesus died on the cross, the disciples were afraid b/c they "had no idea what would happen next." The quotes are mine b/c Jesus told them over and over and over what was going to happen. He told them He'd die and come back, but it they didn't believe it. So here they're living in this fear of the unknown. But Joe brought up the point that we're living in the context of Sunday... Sunday's coming. We KNOW He's coming back to life. I hope that fills you with joy like it did me. Here I am living in the "unknown", having no idea what He's going to do in the coming weeks and months, but I can rejoice in the truth that "Sunday's coming."
Then Tim took it a step further, the step where we truly are today. The disciples were walking in this fear when Jesus died on the cross. Jesus returned for 40 days and then went to Heaven. When He left for Heaven, He gave us the Holy Spirit. Looking at the disciples, they never walked in that fear again. They had the Holy Spirit, Christ WITHIN them. No longer was it a matter of waiting on Sunday and being joyful about the promise that He was going to return. We now live in the truth that He is within us always. He doesn't tell us the exact plan for our lives but look at ALL the promises in His word. He loves us, He died for us, He cares about us, He gives us hope. He never promises that life will be easy or simple or comfortable but He promises that He will be with us always, to the end of the earth. How can I not walk in joy? So today, I choose joy despite the unknown. What I do know is Jesus and that's more than enough.
Don't be like Peter and focus on the water. Focus on the Savior and you can do all things through Him.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Unknown
The last 2 Sunday's we've been at church have been pretty intense. I blogged about Brit Merrick being there and his discussion on Jesus being everything, not heaven. Selfishness seems to be a theme right now. This Sunday was similar in theme in that it was about Jesus. We're both working really hard at being disciplined to spend time in the Word every day. It's not easy b/c there are so many distractions. And yet I'm reminded so often that without Him, none of this other stuff (these distractions) means anything. It's a daily struggle still to lay down me and want more of Him. There's so much that I want in this world that really has nothing to do with Him, but it's human nature.
I'm reminded of the saying, "The Fear of the Unknown." I remember talking about how this would hold people back from doing things with their lives and would keep them complacent. When you live by faith there's no knowing what God's going to call you to. I feel like our whole lives are unknown at this point. We know we're where we're supposed to be and there is hope and peace in that. Beyond that, we know nothing. Jobs here are unstable. Work is unstable. Living is unstable. Friendships are all over the place. Life is not what I've ever experienced it as before. I know this is a theme, but I'm still getting used to it. I'm hoping to finally come to terms with it and just let it be, because ultimately there's nothing I can do about it.
All I really know is that I need Jesus more than ever before. He's doing something in the church, bringing us back to the cross, to what's important. It's not easy to let go of the things we were used to but it's necessary to get to the place He needs us to be as His people. As long as He's glorified, it's all worth it.
I'm reminded of the saying, "The Fear of the Unknown." I remember talking about how this would hold people back from doing things with their lives and would keep them complacent. When you live by faith there's no knowing what God's going to call you to. I feel like our whole lives are unknown at this point. We know we're where we're supposed to be and there is hope and peace in that. Beyond that, we know nothing. Jobs here are unstable. Work is unstable. Living is unstable. Friendships are all over the place. Life is not what I've ever experienced it as before. I know this is a theme, but I'm still getting used to it. I'm hoping to finally come to terms with it and just let it be, because ultimately there's nothing I can do about it.
All I really know is that I need Jesus more than ever before. He's doing something in the church, bringing us back to the cross, to what's important. It's not easy to let go of the things we were used to but it's necessary to get to the place He needs us to be as His people. As long as He's glorified, it's all worth it.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A relaxing Sunday
We skipped church today because of the LA Marathon. We go to church in Hollywood and there were a lot of road closures today. It was a great day of spending time with Danny, communing and fellow-shipping together like we don't get to on a regular basis. By the way, I need to brag on him a bit. The last couple weekends in February he was blessed with work. One weekend he worked on Chef vs. City for the Food Network. He got to work with the jib (camera connected to a big arm that can be moved around a stage) and really enjoyed himself. The guy he worked with was really great and we're hoping/praying that God works through that contact for more work. The weekend of the Oscars Good Morning America was here and he got to do PA work for that. He didn't enjoy it as much, but he made another contact, a guy who lives/works in Chicago and does post-production work. Even more exciting is that he's a Full Sail grad and was excited about keeping in contact with Danny. So Danny has a lot of work on his plate right now, getting a demo-reel ready to show off. In the midst of this he's still at Massage Envy. He's been bringing home bonuses every week from being a great salesman. So as much as he may not love where he's at, he's working on doing his best. I'm so proud of him and the effort he's putting in. I can't wait to see what the rest of this year brings.
