Moving Forward

God's Character

2012-01-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

1 John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. (all scripture from ESV)

Related verses -

1 John 3:11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

There’s no shadow on God, or from Him, because He doesn’t change. Every gift that is good and perfect, every single one, is from Him because of His great love for us. He’s the Father of lights and there can’t be any darkness around Him. He created light to shine through the darkness. God’s character is unchanging. There can’t be shadows because He can’t have darkness around Him. Footnotes from James 1:17 (ESV), “God is unchanging in his character and therefore in his giving of good, unlike the variation of the night changing to day or the shifting shadow caused by the sun or moon.” When something bad happens, it’s not from God!!!! God doesn’t give bad things to His children; He can’t! It’s not part of His character to give something bad. He gives all good gifts and works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28). But we so often like to attribute the bad things in life to God, even though He was not the one who gave them to us! God doesn’t give us sickness! God doesn’t take away our finances. How do those things glorify Him?! Yes, you can learn through it, but I believe now that a large part of that learning is how to take the power and authority He’s given you in that situation to OVERCOME! We so often become the victim instead of the conqueror He has made us to be (Rom 8:37)! This is where we need to look back at verse 2, knowing that LIFE is manifested through the Holy Spirit and so the way to overcome these struggles and frustrations is in the power and authority of the Holy Spirit!

Living and Active

2012-01-05T21:52:00.001-08:00

Hebrews 4:12 says that is what the word of God is, living and active, sharper than the sharpest double-edged sword. It even cuts through bone and marrow. From what I know, that is some of the thickest stuff out there. His word cuts through it. His word is truth. We say that we believe this. We go to church and hear it and read it and then put it away. Are we allowing it to be active in our lives?!If God's word was active in your life, truly changing the way you thought, how would your life change?

The question is not "what would that look like?" Someone just told me that's something that Christians say. I wasn't aware. I've been saying it for years. Don't get me wrong, there are times when it's good to ask. Like when Mary asked God what having a baby looked like for her since she was a virgin. If she hadn't asked and just assumed it was through Joseph I don't think we'd know Mary. All that to say, this is not a time to ask what it looks like. God's word is active. If we would allow it be active, our lives would be changed. This is why it's SO important to know who you are in Christ. And I mean to really know it in your heart and believe it. Not to know it in your head and have it memorized but to believe it and live it so that when you look in the mirror you see the masterpiece that He calls you, you see the conqueror, you see the son or daughter of the Most High King, you see His righteousness. You don't see a loser, or a failure, or whatever else your emotions are seeing. You see the truth of the word of God because you have allowed it to be living and active in your life, the truth in your life instead of the lies that so easily squeeze in. If you don't know what He has to say about you, how much He loves you, and how He wants the best for you (even more than your earthly Dad), then how are you going to walk in the dreams He's calling you to?!

Know the word friends. Spend time in it. And then believe what it says about you. Satan is the lier and he's subtle. God and His word are the truth. And once you learn that, once you receive that and walk in it and allow it to manifest in all that you are, your life will never be the same.

Satisfaction

2012-01-02T13:33:00.001-08:00

So often in my life I have seen people who have this relationship with Christ that wholly satisfies them. You can see it in the way they live. You can see how in love with Jesus they are, the fruit of the relationship emanates from them.I've always wanted to be that person. Not so much because that person looked great, but knowing Christ like they did looked amazing. The relationship with Christ they had is what I really wanted.

So all of my life I've been searching for that. I've been thirsty for Him and never quite satisfied. How would I ever be satisfied? There are so many worship songs that talk about coming back to the heart of worship, about being fully satisfied with the Creator. Sometimes I felt like a lier singing these songs because as much as I wanted to be fully satisfied, I wasn't. Something was missing.

Something new happened this fall. A friend of mine started attending Rhema. Right before this happened I had been getting really thirsty again, thirsty for something more, thirsty to know the Holy Spirit more. I had started realizing the the fullness I've always sought must be found in the Holy Spirit. I was raised in a church that knew Jesus and taught the Gospel, but we didn't talk about the Spirit much. I've been blessed with more teaching, but I've always found the Holy Spirit so intriguing. I've always wondered why we don't talk about Him more.

Since then, I feel like a new person. God has blessed me with some wonderful friends who are helping me learn, but more than anything He has blessed me with a thirst that is finally being satisfied as I get to know Holy and gain understanding about the life we're truly capable of. I am finally satisfied, satisfied in knowing my Creator, satisfied in the most amazing Love relationship I've ever been a part of.Knowing the Holy Spirit has empowered me like never before. Learning more fully about the power He's given each and every believer blows my mind on a regular basis. Knowing that I coud have known this from the beginning is sad, but knowing it now is better than never.

I've written recently about gaining control over my emotions and all of that comes from knowing the power within me through the Holy Spirit to do that. I can do nothing on my own but in Him, I literally can do ALL things. I am not controlled by emotions and feelings, by pain or thoughts, but by the Holy Spirit living inside of me.If we could understand that it's better to have the Holy Spirit, just as Jesus said in John 16:7 (ESV, Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.), life would change for us. Jesus walked with the disciples and that was incredible. But the amazing thing is that we, as Christians, have the Holy Spirit living inside of us! He was given to us to help us, to teach us, to guide us, and to empower us to live the life Christ called us to! We can't do it without His help. This is the biggest, and best difference, about Old Testament believers and New Testament believers. We have Holy, and that's the game changer.

Learning

2012-01-02T13:31:00.002-08:00

On Christmas Eve, I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 . Most people know this as the love chapter of the Bible. It's always a favorite at weddings, reminding the bride and groom of what true love looks like. It's a beautiful chapter. The last paragraph in the chapter is interesting though.

You have to remember that 1 Corinthians 13 is in the middle of 12 and 14, two chapters that focus on the gifts of the Spirit. So verses 8-13 discuss how the gifts will cease, specifically the gift of tongues and of prophecy. This was brought up in discussion and it made me want to search and understand why God would say that these gifts would cease if we're using them today. The timeframe of them ceasing was my main concern. I know there are people who don't believe in these gifts, and people who believe that these gifts have ceased. From personal experience, I would have to disagree. So I wanted to study.

1 Corinthians 13:8-13 ESV
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Verse 8 says specifically that these gifts will end. But it says that after stating that Love never ends. I believe that God is Love (1 John 4:16), so it is stating that God never ends and His Love never ends. This is a beautiful promise. This is also the premise of this paragraph - Love.

Verse 10 speaks of the perfect coming. The perfect is Christ and Christ alone. There is no other perfection. Right now we know in part and prophecy in part. We do not have full understanding. We will not have it until the day that Christ returns because He is perfect. Verse 12 talks about seeing in a mirror right now, but then, when the perfect comes, we will see face to face. The only one I want to see face to face, the only perfect one to see face to face with is Christ. So these gifts will pass away when Christ returns. We will no longer need the gift of prophecy and of tongues when Christ returns because we will know fully. These gifts help us right now, just as the Holy Spirit is called our Comforter and Helper, so are His gifts. They will never replace Christ but they help us live the life Christ has called us to while He is not with us.

The greatest part of learning this was when God confirmed it a few days ago through a daily devotional. Only God knew that we had studied it. In reading the following devotional from Andrew Wommack, I felt so loved, like God had written it just for me to remind me of how much He loves me and wants me to continue to seek Him and understand His Word.

Andrew Wommack Daily Devotional, December 31, 2011 - GOD STILL PERFORMS MIRACLES
(http://www.awmi.net/home)

Mark 16:20 "And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen."

The Lord confirmed the preaching of His Word with miracles. If Jesus and the first century Christians needed the Word confirmed with the miraculous (Heb. 2:4), then we do too. There is no scripture that says these miraculous signs have passed away.

Some people have interpreted "that which is perfect" in 1 Corinthians 13:10, as being the complete Bible. This has led them to believe that the gifts of the Spirit have ceased. Although God's Word is perfect (Ps. 19:7), it is not the "perfect thing" that is referred to here. 1 Corinthians 13:8 does say that tongues shall cease, but it will not happen until "that which is perfect is come."

In 1 Corinthians 13:12, Paul says, "when that which is perfect is come, we shall see face to face." This speaks of seeing the Lord face to face, instead of vaguely, as through a dark glass, as it is now. Some might argue that this is speaking in a symbolic sense, instead of literally face to face. But the next comparison in this verse says that then, "when that which is perfect is come," we shall know all things even as we are also known. There is no other way to interpret this, except as a description of when we will stand before the Lord, after this life. Then we will be face to face, and know all things even as also we are known.

Verse eight says that at the time prophecies fail and tongues cease, knowledge will vanish away. This is talking about the next life, or the new heavens and earth, because one of the signs of the end times is that knowledge shall increase (Dan. 12:4).

So the "that which is perfect" that Paul speaks of, cannot be the Bible. It has to be either our glorified body, or Jesus at His second coming. Either way, these verses establish that until "that which is perfect is come," tongues and prophecy will remain. They are still valid gifts, and even today, it is God's will to accompany the preaching of His Word with miracles

Anger

2011-11-13T15:18:00.001-08:00

I'm thankful today that God is big enough to handle mine. I'm thankful that I can be mad at Him and act like a child because life doesn't look anything like I'd like it to, and He still loves me unconditionally. I'm thankful that I can type this out and end up with tears in my eyes because I don't like being angry with God and I'm just frustrated.

Swayed

2011-11-11T16:20:00.001-08:00

I wish I wasn't. I feel like I'm being swayed more lately though. My days are filled with emotions of frustration, overwhelmed with thoughts and desires for the future, loneliness. Then I spend time in the Word, in His Word. Then I'm filled, I'm calmed, I'm walking in peace. He is my strong tower.

I've spoken often about life here, how it's nothing I'd ever imagined. We have a habit of moving every 2.5 years. We're discussing, we're praying, we're believing. And maybe that's why the frustration is more prevalent than before. There have been things I've wanted that have not come to pass. There's a lot of waiting, a lot of ideas thrown around. I always want God's best, His purpose and His plans are always massively better than anything I can come up with on my own. Waiting on that is rough. And being where we're at is not where I expected us to be. Moving forward is what I long for, and yet we're hanging out here. But I know that He's real. And I'm so blessed every time I open His Word. Literally, every time. In the midst of so much unknown and so many desires that I don't know how they're going to happen, I can still find peace in Him.

I feel like there's so much more to say but the words are missing. The emotions to convey, the desires burning inside, the questions of how and why. I don't know how to put them into words. Tears come easily when I actually open up to discuss the things on my heart. Vulnerability is never easy. I want someone to understand, someone to tell me exactly what the next step is and how things are going to work out and what the future holds. That person is Jesus though. No one else can give me a map of my life. People can tell me ideas but I'm looking for what Jesus has. I'm waiting. Staying in the Word is my only source of strength, my only hope. I don't want to be swayed by every thought, every idea, every opportunity. That's not what I'm called to do, I know that much. He is faithful, He is loving, kind and Good. I'm gonna hold onto those promises, no matter how hard it gets.

Marriage

2011-11-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

It can be rough ya'll. But here's some great insight on how to make it better. I'll warn you, there's some hard words to hear, and it's not going to be easy. But it's simpler, and it makes your marriage amazing. Enjoy.

:)

Waiting

2011-10-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

Story of my life - waiting is the hardest. It's good for us, but it doesn't tend to get easier. The one thing I'm learning in this period of waiting is that the battle of the mind is tougher than I ever really gave it credit for. Keeping my mind in tact, keeping it focused on what is good, right, holy, pure, and just, helps. A lot. We are given authority to control our mind, to control our emotions, and yet so often we allow them to run rampant. We think that we need to experience every emotion, to let it move us, and to be swayed by it. Nope. Emotions are good, don't get me wrong, but when you start to live by them instead of just experiencing them and letting them pass along like they're supposed to, things go downhill very quickly. Our mind is a battlefield as well. You gotta watch where you step in there! One misstep and you could be off to the races on a road you're not supposed to be near! Oy. Control. It's about what God has given to you over your body for His glory. Boundaries are great, they're for freedom. They protect. Live within boundaries and you will thrive. But it's not just about the boundaries, it's really about the One who sets them for you because He loves you more than you could ever imagine. All that to say, waiting is hard. But when I've got authority to walk in truth about who He says I am, and who I know Him to be, waiting is just a little bit easier. Praising Him tonight in the midst of waiting.

Hermit life

2011-09-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

Bronchitis is not fun. Coughing for 3 weeks is also not enjoyable. But this little social butterfly is learning the peace and simplicity of hermit life. I've told many people that this summer was literally the busiest one of my entire 30 years. When camp ended, my body was done and decided I needed some rest. Hence the sickness. Learning to stay home and not surround myself with friends has been difficult, and yet very healthy for our 7-year old marriage. Lots of down time, rest, relaxing, watching movies, and little to no expectations about what needs to be done. It's amazing how sickness is such a healthy thing in our lives at times.

Other than that, life is pretty much the same. Teaching computer lab and helping to train. Danny's still in Anaheim editing. Still sharing space. Still have the dog.

God's still good, faithful, and worthy to be praised. Great sermon series on life's questions going on at Reality LA these days. I recommend following along.

That is all.

Breath of fresh air

2011-07-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been rough, not feeling good about life and opportunities and frustrated. I've let it all hang out on here so you should know:)

Today I'm 100% lighter and my spirit is soaring with the Creator all because of a great conversation that started with a dear friend who spoke wisdom. We discussed this desert we've been in and the ability to get out. She mentioned going back to the last thing God said, and I had to go look. If you're interested, reference these:

http://rochiemochie.xanga.com/695914977/clarification/

http://danny-ro.blogspot.com/2009/10/new-revelation.html

I haven't read this since writing them. I hadn't thought about them. The last few months I've stuck myself in a box. I've found my identity in teaching and become super frustrated about my current situation. My joy has been lost because of the situation, because my hope was no longer in my Creator but in my career. Ewww.

I've gotten so passionate about teaching and the education system, which are good things. In that, I've lost site of what God has really created me to do though. I've gotten stuck on being a teacher, not on loving people.

In rereading these two posts, going back to the last thing God spoke, I remembered that I'm created to love people. Teaching is a gift and a large part of what God has created me to do, but I'm created to love and encourage. So instead of focusing on teaching and finding that job, I'm focusing on the Lord and what opportunities He has in store. I can feel the freedom this perspective brings, the freedom finding hope in the Lord brings instead of taking on the responsibilities of this life on my own. I'm done living in a box that I've created and ready to jump into faith and watch where the Lord directs me.

Love.

The Fight

2011-07-13T06:59:00.001-07:00

Last night I got mad. The summer has always been a little tricky as a teacher. With a salary, things are much easier. When that is not the case, we do other things. We just had a lovely weekend in San Diego and then Monday morning, bright and early, the other car gives out. Life happens, right? Ugh.

In this place of frustration this was not what I was looking for. So I'm thinking through our finances last night, wondering how it's all going to work out (again), getting more upset, and having a slight pity party.

You know when you're having that party right? When you question God and wonder about His plans and wonder what in the world is happening right now to glorify Him? And then my brain engaged with my Spirit and I was reminded of many beautiful discussions I've had lately. The fact that the Word of God is truth, in every circumstance, and that I can't live by my circumstance but by the Truth. The fact that I have been given all power and authority in the heavenly realms and that maybe, just maybe, God is lovingly waiting on me to jump in and be a part of this fight. And finally, the fact that if we resist the devil, he must flee.

So we fought last night, in the heavenly realm, and it felt good. I was, and am still, mad at the devil for fighting against us, for using the same lies he's used for ages and thinking that we're going to fall for them. I'm done sitting on my tush and waiting for his next attack. I'm engaging in this battle and taking back the promises of God. I'm standing on the Rock, leaning into the Fortress that cannot be moved. I'm finding my joy and strength from the One who never changes. It's going to be a fight, I can count on that. But I know that the war is already won and I'm on the winning side. So now it's just time to start living instead of surviving, fighting for the life that I'm called to instead of waiting on the world to come through for me. The world holds nothing. The Word of God is where life begins.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2011-07-11T06:56:00.000-07:00

Good - Great really. 7 amazing years with this one guy named Danny. Praising God for our time together. Spending a weekend of rest together, a weekend of enjoying each other without distraction and recognizing who we are and what we want. So blessed to have him, to be secure in our relationship because of the One who started it all. A beautiful thing to reminisce about the beginning and the journey. 7 years. All glory to Him.

Bad/Ugly - These kind of go together. Here's the vulnerability friends. I'm a pretty disciplined person at heart. I like it, crave it even. The last month or so, this has not been the case. Time with the One who I know is in control of it all has not happened. And I'm starting to actually recognize the consequences. And yet I'm not compelled to change my ways. My heart desires it, my Spirit is crying out for it, and yet I'm motionless in that direction. I miss my Father. I'm finding my joy is waning, somewhat gone if truth is spoken. Frustration comes more easily, negativity abounds. This is not the person I'm created to be. And I don't like it. And yet, why I feel incapable of change I do not know. I'm tired of being stuck though. I'm ready for newness.

Family

2011-06-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

Alicia and Wes (Danny's little sister and her husband) came out and surprised Danny on Wednesday. They're leaving tomorrow morning and I'm sad for their time here to be done so quickly. Our days have been incredibly full and we're taking some time off this morning before going to visit Disney and get a tour from a friend. It's been such a blessing to have them here, to explore the city with them, and to simply spend time together. Having your family come to you when there are states in between is a blessing that cannot be explained.

Quick recap of events because we have done more with them than any other people who have visited I think, or we've just done new things.

Wednesday

lunch at In N' Out
Venice Beach
Santa Monica Pier
3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica
Drive up Benedict Canyon to see the estates
Drive down Rodeo to see the Bugatti

Thursday

Tar Pits
The Grove - Mario Lopez taping for E!
Pink's Hot Dog stand
Hollywood Blvd - Walk of Fame, Grauman's Chinese Theatre
Mulholland Drive
Octopus Japanese Restaurant (sushi)
Griffith Park Observatory - my favorite place in LA, even after 2 years
neighbors

Friday

on the list - Disney tour, down time, and Blue Dog restaurant for dinner

Then it's back to LAX for a super early flight in the morning so they can be home with their kiddo's for the evening. They will be missed. It's times like this that definitely make me think about being close to family and what having kids for us will look like here, so far from those we're related to by blood. And then I come back to the truth that my God is sovereign and has amazing plans and perfect timing. Oh how He loves us. We are blessed.

What happens when life keeps moving

2011-04-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

Realizations -

I miss my Florida peeps. A small group of them reunited this weekend and I was jealous/envious. I still miss them. They're still very much a part of me. It became a little clearer why. I worked with them. They were my family that I saw every single day, except over the summer. I didn't have to worry about seeing them outside of work b/c I knew I'd see them the next day. And there was TIME to see them outside of work. We weren't in church with any of them, but they were some of the best family I've ever been a part of. And that's why they still hold quite a bit of my heart. (Not that I didn't know it was different here, but it was good to realize this and to remember that relationships take work, and that's good and ok and worth it.)
I don't take very good care of myself. What I mean is that I have so much of a servant's heart that I've learned how to take pretty good care of other people and their feelings, but I haven't really learned how to take care of my own. I don't always have an opinion, partly b/c it means that I can't be held responsible for having that opinion, and partly b/c I want to make sure everyone else's opinions are heard. I've been trying to learn how to do this, but hadn't realized the depth to which it went. I need to have opinions. I need to know what I like and don't like. I need to stand up for myself. My husband is great at standing up for me when he's around, but he's helping me learn that even when it's just the two of us, I need to stand up for myself and have an opinion. It's good to have opinions, and they don't have to be exactly the same as everyone else's, even his. I feel a bit like Julia Roberts in the movie "Runaway Bride" after she runs from Richard Gere and learns what kind of eggs she likes. There are things in my heart that I know I'm passionate about, and then there are many other things that I'm completely passive about and have always just pleased people. So in this, I'm learning to have opinions and state my wants/desires. It's a difficult thing. I grew up without much, and stating my wants/desires wasn't really encouraged. I always felt bad doing it because I knew there wasn't much to be had. So I still feel bad asking for things, or making my wants known. And there were always other people to take care of, to make sure things were going the way they were supposed to for them, and my needs/desires would get put on the back burner. This is something I've been learning since getting married I think. I need to take care of me, better.

Community is changing. We're learning what it means to be in community in this season. We're in a season of work, that's for sure. Really it's just a season where work dominates life and doesn't leave much space for community, at least not during the week. And that's strange for me. Danny started working 4 10-hour days. He's taking Friday completely for him, which has been really good for his introverted self. It makes his Mon-Thurs very long though, and just taking care of our relationship takes up what little time is left in those evenings. This is difficult for me. It makes me feel like life is out of balance. It's not the "normal" 9-5 I've always imagined. As a couple we haven't really had that "normal," but I think it's always in the back of my head, and something I still desire for the ease and simplicity it brings to life. But I really should probably work on letting go of that because it causes me unnecessary strain when it doesn't happen.

Family. The twins are growing and changing and looking more like their mother and father. Danny's nieces and nephews are getting into high school and driving and it's crazy to think about them growing up. Relationships have changed so much and it's weird sometimes. Confrontation is coming I think. Many ideas and emotions that haven't yet been put into complete thoughts. All this makes me think about raising children, and when that day will come for us, if that day will come. I have to remind myself that we're not that old and it can still very much happen. It will just be very different than those back home. Lots of letting go of ideas about life I guess. Still working on being an adult.

Praying for:

The Sego Project - our dear friends Josh and Chelsea. they're amazing. pray about giving.
South Sudan Emerging - Jon is going to tell an incredible story. More amazing friends. Please pray about giving here as well.
a job for me, at a school that reminds me of FL, more than anything that God would be glorified (already applied)
peace, discipline, change (and willingness to do it)

Teaching

2011-03-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

You know when you're young and you're asked what you want to be when you grow up? I remember those conversations pretty well. I love animals, and so for a while I would say I was going to be a vet. Then I realized how long veterinarians have to go to school:) And I realized that I don't love Science quite that much, or blood for that matter. It was sometime in middle or high school that I realized how much I enjoyed children. I started thinking about an associate's degree versus a bachelor's degree and what I really wanted to do. I still credit a friend's mom for the decision to get my bachelor's. She was, and still is, a teacher and her argument was to be more prepared, you never know what's going to happen. Then there was the internship in Texas at Teen Mania and understanding my calling as a teacher. It's part of who I am. It's not something I can get away from. So I teach.

I've only been a college graduate for about 5 years. Finding a teaching job is hard, which is understandable. It's like most jobs, knowing someone is the best way to get in, and I didn't know a lot of people. Volunteering in high school wasn't my high point unfortunately. I taught one whole quarter in IN at Topeka Elementary School. This was my first encounter with unions as well. We had discussed them in college and I wasn't a huge fan of them already. They honestly just didn't sound like something I wanted to be involved in. I don't really like big groups, and I don't want my money to go towards policies and political candidates I don't agree with. The woman who approached me while at Topeka told me how great the union was in helping her win a court case. That was first positive story I'd heard, but I was saving for a big move and didn't think I'd need the union before then, so I didn't join.

In FL, I got hired into a public charter school. Overall, it was amazing. The first year was the hardest, but I learned a lot, and I was supported by those around me. I did my best and gave my all. There was no union to be a part of. We had a school board that watched out for us, as teachers, and helped make sure things were running smoothly. Our salaries were lower than that of the district we were in, but I remember it only being about $1K less. With our school board though, we were given bonuses throughout the year, or gifts for things I wouldn't have gotten in a public school. I didn't think a lot about public education or being in a union because I didn't feel affected by it all. Our school was A-rated and rising and we were doing pretty great.

Now I'm in CA. LAUSD (Los Angeles Unified School District) is the 2nd biggest district in the nation. I feel small, to say the least. Budget cuts are everywhere. None of the public districts are hiring because they're all on a freeze, except for a few select positions like Math and Science or Special Education. I've found a teaching job through a 3rd party company and truly enjoy what I do, though I miss being in a regular education classroom.

Being where I'm at, I've seen first-hand the affects of these budget cuts. 30+ students in a classroom. Teachers at their wits ends, frustrated by lack of support and funds, and yet piled high with more paperwork (I understand the paperwork to a certain extent - my principal loved data and we all learned many was to collect and analyze it. But now I enjoy it because I see the benefits of knowing where your student is, through data, and helping them set and achieve goals, through the same data.) What is frustrating for me is watching a generation of students be left behind. I have fourth grade students who can barely read, who don't know things I know I taught in FL to mine, and who have little to no self-confidence. I watch students sit through 30 minutes of work time doing nothing because there is not a teacher standing behind them. I am more concerned now than ever before about the future. I wonder at the ability of these students to learn what's necessary to be successful, and to lead our country. I wonder at how I can make a change, a difference, even in the short amount of time I see them every week.

I say all of this to because I believe there has to be a change. The pendulum has to swing again in the education sector. We watched Waiting for Superman recently and I was reminded about the need for change. I believe in much of what the film says. I know that not all public schools are bad, and that not all public school teachers are bad. There are bad teachers in private schools, probably, but they don't have a union keeping them there. Waiting for Superman really just outlines all the negative ideas I've had about unions and portrays them in a thought-provoking documentary.