Last week we had Pastor Britt Merrick speak at church. His 5 year old daughter is battling cancer. He spoke about life and how it's not about getting to heaven. This life is about loving and knowing Jesus. He is our eternal reward, not heaven. He spoke about selfishness. It hit us to the core. We're working on changing the way we spend money and the way we spend our time. Those are two BIG ways to show where your treasure is. It's been a good way of discipline and I'm looking forward to what's ahead.
Today marks a huge day in history as the Senate has just passed a Health Care Reform Bill. We're not thrilled about this and there's a lovely little thing they included about Student Loans that will affect us as well. We don't have insurance right now. As frustrating as this information is I'm feeling blessed to be listening to worship right now and being reminded through song about who's in control ultimately. Our government is making major decisions that will affect my future and future generations but God is still on the throne, Jesus is still sitting at His right hand, and we still have the Holy Spirit.
As much as no one may enjoy living in the unknown, it's where I find myself. I don't know what July and August will look like, let alone the rest of the year and after. I find myself not even thinking about the future unless others bring it up. I'm working on trusting my Father to know what's best for us and to open doors for us that will glorify Him alone. I'm working on not worrying about the future and learning what it really means to live each day to it's fullest. We're not promised tomorrow or the next day so why should I worry about them? My Father makes sure the sparrows are fed, how much more will He make sure I'm taken care of? He is a beautiful Savior and He alone will be glorified through all of this life. I'm so humbled, and thankful, to be a part of what He's doing.
Last week we had Pastor Britt Merrick speak at church. His 5 year old daughter is battling cancer. He spoke about life and how it's not about getting to heaven. This life is about loving and knowing Jesus. He is our eternal reward, not heaven. He spoke about selfishness. It hit us to the core. We're working on changing the way we spend money and the way we spend our time. Those are two BIG ways to show where your treasure is. It's been a good way of discipline and I'm looking forward to what's ahead.
Today marks a huge day in history as the Senate has just passed a Health Care Reform Bill. We're not thrilled about this and there's a lovely little thing they included about Student Loans that will affect us as well. We don't have insurance right now. As frustrating as this information is I'm feeling blessed to be listening to worship right now and being reminded through song about who's in control ultimately. Our government is making major decisions that will affect my future and future generations but God is still on the throne, Jesus is still sitting at His right hand, and we still have the Holy Spirit.
As much as no one may enjoy living in the unknown, it's where I find myself. I don't know what July and August will look like, let alone the rest of the year and after. I find myself not even thinking about the future unless others bring it up. I'm working on trusting my Father to know what's best for us and to open doors for us that will glorify Him alone. I'm working on not worrying about the future and learning what it really means to live each day to it's fullest. We're not promised tomorrow or the next day so why should I worry about them? My Father makes sure the sparrows are fed, how much more will He make sure I'm taken care of? He is a beautiful Savior and He alone will be glorified through all of this life. I'm so humbled, and thankful, to be a part of what He's doing.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Teaching
This past week I jumped into a teaching job. I work for a third party company that hires teachers to teach computer science in schools. I'm in an elementary school and work 4 days a week. It's only been a week but I love being back in the classroom. My boss prepares the content for me and makes sure it meets the standards so I just get to teach. It's fun:) Kids are still kids though and I think I tallied up that I see somewhere around 250-300 kids a week. It's weird being a teacher but not really being a part of the community. I'm hoping that gets better.
I'm staying with the kids with autism for now. I really enjoy my clients and it would be hard to leave, but my heart is teaching. It's been an interesting week of wondering about that line of being selfish and pushing my way into an opportunity or staying where I'm at. Most people encouraged me to take advantage of the teaching opportunity because it's what makes me happy. This is true, it does make me happy. There's nothing like it for me. But I have felt selfish in the process. I'm not sure that I love the sentence "Do what makes you happy". I guess it makes me wonder about God and where He comes into that sentence.