So I've spent the last few hours perusing these websites below to get a better understanding, a more unbiased view of unions.
1. American Federation of Teachers
2. Nation Education Association - the biggest union in the country
3. a blogger with the NEA

And then some other websites as well I found helpful.
1. Teachers Unions Exposed - a special project of Center for Union Facts
2. LAUSD's Dance of the Lemons - article by LA Weekly

So basically, I still don't like unions. They were created as a way to help make sure that people were taken care of, earned an appropriate salary for their work, and weren't abused by "the system". I see this happening sometimes. But most of the time I see unions working for people who need to be fired. I don't see the good that unions claim they're doing, I don't see the positive affects. Maybe I'm not looking in the right places. Teachers are the most underpaid worker out there, at least that I know of. I'm sure you've seen the forwarded email, or facebook note, about paying teachers like a babysitter and seeing how much they would be paid if that were the case. The majority of teachers I know are passionate about their work and aren't paid enough to be as good as they are. I know it's hard being a teacher. I know it's hard preparing kids for tests. But teachers seem to be afraid of merit pay because of all the unknown variables in a child's life, or all the known negative variables we have no control over. How do you teach a child who ate candy for breakfast, gets dropped off at school at 7am when school starts at 8am, doesn't get picked up until 5:30pm, has no one at home asking about whether or not they have homework, doesn't look in their backpack, plays video games all evening, and goes to bed late? Who do you blame? As a teacher, I say it can no longer be about the blame, but simply about being the best that you can be and giving every student your all. Stop worrying about the things you cannot change and work on the things you can. I say merit pay is good because to me, it seems like best-practice - things we were taught in college to become great teachers. I would take merit pay over being a part of a union any day.

I want to make a change. I want to make a difference. I don't want this generation to grow up without hope, to grow up not believing in themselves. I believe that every child can be successful; what that looks like is going to be different for every child though. We don't have a cookie-cutter that gives us children exactly the same. Every one is different and every one deserves our best as teachers. So when it all comes down to it, what are you fighting for? Collective bargaining rights or students?

It's not over, but it's going to be quite a ride.

The work update

2011-02-15T15:32:00.000-08:00

Danny is now the editor of Chop, Cut, Rebuild. Check your local listings for when it's on in your area on Speed Channel. We're pretty excited. I'm stoked that it's only been a year and a half and he's already on his way. 48 week contract under his belt. It feels slightly stable, and we'll take that. It's still a drive, but he really likes the people he works with and talks about them all the time. Being under leadership with great ideas and vision is a huge plus, whether you're a believer or not.

He's also serving at church now, which I think is super cool. I serve at our info table and realized this past Sunday that it's really a great fit because I actually get to have conversations with people instead of just say one word before they move on. Danny is starting his service in our Media and Tech department. He got to sit in the booth last Sunday. We have 2 cameras at every service and they're switching between the two so he'll be helping out with all that. It's nice being "behind the scenes" at church again. There's definitely a difference in the people you meet and learn to know when you're serving compared to just attending.

In other news... I'm applying everywhere I can to see about teaching this fall. I'm hoping/believing that God's got something better for the fall. So... we'll see what happens.

All power and authority

2011-01-17T11:29:00.001-08:00

I went to a worship service last week. We really enjoy our church, but there's an aspect of the Holy Spirit missing. The Holy Spirit is how we live this life Christ calls us to. Without the Holy Spirit, we are powerless. Here are some reminders.

Luke 9:1 - 2
We're given authority over demons and the ability to heal sickness. We have the authority. Danny and I have been praying, asking God for direction, wondering about staying or going. Being in this service reminded me that we have authority and we need to stop letting Satan get in our way. He doesn't want us here. He doesn't want us feeling comfortable doing what God has called us to. We haven't felt peace about leaving, we haven't really planned on it, and this was confirmation about why. We're not supposed to. We need to learn how to fight instead. We need to put the Devil on notice in our lives and kick him out of every aspect of it and live in the authority that Christ has given us. We've been praying and praying and praying but we haven't been walking in the power. When we pray, we need to believe we have received what we've asked for and DO IT. It's so easy to get caught up in the praying, in asking people to just pray for help but when do we act on it? We've been living in this so I'm preaching to the choir here. We've been struggling and asking for help when in fact, we need to be fighting. Every day is a battle and we need to acknowledge that and be the soldiers we're called to be. So take the authority He's given you and live in the calling He's put on your life. Don't back down and let the Devil get the best of you. Don't let him keep your spirits low and keep you from praising God.

Mark 4:35-41
Don't be in awe of the storm you're currently in. Be in awe of the one who slept through the storm. The storm is powerful, yes, but there is One who can calm the storm. The disciples woke him up and He rebuked the storm. He took the authority He'd been given and rebuked the wind and the rain. There are storms we're all struggling through. Life is not easy; that's not something God promised. But He did promise that He'd be with us and He'd give us everything we needed. So stop whining and complaining about the storm and start taking the authority that's been given to you, rebuke that storm, and start living. Acknowledge the circumstances in your life but stop letting them rule your life and your decisions.

Acts
Paul was converted in Acts. He was called to preach and he traveled around the country. Many times there were people who wanted to stone him. He was stoned at one point and left to die. But time and again, Paul didn't give up. Even when he was imprisoned, he didn't give up. He surrounded himself with disciples, people who believed in the Truth of the Gospel, people who prayed with him and walked in authority with him. Even when Paul was stoned and left to die, he got up and returned to that city. He didn't let circumstances hold him back from doing what God had called him to do. This was the one that really hit me. We've allowed our circumstances to hold us back from doing what we're supposed to be doing. Life is changing and that's fine, but we're still called to be here. We don't have peace about leaving, we haven't been called elsewhere, so we stay and we fight. So we're learning how to fight and how to be soldiers in this place. We need to stop looking for sympathy and start finding our prayer warriors who stand and take authority with us over our circumstances, kicking the Devil back where he belongs, and moving forward into what God has called us to.

"If you love Him, you've got to obey Him."

Be empowered today. Walk in the authority Christ has given you. Put the Devil on notice and take back what he's stolen. He came to steal, kill, and destroy. Christ came to give life, and life abundantly. Who would you rather live for? Who would you rather have in control? I'm walking with the Father, in the Truth and Power of His Word. I hope you choose the same.

Tithing

2011-01-16T16:19:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about this lately and just felt led to blog about our story with it. So here's to boasting in the Father.

We always tithed. I was a disciplined tither, as was Danny. We got married and it didn't change. We moved to Fl and it didn't change. We moved to LA and something happened.

In the fall of 2009 we were fresh here and unsure about where the money was coming in. We walked in fear instead of trusting God to provide. One Sunday we decided not to tithe. We decided to pay bills instead. After that, we didn't tithe. Only when we felt like we had extra money, or saw it in our checking, did we tithe. It was not often.

This fall I started reading Big God with a friend. We were talking about verses to memorize and she mentioned Malachi 3:10. We talked about tithing and how we hadn't been. I can't describe her exact response, but she loved me and challenged me. I worked on memorizing that verse and we talked. We decided it was time to trust God with our finances again. We had made it through the year and God had provided, but we had been withholding from Him what was His. When He blesses us, it's so that we can bless others and that was not something we had been doing.

The changing point came one Sunday at church. It was the first Sunday we were tithing again. There was not much in checking that week. We knew there was more coming but we didn't know when and the bills were more than what was coming in. We talked about giving some of our tithe, but not the whole 10%. At church we struggled, sat and cried, and finally gave in to what God was asking. We rewrote the check for the full amount. Literally, the next day we were blessed with a financial gift that was enough to cover two of our biggest bills, due within days. We were completely provided for, beyond our imaginations.

That was in October. Since then, I can look back and am amazed at the way God has kept His promise. Tithing is the one thing that we're allowed to test God with, and we've done just that. And He's done His part. There has been extra work, extra provision, just extra. The numbers don't line up on paper. It's not logical. The amount we've been able to tithe is beautiful and exciting. The things we've been able to do with the extra have been blessed.

I know tithing is hard when there's not much coming in. For us, it was about remembering that God's word is true. You are a child of the King who rules the Earth. He's good. Why would He not want you to be able to pay your bills? Trust Him, and watch Him take care of you like you never imagined.

Part of the problem

2011-01-06T10:34:00.001-08:00

I'm part of the problem. I didn't want to recognize it. It's not pretty. It makes my insides pretty darn ugly actually. But I have some sense of clarity, something to work on. It may not change our circumstances, it may not change the world, but it'll change me. Yuck. It won't be easy, I can see that already. I don't like that I have to work on it. It's humbling. And again, it's yucky. I need help. So I'm seeking that out. It'll be a good road, a good journey, though it may not be fun. Here goes everything.

Nothing new, and yet, wanting more

2011-01-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas and New Year's have come and gone. I was able to go to Indiana for a week, meet the nephews, and hang out with people I haven't seen in years.

Being home makes you think about being close to family. Things are not what they used to be, which is good and bad. People change, though apparently not everyone wants to. I've realized I'm strange for wanting to change. I've also realized it's partly circumstantial. But I'm also a firm believer in change and growth. If I stay the same person I've always been, how is Christ at work within me?

Back to Indiana and people. The twins were great. There was definitely talk about having our own and wanting to be closer to family. Always happens when you're around family. There are 16 nieces and nephews now when you combine the 2 sides. That's a lot of cousins, if only we were having one of our own.

The questions all returned: is it time to move, are we running from a hard situation or acknowledging it's not working, do we keep pushing when it doesn't feel like there's anything to push for? It was funny being around all these mom's and listening to them talk about their experiences. We have never wanted to use the government to have kids, though we're kind of the reason they're there. We have jobs, they just don't provide enough. The question then becomes, should we be having them in the first place? I like to talk myself in circles; one of my fun qualities.

I also realized that we haven't been anywhere for more than 2.5 years since getting married. I mean, we move apartments every 12 months or less, but we move states every couple years. I'm not sure I know how to settle down anymore, and that's something else I feel like is on the list of things "needed" to have a family. I know the list in my head isn't all necessary. They're more things that I want and desire, things that would be really nice to have. Then I think about our age, and I know we're not old by any means, but things change as you gain years and babies are harder. Oy. Babies. I'd like my own. So what does that look like?

More than anything, this all brings me right back to my knees. After reading Big God I've been so challenged and prayer is part of that. I want prayer and worship, I need it in my life. I need it in a way that's outside of my comfort zone. I need God more than anything. That's the honest truth. I can talk myself in circles; I generally do talk myself in circles. He is the only one who provides strength, wisdom, love, and direction. So I will pray. I will wait. And I will trust that His plans are always best.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
— C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia)

Normal, change and risks

2010-11-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

A lot of my conversations lately have revolved around what is normal and change.

I have realized that when I talk to people and they ask how life is, I generally say something about it being crazy. I realized yesterday that my normal is crazy. It's not what I thought life would be at this point, but it's normal for right now. The exciting part of this new normal is watching God continually work out the details and always working on relinquishing my control of what I thought normal should be. I'm learning again that you have to roll with the punches. Don't hold so tightly onto this life because it is forever changing, and that's ok. We all have different normals because we're in different seasons, different circumstances of life.

A friend from high school used to tell me that if her current boyfriend (whom she's now married to) wasn't God's best then that was fine. That simply meant that God's best was even better, which was pretty cool. It's been really good to be reminded of that truth in the current season. Even if I like where I'm, if God moves me it only means that His plans and ways are still better than what I've got. Isaiah 55:8-9 speaks to His plans and ways being higher and better than ours. So good. So glad He's truth and I'm not.

Along with normal, Danny and I were talking about the education system Saturday. I'm not happy with it. I'm not happy with the generation we're currently raising and the curriculum in the school I'm at. Curriculum should be student-based, not teacher-based. It was adopted out of necessity but I look at the students and what they don't know and the skills they're missing because of this curriculum. It makes me sick. It's definitely a passion. And Danny did what Darrell did years ago that jump-started the whole process.

"What are you going to do about it?"

Ugh. I have no idea. I've been putting off my Masters for many reasons, not looking forward to going back to school at this stage of life, but this question puts me in a place of understanding it's probably part of the process. I don't have any answers yet but it takes me back to normal.

I'm not happy with what's currently normal in the education system, with unions making decisions and great teachers being cut and crappy curriculum being used. The thing is, if I don't like what's normal, the only thing I can change is me. That's the starting block. If I don't like normal I have to look around and research and put forth effort into seeing what can be changed. Often times this involves risk. Change is risk. It always will involve some sort of risk because it is normally outside of our comfort zone. So if I'm not willing to change or take risks, then I have to stop complaining about my normal. If I'm not willing to put forth the effort and get out of my comfort zone and trust God with new things, I have to stop talking about it. It's a helpful thought in figuring out what's really important and what do I really believe in.

In Teen Mania we were encouraged to dream as big as God dreams because His dreams will always be even bigger. We were also encouraged to believe that if we could do something on our own, it wasn't big enough. If we could do something on our own, why would we need to trust God? If it looks impossible to you and to those around you, then there's a much better chance that it's the Lord. I don't believe that God calls us to comfort. We may live comfortably in one sense or the other, but I am a firm believer in God wanting us to seek opportunities that are outside of our comfort zone. How will I change and grow if I'm not trying new things and taking risks? It's interesting to see some truths I learned from 10 years ago coming full circle in this season. There are things I was never interested in, places I was never interested in, things I never thought about doing, but if it's what He's calling me to then I'm ready for that adventure. Hold on tight to Him and not the world. This world will pass away and will fail you always. He is the best adventure you could ever search after.

The silver lining

2010-11-07T13:30:00.001-08:00

I'm looking for it. Some days are easier than others.

I chose my emotions this week. It amazes me sometimes how I work. How I can be fine at work, enjoying my classes and being around students and teaching, and then get home and fall apart and have my "good" attitude completely disipate. I was a goober this week and had to apologize to Danny for it. It wasn't helpful to anyone.

We're suffering through life right now. It's not fun, but that's the reality. I'm also realizing that we're being tested. I think I'd rather focus on the testing and see what God has in store than the suffering. Granted, we're promised suffering, we're promised trials. Jesus went through them. We will too. It doesn't make them easier, but makes them more worth it. With testing though, I've been reminded that faith needs to be exercised just like our bodies do. If we don't exercise our bodies, they become lumps of fat and we become lazy and unmotivated. Our faith takes the same dive when we don't exercise it. I really don't want a faith that has atrophied from lack of use. So I'm claiming the promises that the testing of our faith produces endurance (James 1:2-4).

Honestly, life is about Jesus. That's the true silver lining. We like to claim Jeremiah 29:11, that God has plans to prosper us. But verse 12 and 13 go on to talk about how when we pray, He will listen, and when we seek Him with our whole heart, we'll find Him. It's about the process. He wants us to know Him. He is the goal, nothing else. He is the best. Obeying Him is better than whatever we have today. Do we love Him more? I didn't this week. I stayed in my emotional mess that got me nowhere.

I have no control over our lives. I have no control over the details of our finances. I can do everything in my power, or I can rely on the power of God through the Holy Spirit. I can focus my energies on living how I think I should, or I can focus my energies on knowing the Father and trusting in His power. He's provided for 16 months of L.A. and countless more before that. I have to give up my ideas about the details and know Him.

The great part? His word is Truth. He is my Rock, my Salvation, my ever-present help in time of trouble. He has provided a group of amazing friends in our lives to support and love us through this time. He knows the plans, which means working out the details is His problem, which means I don't need to worry about them. Working on walking in Truth this week. I know I sound like a broken record. I wish I didn't. But I'm praying that God is glorified through the journey, and if He is, then it's worth it. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less (John 3:30).

Big God, p114-115

2010-10-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

This rattles me every time I read it. It's a long excerpt, but so good.

The Myth of Security
Not only did Jesus say that we should love Him more than anyone else, He also, "Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35) We must surrender our lives to Him to find a life worth living, but something gets in the way - our need to control. Uh-oh. We all have it, don't we? We have a real need to control and to be in control, because if we feel that we're in control, then it perpetuates the myth of security in our lives. All of us have bought into that idea that we can be secure somehow - it's part of the American dream! But notice I called it the "myth" of security. It's a myth because you can never know what waits around the corner. We each create our own infrastructure and build up walls around us that appear to provide security. But no matter how hard we try, that security is just a myth. You have no idea what tomorrow holds. You may lose your job, your home, your spouse, all that you hold dear.
The security, a core ideology of Americans, so important to us is really a myth because of the unknown. And yet this sense of security causes us to take risks for our benefit all the time. We tell ourselves, "I built up this nest egg. Therefore, I can do this for myself and I'll be okay." But simultaneously this myth of security paralyzes us from taking risks for God, because we think, "I've got it together! I have a comfortable life and a little nest egg set aside. I can't risk that. I can't put it all on the line and go do that new thing You're calling me to do, God. I can't lay aside the family business. I can't lay aside that house. I can't aside these comforts." We get paralyzed by that satanic, false sense of security. And God wants to deal with that. Because the only secuirty we can truly have is found in the person of Jesus Christ and the gospel of God, the only real security. As Christians we need to be willing to take risks according to that reality - risks that bring glory to God and benefit His kingdom, instead of benefiting us.

Read it. Big God by Britt Merrick. "What happens when we trust Him"

to believe or not to believe

2010-10-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

Danny now works at Chop, Cut, Rebuild doing editing. He enjoys the work, but it's an hours drive away in Anaheim without traffic. It should take him through December sometime; hopefully their word is better than the other place's.

I started back at Lassen Friday. It was good to be back and feel welcomed by everyone. I'm thankful to have my full hours back finally.

I'm reading Big God with a friend and doing the study guide that comes with it. It's challenging me more than the first time I tried to read it because of the study guide and thinking through how much I actually trust God. This is a great time to read it, considering the circumstances we're in with jobs. I thought I was good, thought that I trusted God thoroughly and was ready to not have stability still. Then Danny's work got switched and we started talking about the future.

We want to have a family. We're ready. But financially we're not. And I know; finances will never be perfect. We're not waiting for perfection. When we first moved here I had to learn to let go of stability and comfort. I got to that point, and I was fine with living completely in the unknown, going with the flow of whatever work was coming in, or wasn't coming in. God always provided, ALWAYS. But when it comes to having a family, to adding children to the mix, we want to be as wise as possible. When we struggle to pay bills for the two of us and Cooper, how can we add a child into that mix? I'm struggling with wanting jobs for both of us that provide financial stability to pay down debt and feel a little more comfortable, wanting jobs that have insurance because there are lots of dr's visits with pregnancy, and jobs that would last longer than a few months here and there. I'm struggling with wanting these things and wondering if it's ok to want them or not. I know that God has called us here and I've learned what that looks like for the two (three with Cooper) of us. Now I'm wondering what that looks like to add one more. I have no answers. I realized that adding a child is the thing that throws me off. I trust God for Danny and I. It's been ridiculous being in LA, honestly. It's been a huge faith journey where we trust God regularly for work to pay the bills and get through another month. Like I said, He's always provided. Now it's a matter of trusting Him to add another one to our little family. Do I trust Him enough to stay in LA?

Along with this comes the questions of promise and suffering. Suffering is part of the Christian walk. If anyone tells you it's not, they're lying to you. Since being here, we've definitely been blessed but it's been a constant struggle. There have been weeks at a time where it's been easier, but it's never lasted. God also promises us a lot of good in His word. How do those two work together?

I don't have answers. I wonder about LA and staying. We don't feel called to leave yet. There are things to do here, people to love. And there's a big "but" hanging in the silence. I've been thinking through this for a couple weeks now. It's hard. I was reminded this morning though that I have a God that is big enough to take my questions, and loves me enough to want me to find the answers. Keep letting go right? Keep trusting? Keep believing? Without answers? Keep walking by faith, even when it feels about the size of a mustard seed?

Praying.

New thoughts

2010-09-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

What we thought we had, we don't. The hours are gone, the work is gone; we're left waiting.

Yet another chance to trust the Lord, another chance to lean in and wonder at His plans and His ways that are not ours. Sadly, I find myself struggling with this one more than I have and it frustrates me. The situation is slightly different though.

I'm thankful that my husband is utilizing contacts, putting out feelers, and thinking outside the box. We're at somewhat of a loss right now. Literally all I can do is pray. There's nothing more and nothing less. Will you join us?

Update of completely random thoughts

2010-09-21T12:51:00.001-07:00

Boring title, right? I couldn't come up with anything better but realized it's been almost a month since the last one.

Danny's loving work. He's been switched to days while a co-worker is vacationing. We're not sure about the schedule but working with it. He's off weekends so we're enjoying down time then and hanging out with friends. Praise God for the relationships he's brought. Danny's been doing a lot of editing as well as after effects work. They're working on coursework for USC and they might be doing the same for UNC. We're just blessed beyond measure with this job. They way God provided it and is using it to provide for us is amazing and leaves me speechless and humbled on a regular occurrence.

I feel like the Lord is teaching me about discipline and relationships right now as those are two common themes in my readings. The new budget is one that requires discipline in order to pay off debt and not consume more. It's a new place for us. Our lives require discipline, as do our relationships. Exercise is a discipline I lack in and I'm wondering how to kick it into gear. Relationships are a discipline I feel good about sometimes and horrible about other times. I've been reminded of the work and discipline they involve though. If we're stagnant in our relationships they fall apart and people lose interest at best. Marriage takes work, time and effort that we often times don't give.

I love my husband. I think he's pretty wonderful. I'm blessed by the conversations we have together, by the fact that he listens when I speak and respects my opinion. I take for granted how much he cares about me and desires good things for me. He recently attempted a project with some desk chairs and conquered them, which I'm still pretty excited about. It saved us money and created something new. He's my hero.

Lonely nights but wonderful news!

2010-08-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

We are proud to announce Wingspan Pictures as Danny's new employer!

August has been amazing. When I wrote a few weeks back there were many uncertainties. After Danny's cousin passed away our small group rallied around him and sent him home. He didn't make it for the funeral, but his time with family was necessary and invaluable. He left a few days after that last post and got to be there almost a week. We praise the Lord often for our community group through Reality LA. We've been there a full year now, and involved in the same community group for that year. We haven't done either of those things at a church since leaving Indiana, and we are blessed beyond imagination by being there.

Danny's first interview with the Apple store didn't go well, as most group interviews do not. After hearing back, he got a call from a different Apple store for an interview. He aced it and we were hopeful. Then came the 2nd interview, with another potential worker at the same time. They had the exact same answers, but the other guy spoke first. Disappointment.

Then came the random message on FB from one of my friends asking for Danny's contact info to be a PA for their neighbor. The guy was impressed by Danny's resume and took him on. He worked on the infomercial where Chef Tony uses knives to cut fruit in the air and cut through aluminum cans.

Thursday he got a call from a friend while on set. His friend had just been at an interview and didn't get the job. They went on to ask him about doing After Effects. He said he knew someone and called Danny. After passing along his information, Wingspan emailed Danny within the hour. Danny needed to work Friday so the interview was set for today.

There was much discussion over the weekend about what this job would entail and the opportunities it would provide. I had just finished reading some chapters in Britt Merrick's book, Big God, about "faith waiting" and I really felt like this was what we had been waiting on. God had placed the verse in Proverbs that says, "Without vision, the people perish" on my heart in July and so we made our goal lists. Then Danny put his resume in with Entertainment Partners. It would have been a great salary and sort of in the industry, but not quite. Then came the Apple Interviews and the PA job. In between there were the dreams (see last post). Now here was a job that would let Danny actually use his degree and do what he really wanted to do, and get paid for it. This felt right.

While these interviews were happening, God provided financially by bringing a nanny gig for a 2 week time period. I had applied for it and they chose someone else. Things changed drastically and I was called in. It was a huge blessing.

When I got the text at 5 today that he was starting immediately, the butterflies in my stomach, the excitement, the desire to yell and jump and dance for joy were all I felt. We are amazed at the way God worked every last detail out for August and for what's to come.

He'll be working 8p-4a. This company has tripled in size in the last month and a half. The current project is to do orientation videos for USC's incoming freshmen. This will take the next month and a half. Because of the current amount of work, they're asking him to do 7 days a week, up to 12 hours per day. It's a lot, but we're thankful. We know our lives will need adjusting, again, but we're thankful. This is not a job where he works one project and then it's done. This is long-term. He'll be doing actual editing (piecing together video's to make them look pretty), After Effects (visual effects and motion graphics), and apparently there's even the potential for him to get on set. He gets to use his degree, completely. There are no benefits but we're so excited and thankful for the opportunity to pay down our debt. This will be the 1st time in 6 years of marriage where we both have jobs in the field we desire and are making money doing it.

In other great news today, I got a 2nd job! I tutored last year but decided not to. I interviewed with a family on Sunday. 2 children, 10 year old male and 13 year old female. Divorced dad within the last few months. In the hour I spent with them I felt like we really connected. They are great kids. When the dad called today to hire me I was stoked. Every Wed, Thurs, and every other Friday I'll get them from school, chauffeur them to their respective lessons, make sure homework gets done as well instrument practicing, and probably get dinner around. I'm really excited about being a part of their lives.

In all of this, we rejoice. We don't just rejoice because the Lord has blessed us beyond our imaginations but because He is good. Many of our friends are going through trials and yet we rejoice. He is our Hope. The world will continue to crumble around us but we still have the confident Hope that He is for us, not against us, and that we get to spend eternity with Him.