More than anything I want Him and I guess because of the hardships of this year happiness no longer equals the best for me. So it's amusing to me now that I'm learning to trust that this was truly a gift from Him and not just something that's going to make me happy. God wants my best. Jeremiah 29:11 promises me that. There are many more verses that remind of the fact that He's my father and more than anything He wants the absolute best for me. I often times don't know what that is and shouldn't attempt to pretend to know what it is. So I'm working on walking in the fact that He loves me, enough to bring a job into my life that I truly enjoy.
It sounds so simple. And I know that He loves me. It's amazing to me that even after all I've walked through I can still question His undeniable love for me. That's when I realize how self-absorbed I've become and have to come back to His feet. That's where I find love, in His arms, at His feet, in His word. His love for me is fundamental, the basis of my existence. It's bigger and greater and wider than I will ever comprehend. And yet that is what I'm working on; comprehending a fraction of His amazing love for me and the FACT that He wants to give us gifts.
I'm staying with the kids with autism for now. I really enjoy my clients and it would be hard to leave, but my heart is teaching. It's been an interesting week of wondering about that line of being selfish and pushing my way into an opportunity or staying where I'm at. Most people encouraged me to take advantage of the teaching opportunity because it's what makes me happy. This is true, it does make me happy. There's nothing like it for me. But I have felt selfish in the process. I'm not sure that I love the sentence "Do what makes you happy". I guess it makes me wonder about God and where He comes into that sentence.
More than anything I want Him and I guess because of the hardships of this year happiness no longer equals the best for me. So it's amusing to me now that I'm learning to trust that this was truly a gift from Him and not just something that's going to make me happy. God wants my best. Jeremiah 29:11 promises me that. There are many more verses that remind of the fact that He's my father and more than anything He wants the absolute best for me. I often times don't know what that is and shouldn't attempt to pretend to know what it is. So I'm working on walking in the fact that He loves me, enough to bring a job into my life that I truly enjoy.
It sounds so simple. And I know that He loves me. It's amazing to me that even after all I've walked through I can still question His undeniable love for me. That's when I realize how self-absorbed I've become and have to come back to His feet. That's where I find love, in His arms, at His feet, in His word. His love for me is fundamental, the basis of my existence. It's bigger and greater and wider than I will ever comprehend. And yet that is what I'm working on; comprehending a fraction of His amazing love for me and the FACT that He wants to give us gifts.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Real Me
The real me doesn't want to be here and talked myself out of being here this weekend. I told myself that it would be easier if we just moved home and worked on saving money. I told myself how easy it would be to get a teaching job there and how we could live with family and just be around family again. I told myself it would be easy.
I'm craving easy these days. Everything within me is crying out for something easy. But that's not what we were promised. I've had a day of just living it out and experiencing the pain of not being where I want to be.
Then I remembered. Then I realized. This isn't about me. I would probably feeling very similarly if we were overseas somewhere as "real" missionaries. The grass is always greener on the other side. It always will be.
And God reminded me of when Danny and I were dating; how I ran away when it got hard because it was easier to be in control of that relationship and not be affected like it and have to work through it. I ran away from ESOL too I think. I wasn't ready to push through it. Guess what. Life hasn't gotten easier. Running away from something I'm uncomfortable with doesn't make it easier. It only means that I'm putting it off. This inevitably means that being where I think I want to be right now would really only be just as hard, if not harder, than where I am right now.
That's the real me.
I'm craving easy these days. Everything within me is crying out for something easy. But that's not what we were promised. I've had a day of just living it out and experiencing the pain of not being where I want to be.
Then I remembered. Then I realized. This isn't about me. I would probably feeling very similarly if we were overseas somewhere as "real" missionaries. The grass is always greener on the other side. It always will be.
And God reminded me of when Danny and I were dating; how I ran away when it got hard because it was easier to be in control of that relationship and not be affected like it and have to work through it. I ran away from ESOL too I think. I wasn't ready to push through it. Guess what. Life hasn't gotten easier. Running away from something I'm uncomfortable with doesn't make it easier. It only means that I'm putting it off. This inevitably means that being where I think I want to be right now would really only be just as hard, if not harder, than where I am right now.
That's the real me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)