Things I'm learning/realizing

2010-08-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

We're making goals and I'm super excited about this. I've had the verse in Proverbs that says, "Without vision the people perish" in my head so we've been working on getting thoughts on paper and having a better idea of where we're going and some ideas about how we're getting there. It's fun to look at and think about the future again.

On that note, LA is becoming home. We used to talk about "going home" as our backup plan, like back to IN. It was a security blanket I think, plan B if we ever needed it. After talking through goals and finances, we realized moving back to IN and living with family wouldn't actually save us that much money. Certain things would be cheaper, don't get me wrong, but overall we'd have to have the same type of jobs that we need here in order to really pay down debt and make the move worthwhile. So why not just stay? That, and we realized we don't have a desire to move back anymore. Sorry family, we love you dearly and want to be close and see you, but... LA is becoming home. That's soooo exciting for me especially and I think Danny too. Florida was very much home before we left and we both definitely still miss it, but the family that God has blessed us with here is becoming more wonderful by the week and we're loving the relationships He has us in that are unfolding. I honestly didn't know if this day would come, calling LA home, but I feel good about it. And I even feel half-way decent about getting pregnant here. No we're not pregnant now but that conversation has come up more and it's something I'd like to do sooner than later. I'm being as vague as possible on that point:)

We're very excited about where God is taking us right now. He's been working through Danny's dreams in the past few weeks. The day his cousin passed away in IN he dreamt that Cooper died in a very similar way. Then he had dreams about the end of the world and we prayed a lot about what those meant. Then he had dreams I was pregnant. So we're thinking the end of the world dreams are about a season of our lives ending, not so much the actual world. And then a friend brought up the idea last night that the pregnant dreams could very well be us impregnated with something new. Which all makes sense because of the next paragraph.

Danny has an interview on Tuesday with the Apple store. He would be at the location about 5 blocks away from our apartment if he gets it. We're really hoping this will be his chance to get out of Massage Envy finally, or potentially work two jobs and pull in extra money to maybe pay down debt. We're soooo excited about this interview and the opportunity for something new. Working at Apple also means discounts and he definitely needs a more powerful computer in order to keep doing the After Effects work, and be able to do it faster. He also has a resume in at a company called Entertainment Partners. We have friends who work there who gave him the heads up. Apparently everyone, including HR, thinks likes his resume a lot so we're praying/hoping for a call from them. That job would mean a salary we've never had the whole time we've been married and benefits. It would be a complete God-thing. It would be 9-6 with an hour lunch so it also means a "normal" work week.

With those two opportunities, he's also created a flier for his photography that we'll be posting on Craigslist. He's excited about getting it out there and hoping for the ability to get work on the weekends or evenings doing pictures. It's another part of the industry that he loves and wants to be more involved in. After the flier was completed he's been working on doing tutorials and learning more about the program After Effects so that he can create more projects and put his reel together. Once his reel is ready, hopefully by October at the latest, he'll be sending that out with his resume to all his contacts and his Full Sail guy. It's exciting to see him motivated and working towards accomplishing his dreams.

I finally got called by the temp agency and I'm working with a grassroots group to sign petitions against the healthcare plan. We're also working on registering voters. I have had some very interesting conversations since starting this. And yes, this does mean that I am currently one of those people that stands outside the grocery store asking you to sign. The exciting part is that I've made some contacts for Danny randomly through these conversations. Also the guy I'm working with daily has me in the office this week to help him out with administrative stuff. If you know me at all, you know that I'm organized and clean and love to be on top of all that. This is so exciting for me and I'm hoping it'll be helpful on my resume for other odd jobs of being an administrative assistant during the summers/breaks if necessary. It's always good to diversify your resume, especially being a teacher in this economy.

I've also had some call-backs about babysitting and the kids I've worked with are absolutely great. I'm looking forward to more fun times with them when they need me. School starts September 13 and I'll be working all 5 days this year. I'm planning on tutoring for the same company I did last year as well.

God has been faithful and our faith has been stretched. These last two months have been so hard financially, and yet Sunday mornings have been exactly what we needed, when we needed them. Our pastor is working through Romans 12, verse by verse. Through Him we've made it. Through Him we'll continue to make it. Through Him we'll keep moving forward. Our hope is in Him and Him alone. We've cut up two credit cards in the last two months so we're down to one and working on paying them all off. We're excited about the way He orchestrated that and how it's taking us to another place of not relying on credit but on Him to pay all the bills. He's working it all out according to His timing and His will.

Four weeks

2010-07-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be four weeks on one paycheck. I'm praising God that He has sustained us this far. I'm praising God that my faith has (mostly) lasted this long. Usually I'm the one who breaks down and has fears and questions. I've been able to hold on this time and work on my trust. It's a daily choice.

I'm working on applying everywhere I can. The problem is simply that I don't get paid during the summer b/c I'm not contracted like a classroom teacher is. I'm hourly. So there's potential that I have a job in the fall. I'm planning on that actually, even though I haven't actually heard if the contract with the school has been signed or not. Huh. Things that make you go, hmmmmm. Definitely. So I'm starting to wonder about asking my boss for unemployment. All the "normal" retail places you think of for summer work (ie. Target, Barnes, Starbucks...) aren't hiring. I've looked into temp agencies and haven't heard back. I've looked at hotels, things outside of my degree. I've checked Craigslist and nanny agencies and applied to more than I can count. And yet.... I sit.

We have 2 more months to get through before school starts. The Lord provided an excess in June. No idea how it worked out but there was enough for what was needed and enough for some extra that happened b/c of the move across town. And this month; one paycheck and still the bills are getting paid. Thanks in part to my dear friend who felt called to help. Again, it makes no sense what-so-ever, specifically on paper. We're not going hungry. We're not doing much that costs money. And we're still believing.

I feel a little like the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7. The more jars the woman had the more oil she had. It just continued to pour out. Where did it come from? It stopped flowing when there were no more jars to fill. I have a note in my Bible, from a sermon at some point, stating that when there were no more jars, they limited God's power. This story has come to my mind in the past few days. It makes me think about how long I'm willing to trust that God has something, how long am I willing to wait on His timing and trust His provision even when it's not possible on paper? How long am I willing to trust in my God who is able to do the impossible? I guess it's made me question myself and our situation. She trusted what the wise man said to be true and was provided for. Am I ~~able~~ willing to keep trusting? Granted, I don't feel like I have lots of options at this point. So I'm waiting for that oil to keep pouring out, hoping that I have more jars to fill it with, and praying that the oil keeps flowing.

Summer...

2010-07-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

is about believing
is about sunshine and basking in His glory
is about promises fulfilled
is about waiting on Him
is about friendship - old and new
is about time together
is about family
is about forging ahead into what continues to be the unknown

Summer is about believing.

New address

2010-06-22T22:12:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. It seems that we move on a yearly basis. Our lease is up and we pack up and find somewhere new. The good part is that we condense all the time and work to keep what is ours not very much. It also helps us explore new parts of the cities we live in. The bad part is the packing. I'm not a huge fan. I know Cooper gets super stressed every time he sees boxes. Poor little guy. I'm looking forward to the day when we'll stay at a residence for longer than 12 months. Oh what a day that will be!

For those who care, the new address is:

5412 Sepulveda Blvd. #38

Sherman Oaks, CA 91411

Basically we're moving about 15 miles straight west of where we are now. It's much closer to where I teach and there are some new possibilities for work for Danny in that area as well. We're also looking forward to exploring Ventura Blvd. It's a pretty "happening" street that I can't wait to meander down and find new places to eat, hang out, and buy things at. Here's to more changes!

Forever changing

2010-06-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

Summer's here. It's has brought many changes already and more are coming. A few weeks ago I was really struggling to trust God with our bills again. It's a common occurrence in my life, unfortunately. But we live in a city without stability and apparently I need to continue to learn that He is my only stability. He will supply for all my needs according to His riches and for His glory. That's never my timing. I hate that I get anxious when it doesn't look like things are going to work and that's definitely something I'm still working on. Nobody ever said faith was easy.

This week has been exciting though. We have been blessed with transportation. Thank you to Chelsea and to Michael for making that work. Without you, this door would not have opened. I had a very poignant conversation with a friend this month about transportation and the importance of it in the industry. We've been praying and praying and God paved the way. We're excited about the opportunities to come b/c of this, the ability to go separate ways and do separate jobs. Danny will be able to actually apply to jobs that he hasn't been able to apply to before. Again, this was completely and utterly God.

Opportunities have been coming as well. I have an app in with a private school for the fall. I hope to hear from them by end of the month. If that doesn't happen I'll continue what I'm doing now. I'm interviewing to nanny for the summer on Tuesday, which would be perfect so prayers are welcome! And I'm hoping to train the last week of June to sell educational products to families. That will be something I can do through the summer and then hopefully part time during the school year as well, which will very much help to offset the weeks of vacation time I won't get paid for.

Danny is talking to a friend about a company in Dallas that needs someone to do what he does (After Effects). We're really hoping this door opens and gives him a way out of Massage Envy. He's continually making contacts in the area and getting his feelers out. He's worked on 2 or 3 more government projects this year doing After Effects so he's building his reel to show other potential employers. He's also building two websites, one for photography and one for film. I'm incredibly proud of him and the hard work he's put in in the last few months.

I realized at church today that we've been married for almost 6 years. I have spent those years with my best friend, learning, growing, supporting one another, communicating, loving, traveling, being adventurous, and seeking God's heart. I'm so blessed by our marriage and so thankful to be living this journey with him.

And finally, we're moving across town to Sherman Oaks in two weeks. I'll be closer to work and there are some production companies Danny's hoping to apply with. We're looking forward to living on carpet again after a year of tile :). It's the simple things in life.

God has blessed us immensely this week, beyond our dreams. Trusting Him is so difficult and I'm not very good at it. Yet He provides and I'm humbled by His care and love for us. Danny's favorite saying right now is about moving with God. If we're standing still and God pushes us to go in a certain direction, we're going to fall b/c we're not ready. But if we're moving, keeping our feet active like a basketball player, He has a much easier time directing our course and guiding us where He needs us. It wouldn't be a faith walk if He told us everything ahead of time.

God's funny

2010-05-02T12:49:00.001-07:00

I was just thinking yesterday about how I wanted to type but had nothing to update, nothing's really changed. Then God brought church. Oh church. I love our pastor and the way he brings the word straight from the Word. It's a rough one friends. I highly recommend you go here and listen to it once it's up, or download it on itunes and listen to it. Reality LA.

Community. Community is not an option. What I choose to do, or not to do, shows what I value.

When I come to church, I shouldn't be coming with a consumer attitude. Instead I need an attitude of what can I give? How can I serve these people? And this isn't just when I go to church.

Community is about a shared relationship. It's founded upon the Gospel. Deeper fellowship requires deeper theology. This doesn't mean bigger words that we don't understand. It means learning together and gaining a greater understanding of Him together. That is when we grow together and build community.

Shared Responsibility - if you're communicating something then you have to execute that thing. If you love your spouse you have to show your love to your spouse. You can't just speak words; actions must follow those words.

Sacrifice is a prerequisite for community and fellowship. Our human nature wants to fight against community because to be in community means it's no longer about me, I'm no longer number one. Being in community means laying down what my needs and my wants and putting others before me. Community is about serving and growing together, not about me.

If you react to the way people treat you without the power of the Gospel you WILL be wounded. Wounds bring bitterness when there's no healing. Within the church there are a LOT of wounded people. And then our human nature kicks in and says that since I'm wounded, I need to stay away. I'll just isolate myself. The only person you hurt when you isolate yourself and pull back from people is you. Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill someone else. The church is not perfect. Just b/c someone goes to church does NOT make them perfect. There is no perfect church. But healing doesn't come with isolation, healing comes through serving the person/people who wounded you. Proverbs 18:1 paraphrase - you will get burned by people for the rest of your life no matter where you go. We have to learn how to heal instead of kill ourselves with bitterness.

If what you've given (service) has been trampled on and you're upset about it, think about Jesus' blood and the cross. Romans 13:8. Owe no man anything but LOVE. Are you ready to give and get nothing in return? That's true love. When we give and expect nothing. Not when we give and expect a text or phone or ANY response. That's called giving with interest. We can't give with interest. We will never be filled by humans. We will never be satisfied with what humans give us. Flesh is taking. Love is giving. So stop charging interest and expecting something in return. Join your love account with Jesus (joint checking) and use His debit card to give freely.

The Shared Reward is that our joy will be complete in community. There is no joy in isolation. Is community easy? No. But is it worth it? Definitely.

Those are the basics of the notes I took today. But don't take my word for it. Go hear it yourself. There are so many aspects of my life right now that needed to hear this sermon. I'm so blessed to be in a church where the pastor brings the Word. No fluff, just the word. Off to listen to some more in our doctrine and theology series. Excited:)

Small Group

2010-04-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

We've been discussing prayer and last night was about Praise and Adoration. We discussed the difference between thanksgiving and adoration and I was reminded of Pastor Sam back at TGP. That man loves Jesus and it shows in the way he adores him on a Sunday morning during corporate worship.

We discussed Psalm 27 specifically. Vs. 1 says The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? So we were talking about fear. The fear of the unknown is something I've been learning specifically about so it went right along with that. I brought that up to the group and one of the guys mentioned about the that on Good Friday, when Jesus died on the cross, the disciples were afraid b/c they "had no idea what would happen next." The quotes are mine b/c Jesus told them over and over and over what was going to happen. He told them He'd die and come back, but it they didn't believe it. So here they're living in this fear of the unknown. But Joe brought up the point that we're living in the context of Sunday... Sunday's coming. We KNOW He's coming back to life. I hope that fills you with joy like it did me. Here I am living in the "unknown", having no idea what He's going to do in the coming weeks and months, but I can rejoice in the truth that "Sunday's coming."

Then Tim took it a step further, the step where we truly are today. The disciples were walking in this fear when Jesus died on the cross. Jesus returned for 40 days and then went to Heaven. When He left for Heaven, He gave us the Holy Spirit. Looking at the disciples, they never walked in that fear again. They had the Holy Spirit, Christ WITHIN them. No longer was it a matter of waiting on Sunday and being joyful about the promise that He was going to return. We now live in the truth that He is within us always. He doesn't tell us the exact plan for our lives but look at ALL the promises in His word. He loves us, He died for us, He cares about us, He gives us hope. He never promises that life will be easy or simple or comfortable but He promises that He will be with us always, to the end of the earth. How can I not walk in joy? So today, I choose joy despite the unknown. What I do know is Jesus and that's more than enough.

Don't be like Peter and focus on the water. Focus on the Savior and you can do all things through Him.

The Unknown

2010-03-29T19:52:00.000-07:00

The last 2 Sunday's we've been at church have been pretty intense. I blogged about Brit Merrick being there and his discussion on Jesus being everything, not heaven. Selfishness seems to be a theme right now. This Sunday was similar in theme in that it was about Jesus. We're both working really hard at being disciplined to spend time in the Word every day. It's not easy b/c there are so many distractions. And yet I'm reminded so often that without Him, none of this other stuff (these distractions) means anything. It's a daily struggle still to lay down me and want more of Him. There's so much that I want in this world that really has nothing to do with Him, but it's human nature.

I'm reminded of the saying, "The Fear of the Unknown." I remember talking about how this would hold people back from doing things with their lives and would keep them complacent. When you live by faith there's no knowing what God's going to call you to. I feel like our whole lives are unknown at this point. We know we're where we're supposed to be and there is hope and peace in that. Beyond that, we know nothing. Jobs here are unstable. Work is unstable. Living is unstable. Friendships are all over the place. Life is not what I've ever experienced it as before. I know this is a theme, but I'm still getting used to it. I'm hoping to finally come to terms with it and just let it be, because ultimately there's nothing I can do about it.

All I really know is that I need Jesus more than ever before. He's doing something in the church, bringing us back to the cross, to what's important. It's not easy to let go of the things we were used to but it's necessary to get to the place He needs us to be as His people. As long as He's glorified, it's all worth it.

A relaxing Sunday

2010-03-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

We skipped church today because of the LA Marathon. We go to church in Hollywood and there were a lot of road closures today. It was a great day of spending time with Danny, communing and fellow-shipping together like we don't get to on a regular basis. By the way, I need to brag on him a bit. The last couple weekends in February he was blessed with work. One weekend he worked on Chef vs. City for the Food Network. He got to work with the jib (camera connected to a big arm that can be moved around a stage) and really enjoyed himself. The guy he worked with was really great and we're hoping/praying that God works through that contact for more work. The weekend of the Oscars Good Morning America was here and he got to do PA work for that. He didn't enjoy it as much, but he made another contact, a guy who lives/works in Chicago and does post-production work. Even more exciting is that he's a Full Sail grad and was excited about keeping in contact with Danny. So Danny has a lot of work on his plate right now, getting a demo-reel ready to show off. In the midst of this he's still at Massage Envy. He's been bringing home bonuses every week from being a great salesman. So as much as he may not love where he's at, he's working on doing his best. I'm so proud of him and the effort he's putting in. I can't wait to see what the rest of this year brings.

Last week we had Pastor Britt Merrick speak at church. His 5 year old daughter is battling cancer. He spoke about life and how it's not about getting to heaven. This life is about loving and knowing Jesus. He is our eternal reward, not heaven. He spoke about selfishness. It hit us to the core. We're working on changing the way we spend money and the way we spend our time. Those are two BIG ways to show where your treasure is. It's been a good way of discipline and I'm looking forward to what's ahead.

Today marks a huge day in history as the Senate has just passed a Health Care Reform Bill. We're not thrilled about this and there's a lovely little thing they included about Student Loans that will affect us as well. We don't have insurance right now. As frustrating as this information is I'm feeling blessed to be listening to worship right now and being reminded through song about who's in control ultimately. Our government is making major decisions that will affect my future and future generations but God is still on the throne, Jesus is still sitting at His right hand, and we still have the Holy Spirit.

As much as no one may enjoy living in the unknown, it's where I find myself. I don't know what July and August will look like, let alone the rest of the year and after. I find myself not even thinking about the future unless others bring it up. I'm working on trusting my Father to know what's best for us and to open doors for us that will glorify Him alone. I'm working on not worrying about the future and learning what it really means to live each day to it's fullest. We're not promised tomorrow or the next day so why should I worry about them? My Father makes sure the sparrows are fed, how much more will He make sure I'm taken care of? He is a beautiful Savior and He alone will be glorified through all of this life. I'm so humbled, and thankful, to be a part of what He's doing.

Teaching

2010-02-28T10:57:00.000-08:00

This past week I jumped into a teaching job. I work for a third party company that hires teachers to teach computer science in schools. I'm in an elementary school and work 4 days a week. It's only been a week but I love being back in the classroom. My boss prepares the content for me and makes sure it meets the standards so I just get to teach. It's fun:) Kids are still kids though and I think I tallied up that I see somewhere around 250-300 kids a week. It's weird being a teacher but not really being a part of the community. I'm hoping that gets better.

I'm staying with the kids with autism for now. I really enjoy my clients and it would be hard to leave, but my heart is teaching. It's been an interesting week of wondering about that line of being selfish and pushing my way into an opportunity or staying where I'm at. Most people encouraged me to take advantage of the teaching opportunity because it's what makes me happy. This is true, it does make me happy. There's nothing like it for me. But I have felt selfish in the process. I'm not sure that I love the sentence "Do what makes you happy". I guess it makes me wonder about God and where He comes into that sentence.

More than anything I want Him and I guess because of the hardships of this year happiness no longer equals the best for me. So it's amusing to me now that I'm learning to trust that this was truly a gift from Him and not just something that's going to make me happy. God wants my best. Jeremiah 29:11 promises me that. There are many more verses that remind of the fact that He's my father and more than anything He wants the absolute best for me. I often times don't know what that is and shouldn't attempt to pretend to know what it is. So I'm working on walking in the fact that He loves me, enough to bring a job into my life that I truly enjoy.

It sounds so simple. And I know that He loves me. It's amazing to me that even after all I've walked through I can still question His undeniable love for me. That's when I realize how self-absorbed I've become and have to come back to His feet. That's where I find love, in His arms, at His feet, in His word. His love for me is fundamental, the basis of my existence. It's bigger and greater and wider than I will ever comprehend. And yet that is what I'm working on; comprehending a fraction of His amazing love for me and the FACT that He wants to give us gifts.

The Real Me

2010-02-08T21:14:00.001-08:00

The real me doesn't want to be here and talked myself out of being here this weekend. I told myself that it would be easier if we just moved home and worked on saving money. I told myself how easy it would be to get a teaching job there and how we could live with family and just be around family again. I told myself it would be easy.

I'm craving easy these days. Everything within me is crying out for something easy. But that's not what we were promised. I've had a day of just living it out and experiencing the pain of not being where I want to be.

Then I remembered. Then I realized. This isn't about me. I would probably feeling very similarly if we were overseas somewhere as "real" missionaries. The grass is always greener on the other side. It always will be.

And God reminded me of when Danny and I were dating; how I ran away when it got hard because it was easier to be in control of that relationship and not be affected like it and have to work through it. I ran away from ESOL too I think. I wasn't ready to push through it. Guess what. Life hasn't gotten easier. Running away from something I'm uncomfortable with doesn't make it easier. It only means that I'm putting it off. This inevitably means that being where I think I want to be right now would really only be just as hard, if not harder, than where I am right now.

That's the real me.

relationships

2010-01-31T18:03:00.000-08:00

Church has been about church these last couple Sundays, specifically about the essence of the church. Today we talked about how it's relational. Really, this is the foundation of it all. We're made for relationship. Some of my favorites from today (per Pastor Tim):

God Himself is a community
you never break any other commandment without breaking the first one (love the Lord your God)
some people are wounded b/c they looked to the church to provide and/or be something only God can (no one is perfect, not one)
we choose our friends but God chooses the church - you don't get to choose who your family is
being relational is messy, costly, and NECESSARY

Really enjoying church and enjoying how it pertains pretty specifically to my life. Enjoying the learning process, even when it gets gross and ugly with the ones I love the most. Beauty from ashes and joy from pain.

amusing

2010-01-24T13:00:00.000-08:00

So I just posted yesterday about being comfortable and being uncomfortable and how I'm learning the difference between the two and what God's asking of me and calling me to. I believe that we're supposed to be uncomfortable. Comfort is nice, for a season, but overall we're supposed to be uncomfortable. I'm amused b/c God drove the point home today during church. We're talking about the essence of the church and we're a sent community and a scattered community. Part of being scattered means that we're sent out, we come together and then we scatter in order to bring more together. Part of being scattered is being intentional, incarnational (in the flesh), proclamational, and sacrificial. If you're a believer, you've joined the mission. It's not a choice you make later but something you became a part of when you believed. Part of the mission is counting the cost. Mission is ALWAYS going to cost you and that cost includes losing security and comfort in this world. I'm counting the cost and sticking with the program because the rewards of this mission are better than any comfort and security I could ever find in this world. I hope that you can share in my amusement of how this amazing God works:)

Ouch!

2010-01-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write for a while now. I keep realizing though that it's the same thing I've been writing about for the past 6 months basically. I'm learning about how comfortable I want to be and how that's not possible, and really not a good thing. Comfortableness keeps us in a place where we don't need Jesus as much. When we're uncomfortable we need Him more in order to find our place. We need Him more to survive and to live and to learn and to grow and to simply just BE! I need Him a lot these days. Friday was the first day at this job where I actually came home in a good mood. That was exciting!

Things I'm realizing/learning all over again:

1. Joy is choice. It's a fruit of the spirit which means it's there for the taking, but it's something to discipline yourself to. Happiness is not promised but joy comes in the morning for those who choose it. I'm working on choosing joy, every single moment of every single day.

2. This truly is the hardest thing I've ever done before. I'm alone during the day, interacting with clients who don't have many verbal skills, if any. I'm a talker. I like to interact. I need people relate to. This is hard. But we knew it was going to be hard coming out. We spoke it out that it was going to be hard. Now we're really walking in it. Thankfully, we're learning through it.

3. Just because I'm upset doesn't mean that I have to stay upset. I can release those emotions, lay them at the cross, and move on. Is it easy? Heck no!!! But it's something I can and should do.

4. We won't be where we are forever. We're in a season of transition, getting things to all fit into place. But we won't be here forever. Here in LA or here emotionally or here financially. God doesn't promise me that I'll be happy and life will be perfect, but He does promise good things. He loves me and wants the best for me. How can I not look forward to what that is?

So my attitude is changing daily. Or I'm at least working on changing it daily. We're working on our finances and getting them a place that feels better. We're working on finding our niche in the midst of letting go of where we were. All in all, God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good.

Award....

2010-01-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Mindi passed along a "Beautiful Blogger Award" to me recently. I haven't been to copy and paste the image but I am to reveal seven random things about me. I figured I can't do one but I'll do the other:)

1. I want comfortable but I'm learning to find peace and joy in the One who created me instead.

2. Teaching is my heart and I miss it but I'm working on implementing it into who I am, not just what I do.

3. I don't know how long we'll live in LA and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

4. I don't know if we'll ever have kids of our own. We talk about them randomly and we both want at least one, but the timing never seems right. For those of you who have kids, trust me, I've heard the line you want to tell me about timing never being right:)

5. We are paying the same amount of rent as we were paying for our first little apartment back in IN when we first got married. That was an amusing thought today.

6. I miss my family more than anything.

7. I have only been under anesthesia/in the hospital to have my wisdom teeth removed. Knock on wood!

Thanks Mindi! I hope that was random enough for you!

Moving Forward

2009-12-31T16:44:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about home as the holidays have been upon us. Home is a lot of different places these days. I've also been thinking about people and how much I miss the ones I love. I know I've said this before. Along with these thoughts of missing people though I've also been missing teaching. I've come to realize that all these things I'm missing are things that have made my life very comfortable in the past. I miss the things that have made life easy. Not that I didn't needed to rely on the Lord during these seasons of being surrounded by loved ones and a job that I was enjoying, but I was comfortable. We were both comfortable. Life was easy, and we really didn't know how easy it was.

I was listening to a song the other day called "Moving Forward" by Ricardo Sanchez. As comfortable as I was, I am the opposite here. I am currently in a job that I'm really excited about, but it's not teaching. Teaching brought a lot of stability that I wasn't aware of (probably part of the reason I wanted to do and knew I was supposed to be doing it) until I got out of it. This song reminded me though that it's not about staying where I'm at or looking back but continuing to move forward. If I stay in the same place how will I continue to grow? If I don't let go how will I experience what new things He has for me/us here? I won't. It's a struggle as I definitely don't want to leave behind what He has done in the past and the people and relationships He's built, but I have to remember to keep moving forward and push ahead to what He has in store next. It's a journey and as much as I loved the last destination and all that it held, it's time to move forward.

Happy New Year friends. Move into 2010 with great expectations of all that He's going to do in the coming months.

Blessed

2009-12-21T22:10:00.001-08:00

So blessed. Here's the bullet list.

Danny got a job today that will entail a regular paycheck. He's actually taking over my "old" job. We're excited about the chance to have multiple paychecks on a regular basis again. He'll also still be able to do work on the side.
Danny's been working on a government project that involves After Effects. Think special effects that make things look pretty. We're so thankful for Joff for bringing this opportunity along.
I have a new job working with kids with autism. It's challenging; enough that I'm literally learning every single day on the job. It's super hard and trying emotionally. Therefore I'm learning to rely more and more on the One that keeps my emotions straight. The amazing part is that I love what I do and can't wait to go full time. I know it's going to be stressful and difficult, but these kids are great.
We have a church we really enjoy where we're finding and building relationships that we really enjoy. We're blessed to be in a Bible teaching church.
We have been paying bills in LA for the last 5 months almost. We've lived here almost 6 months. I'm pretty amazed by this on a regular basis. I truly have no idea how it works. When I look at our money through my eyes it doesn't work. When I trust the Father, it always does. He's amazing.
Family and friends - even though they're spread across the country. We both had a hard Sunday in church, singing carols and missing family like nothing else. This is the first Christmas EVER that either of us has been away from family completely. It feels so much different this year knowing we're not going to be seeing the people we love so much. It doesn't feel like Christmas. We're working on just relaxing and enjoying the little time off. So many changes this year.

So those are the big ones. I'm thankful for our apartment, for our roommates, and for my husband. Life amazes me often here. I'm often reminded of my great need for Him and reminded that we wouldn't be here without Him. He's the reason for all that we are and all that we're doing. I'm blessed to be reminded of this daily. I'm blessed to know that I'm human, not perfect, but that I can rely on the Perfect One to get me through every single day. He will not fail me nor forsake.

May you be blessed and enjoy all that the holidays bring.

Lessons

2009-11-29T15:32:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm finally beginning to learn some of Satan's tactics that he uses here specifically. He steals joy, he steals time and makes relationships really hard to keep, and he lies and steals truth. These are biblical, mind you, but I don't feel like I've ever seen these tactics used so blatantly before. The people that I come in contact with on a daily basis; I can see them in their lives. I can see them in my own life. I see the effects of them all around me. I think I've talked about LA being a world in and of itself before. This just goes along with that. The fall of man is evident everywhere. I grew up in a nice little conservative town where it was taken for granted that everyone was in church, or at least knew about going to church. Even when we got to FL it was a similar situation. That's just not the case here.

With these tactics of the enemy I'm working on learning how to fight. I've had a really emotional week. I was waiting to hear back from an interview that I really wanted and I was putting my trust and hope in that instead of in my Creator. Not a good choice. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me despite my flaws, and celebrates good news no matter what. I got the new job but it's part time hours at first until there are enough clients. I'm working for Autism Behavior Interventions. I'll be working one-on-one with kids with autism to help them learn new behaviors. The training is scattered across the work day so this coming week I'll be at Massage Envy, ABI, and then tutoring as much as possible. It looks really crazy on my calendar and so my motto has become to take it one day at a time. I can't do more than that and I'm not asked to. I'm excited about this new job and all that it brings with it but it's going to be tricky scheduling until it's full-time and until I finish my tutoring hours with 4 of my 6 students. But I'm choosing today not to worry and to trust in my Creator. He's in control and I'm not. He is my security.

Another tactic I've noticed is that the enemy likes to isolate people here. We're all trying to make it and there is no job security. We're all trying to catch up on debt, pay off debt, keep up with all the bills, and then have some extra cash to play with. That means we're all busy working. Working and being away from people keeps you from sharing, keeps you from being vulnerable and living in community. We can't live without people. I know I personally need a community to be involved in where I'm learning from others and have the opportunity to give as well. This is hard when everyone is involved in lots of things and has no time. So I'm relearning what it means to be intentional about relationships. It's hard but I know it's worth it, and it's necessary in my life.

Finally Pastor Tim talked about suffering in church today. It was really great to be reminded of the fact that no matter what suffering might feel like to me today, it's all worth it when compared to the glory that comes in the end. We suffer with Christ. It's part of our conversion. We were never promised a life of wonderful happiness. We are promised to be cared for and to have joy. Joy is different than happiness. It's more and more about choices and suffering comes along with that. Rejoice in all things. All things.

I want to catch up with all of you, friends and family. Time is not available right now, especially with the difference for those of you out of state. I have been missing home a lot lately and that entails all of the places I've lived and those who have been a part of those seasons. But I'm learning and know we're where we're supposed to be. Joy comes in the morning:) Love to you all. Be blessed during the holiday season that is upon us and choose joy!

Jesus

2009-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

Church has been really great the last 2 weeks, leaving me feeling like I need to blog and write it all down. Then I get home and it's just not there. So here goes nothing.

This week he jumped into Romans 8:12-13. We'll be here 2 weeks in a row. I truly enjoy how Pastor Tim can divulge 2 verses and pull them apart to the point where it takes 2 weeks to get through. These 2 verses talk about killing sin. That was today's title. He was completely passionate about the fact that where our country is with evil and violence is in direct relation to the fact that the majority of us do NOT kill sin in our lives. We let it hang out and reason with us about staying right where it's at. Sin should not be at home in our lives. He likened sin to cancer. Do we have mercy on cancer? Not one bit. Sin should be seen the exact same way; show no mercy and get it out. Unfortunately with cancer there is no cure. With sin, we have Jesus. We have the Holy Spirit. We have all the tools we need in order to be successful in getting sin out of our lives. And yet we reason with sin, and we reason with Jesus. Can't I let you be in control of everything except for this one little bit of sin that I really like having around and holding onto? That's not how it works. Kick it out and don't let it return.

More and more I'm learning this is not an easy process, for anyone. We all have our sins that we're dealing with. No one is perfect. I know I have tendencies to get it rid of sin in certain ways and those aren't always correct either. I need Jesus. Straight-up. Nothing else is going to cure this cancer I have. And it doesn't feel good; just like chemo and radiation don't feel good. But when it works, you do whatever it takes to get healthy right? Really good word. Great reminder of truth.

I wrote last time about LA not being home. That's a continual process for me. Sometimes I feel like it's getting better and then something happens that makes me miss everything and everyone else in my life. I think part of it is the sheer process of transition and finding new friends. We have great people in our small group and at church and others we've met through work, don't get me wrong. In talking about getting sin out at church today Tim also talked about the need to have people in our lives to help with this process. I know I have spoken some harsh truths to close friends in the recent months and I'm thankful that they've accepted it for what it was and took it in the love I was hoping to give. That's part of being friends that I love. And maybe that's something I haven't completely found here yet. Partly I don't know that I've opened up completely to people yet and really let them speak into my life like that, and partly I'm not sure if I've found those people here.... yet. I anticipate they're all around me. I have also been amazed at the busy-ness of people's lives here. We're all trying to make, working towards something and spending all our time doing it. There's very little down-time and it's super hard to actually spend quality time with people. I met a friend at work a couple months ago and we've gotten together for dinner once. We haven't been able to since b/c our schedules clash so much. I miss the regularity of my teaching job. There was so much in my life that was comfortable simply b/c I was teaching. That's probably part of all this change in my life and realizing the differences of being here.

All this to say - kill sin, and love people. I love people and I love giving. I am also relearning some boundaries in my giving though b/c I can easily give too much and be completely spent on one person. That's not healthy. So much learning. Not much time to spend learning it. And working on living it. Working on just being and enjoying life for all it is here. So many many amazing people here.

PS though. I miss and love every single person in my life that I'm not seeing and talking to on a regular basis. That means those of you in IN, in FL, around the world, and spread across this beautiful country. With the sermon today I was just reminded of the goodness and joy of friends who have spoken into my life about things that need to change, with love. Thank you for loving me enough to want what's best, even when it's hard to say.

New revelation

2009-10-27T21:35:00.001-07:00

Since I last posted my husband has come home, we have become official Californians by getting licenses and license plates, and we celebrated my birthday. I'm amazed that October is almost over already. I'm listening to Christmas music as I type, working on getting in the spirit. It will be very different without family this year but I'm hoping we'll make some great memories despite the fact.

Last time I wrote I mentioned I was praying about teaching. As I was sitting tutoring tonight, God spoke straight to my heart. I was just telling Danny last night that I wasn't comfortable here, in a good way. It makes me uncomfortable to be because it's out of my comfort zone. It makes me not want to stay here forever, but I'm ok with staying as long as God needs us here for. I truly living here; there are just things I miss about other places of the country, and especially missing people in other places of the country. So we were discussing this last night and just trying to figure out where to go from here and what it all means. We didn't get very far. And I was ok being discontented. This world is not my home.

So I'm tutoring today. God speaks that my teaching degree isn't so much about being in a classroom with students as it is about being versatile. Our life is unstable and that's ok. I have a degree that can be used in many ways. I am to use my degree to teach in whatever setting is available and necessary for the given time. I am a teacher. That's a huge part of who God has made me to be. What I need to do is learn to use this gift in whatever capacity He opens up for me. It's not just about being in a classroom, as much as I enjoy that and am comfortable there, but about being willing. The funny part is Danny has been trying to tell me this for years, since we first started dating really, but it was never something I wanted to hear. Now, being where we are and just feeling uncomfortable, I was ready to hear it. So will I teach in a classroom again? I truly don't know and I'm ok with that. I'm continually learning to be done with whatever plans I thought about and trusting that God will always guide and direct my path to where He needs me in the timing He needs that to happen. My God is amazing!

keeping up

2009-09-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

Well I'm definitely not doing a good job of that on here but that's life right now.

I'm currently working 7 days a week. I hope I'm not repeating myself here. I work as a receptionist at Massage Envy 5 days a week. One great perk about this job is getting a free massage once a month. We have over 30 therapists so I need to get to know each of them and what they're like as a therapist so I can recommend them to clients who come in. It's a stressful job for numerous reasons but not horrible.

Beyond that I am tutoring 5 kids. 4 students are through a company that is getting grant money for helping out students because of the No Child Left Behind act. These 4 are all in elementary school. They get 34 hours before the end of April but I'm learning quickly that I don't really like working for the government; there's a lot of paperwork that has to be filled out exactly how they say. My 5th student is in 8th grade at private school and, really, he's my favorite. I think it's because there's no restrictions with him, his mom is great, and I really like him too. With all those, 7 days a week is my norm right now.

With working that much I'm learning to take things as they come. I think I used to know how to do this but kinda forgot when we were in FL and life was easy and comfortable. I'm learning to enjoy each day for what it holds and not let little things ruffle my feathers. This is not where I want to be in 5 years, let alone the end of this year, but it's where I am today and so I'm working on giving my best with each job I go to. I'm also learning about the instability of living here. No matter what industry you're in, you're really not promised anything. Even in education, I could get a job this year but next not have one because I would be at the bottom of the totem pole. This is different than anything I've experienced so far and makes me rethink life and what God's asking of me. I know Danny's industry is unstable. Even if you're good at what you do and get called back time and again, there are still going to be periods where you don't work and have to look like everyone else. You are not promised anything out here.

With all this instability I'm praying about teaching. I know it's what I'm called to do but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm supposed to be back in the classroom. I'm enjoying tutoring for the most part and feel like the relationship I have with each of my students is already much better than any of those I've had in the last 2 years teaching a classroom full. It feels like life is supposed to be different here and I'm just trying to figure out if that's true, or what that looks like, or I'm supposed to stay on the same track I was on before.

Going back to Danny, I haven't seen him in a week and a half. I'm thankful for this because he's working and making contacts. I don't love it though and I'm excited to have him home again. He could be back tonight but we're hoping he'll stay on until Oct. 3. He's a Production Assistant (PA - thanks Joffrey:) on a show where they do eliminations. That simply means that as the contestants get eliminated they also send home some of the PA's because they don't need them anymore. So far he's proven himself I guess. He's quickly learning the rules of working long hours and being away from home. When he left I just had to remind myself that this is only the beginning. I'm sure there will be times when he's away for longer periods, especially if he gets to work on a feature at some point. All new things to figure out as they come.

Overall we're doing well. We're paying bills which feels good. We're involved in church and really appreciating the relationships that are growing there. We're enjoying the area that we live in and the proximity of downtown. I'm thankful really. I'm glad we're here and thankful for the challenges we're learning through. More and more I realize how comfortable we were in the past 2.5 years. If was nice and there were times I thought we weren't comfortable, but being here makes me realize how much we had. I'm glad to be learning things again though and walking through life with a firm grasp on the one stability I know, the Father. I'm realizing more and more that without Him, none of this is possible, and He truly is the only stable thing.

checklist

2009-09-15T23:36:00.000-07:00

random list running through my head tonight before going to sleep that i feel like keeping track of:

Rochelle is thankful for -
- roommate bonding
- new friends that make life interesting and worth being here for
- stressful and challenging jobs that provide opportunities for constant growth and attitude adjustments
- blessings
- time with Cooper, even when he does his business and I don't have a bag to clean up after him with
- old friends that mean that world to me
- family that loves and supports us from afar
- the ability to pray for family and know that they are taken care of
- the precious love of a God that cares about me. I was so stressed out at work today and went to the bathroom to just be alone for a minute. It was all I needed. I laid it on the line and He gave me the ability to breathe and regain strength. The rest of my shift went well and I ended up selling a few memberships. It felt really good and was such a good reminder to me about my focus and my attitude.
- conversations that challenge me and continually ask me to think about life from someone else's perspective
- church and is excited about getting back there on Sunday to worship with the family. so glad we found a place so quickly and one that we truly enjoy. i've definitely missed the last 2 weeks!
- the ability to sleep in just a little bit tomorrow.

Life is good. I was going to put some other things but the reality is that life moves on from where I am today. It's a constant process and I'm working on enjoying the season and being thankful that we're where we're supposed to be for right now. There's so much learning to be done in so many areas. Growth is good. It's not rarely easy but so necessary. I miss many things about the way life was in the past few years but I'm learning to be thankful for the season I'm in and enjoy the journey and each step I get to take.

suffering

2009-09-04T07:37:00.001-07:00

This is not something we want to talk about most of the time but I feel like it's a theme in our life right now, something we're slowly learning through.

2 Timothy 2:10 I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.

I found this verse this morning as I was doing some reading about suffering. This pretty much sums it up. There's soooo much more than I want to write about. So many things have changed in the last few weeks. They're for the good. There's a lot of learning going on right now. But time is not on my side. Just know that suffering is good for us. Don't run from it if it comes your way.

A job or two

2009-08-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

Here's the details you've all been waiting for. Ha!

We'll start with last week. I went to orientation on Tuesday and Friday to be a tutor for Academic Advantage. I tutored in Florida at one point and it's a very similar program. I am self-contracted, make my own schedule, take as many kids as I feel I can, and get paid decent money. There's a lot of paperwork involved but it's cool. I met some interesting people through orientation which was nice as well. The only "problem" with this program is I only get paid once a month so the first paycheck from them won't come until mid-October. That's a long time to wait.

On Wednesday we were went to small group finally and were blessed with new friends and fresh ideas. A couple of the girls had ideas for me of jobs they knew about. Danny was also able to connect with the guys and get a new idea. He's actually going to be working on that tomorrow; getting his name into an agency that does "extra" work (being an extra on a film or tv set). The pay is decent and it's a decent way for him to actually get on set and hopefully be able to make some connections with the crew.

Thursday I had two interviews; one to tutor and one to babysit. I started tutoring this week, outside of the previous company, with a boy going into 8th grade. He's a cool kid but definitely becoming a teenager and getting a little lazy in his work. His mom is great as well though. I'm actually getting that check this Friday for 3 days of tutoring which is exciting. Money actually coming in! Once school starts, Sept. 9! I think I'll be tutoring him twice weekly and then working the schedule out with the other 4 students I have through the company. It's going to be interesting:)

Then Saturday I interviewed with my friend's boss. The company is Massage Envy and they're just about a mile and a half away which is really nice. Once the weather cools a bit I might just start walking to work. We'll see how it goes:) But she loved me and hired me on the spot. So that's the job I've been at since Monday. I'm a receptionist and so far I've answered a few phones and scheduled a few appointments. It's going to be challenging because they have a membership that they sell in order to make massage affordable to the "average Joe." So I'm going to have to work on being able to sell a product. I did this minimally at Kohl's with the Kohl's Card but this is much more intense. It's a good product and I would do it myself if we had the money. The GREAT part about this job is that I am required to get one massage a month, on the company. I need to know the "product", or therapists, and the only way to do that is by seeing them as a client myself. I'm a little excited about that part:)

Many of you probably were aware of the nanny position that I posted about last time. I really wanted to the job b/c it would have been one of the easiest jobs I had ever done before. The funny part is that when I didn't hear from them, and as each day passed, Danny and I both were given an understanding of why I wasn't supposed to have the job. So when I was finally contact 4 days later than I was told, it wasn't really a big deal. Danny and I both realized that 1) it would keep me from being involved in church b/c of the late hours and 2) it wasn't teaching. Getting involved with a family is not like any other job. You get really attached to a family. I think it's much more difficult to leave a family than to leave any other type of job. I know how difficult leaving CIL was this summer b/c they had become family. There were a lot of them though, whereas working with a family there are very few people involved which means the relationships build faster and can get deeper. So I was sad, but not as sad as I could have been.

So things are getting better. The pay is not amazing at Massage Envy but I do get commission once I start selling. September is going to be a rough month yet but I think once mid-October hits things are going to get better. Unless Danny finds work in September and then finances will get easier faster. That's the still the prayer as he daily applies for work.

There are so many other things we're learning right now that I badly need to write about and get out of my system, but this is already long enough. Stay tuned:) And thanks for ALL your prayers!

The family

2009-08-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

Last night was a late one but worth it. I was called back for a second interview from last week's nanny interview. The mom works a lot of hours as an attorney so 9:30pm was the time she had available to meet this week. It was also one of the 3 times available between 3 girls their meeting, and maybe the only time that I would be able to meet all 3 of them. So I went with it. I figured being first has it's advantages and I wanted to make sure I met them all. I'm so glad I made the trip.

They're a wonderful family; laid-back, easy-going, active but not so busy that it's crazy, athletic, involved, communicative, incredibly mannered, and genuine. There were so many things I found in common with them like board games, video games, movie making, dogs, and sports. I felt right at home. There are 2 more interviews today and then they leave for vaca on Saturday so I'll know by then. I'm really hopeful but trusting Him. I know that if I don't get it there's another plan that I haven't quite figured out yet. But ultimately, I'm at rest and peaceful in this time of waiting.

On another note, we returned to the same church on Sunday and had an even better experience than the first time. We chatted with someone we'd met the week before, worship was better, and the teaching really hit home. They're dealing with some things as a church right now with leadership and they're all about putting it out there because that's what the Word tells us to do. It's an awesome process in that they're following the Word strictly even though it's painful. It's not something you get to see a lot of, but seeing it modeled in front of you is pretty incredible. The pastor is going through Romans right now and was in the beginning of chapter six. It was beautiful. Because of the issue at hand he also touched on the process we're supposed to use when there's conflict. A reminder that I needed in my life. Another fun part of the church is that there's a random assortment of TM alumni. It's nice having "family" around.

For the most part, this church has been great in simply the people that we're meeting. The rest of it is great but the people are wonderful and welcoming and inviting. It's exciting to be in a place where we feel at home again and actually have the opportunity to fellowship again. For now, it's home. I'm not sure what would take us from it but we're excited for where we're at right now.

Because of the pastor's series I wanted to reread Romans and catch up with him. The first couple chapters are not for the light-hearted. It's intense about sin and what you're supposed to do with it. Chapter 3 really got me yesterday, almost to the point of tears. Here is the God-man who came to earth. I got the picture of him being our hero. I feel like we have this idea of what a hero is in America but this God-man, He's our true Hero. If someone saves your life how do you repay them? By asking them to do it again and again? By continually living a lifestyle in which they have to keep rescuing you? Does that make them an even greater hero in everyone else's eyes, or even yours? Generally I think that if someone has been rescued from death, they are thankful. They generally take an inventory of their life and maybe even make some changes for the better that they didn't see before. This is the way that I think we need to thank our Hero. And the exact same concept applies to our God. As I was reading I had that fresh thought, realization even, about the fact that I don't have to die this horrible death or go to hell. The fact that my sins have been covered and I'm clean. Does it mean I'm perfect? By no means; I will never claim it. But it also means that I'm going to work on those changes instead of living in a way that I continually need saving. We're born with a sinful nature but that doesn't mean we don't have a choice. All this was so fresh as I read. Who Christ is and what He did for us. I sit in awe and humility, knowing that I don't deserve anywhere close to what He has provided.

Jobs are coming!

2009-08-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a really fun week. Monday I went walking with Lib at the Rose Bowl. I'm a pretty big fan of this place and can't wait till she comes back and I can buy some new roller blades. It's a 3 mile circle basically and a lot of people walk it. There are some low hills (think IN:) to help push it but it's a really nice walk.

Tuesday morning we hiked 6 miles through Griffith Park. It was pretty amazing. The sky was fairly clear. It didn't seem like there was a lot of smog yet so we had a good view of the city. I've heard it looks even better right after a rain. I guess I'll have to wait till the winter or next June for that to happen. We've been here 5 weeks and haven't seen a drop of precipitation. Doesn't bother me one bit. But really... we live in the desert. I still love the coolness of the morning and evening and the low humidity.

After Griffith Danny and I headed out to Santa Monica to chill on the beach for a couple hours. It was nice to be just the two of us hanging out with no worries, just enjoying the sun. We only had to pay $1 for parking for 2 hours which is pretty good for the LA area. Parking here is crazy. We hung out at Sheri and Kristen's place without them for a while. Sad they weren't there but soooo glad they left it open for us. Thanks again ladies! And then off to LAX to pick up Joffrey.

Oh yeah, while we were at the beach I got a call from a tutoring company here who tutor specifically NCLB kids. That's No Child Left Behind students for those of you not in the education field:) They're struggling students and I got asked some questions. But the outcome is that I have 2 days of training in a couple of weeks and then I'll start tutoring 8-25 hours a week. I'm excited about this because it uses my teaching abilities but leaves my hours flexible to be able to add another job in where I can. Tutoring will happen anytime after 4pm and it's decent money. So yes, that is job number 1!

It's been a rough couple weeks, I'm not gonna lie. Trusting God when things seem to be going nowhere and I'm not getting contacted back by anybody really sucks. I've broken down a couple times and Praise God for my husband. He has been absolutely amazing. We realize things could still get worse in certain areas but we're realizing that as long as He's still at the head and He's the one still in control, it's fine. It'll work out. It may not be life as we think it should be, or hoped it would be, but it's His and that's what matters.

Libby left Wednesday and it was sad. I'm soooo glad she's coming back. She's been amazing to have around. She's so full of life and energy all the time:) It's encouraging to say the least.

Today I interviewed with AppleOne. They're an agency that does temporary work or direct-hire work. Basically they help you find work until you get something permament, unless that's not what you're looking for. I found out I type 74 words per minute and I'm in. They lady actually put my resume in for a permanent position just up the road. I would be a receptionist basically, but it's full-time work. I'm not planning on teaching this year. Nobody is hiring. I've thought about subbing but we'll have to see what works out with this agency.

And then there's tomorrow. I finally heard back from a family and have an interview tomorrow morning at 9am. Two teenage boys. I'm excited about it. I have no idea how everything's going to work out but again, it's so great to just be contacted about the potential for work. I'm hoping things work out tomorrow because the boys sound like a lot of fun, active in sports and their school and what-not.

Danny's working on his production company and getting that up and running. He and Joffrey worked on price-sheets today so they're heading in the right direction. Danny has applied to a few things but having only one car and with his back, he's felt fairly limited. We'll see what happens once we figure out what's going on with me. Like I said though, he's been amazing. Whenever I've fallen apart, he's always completely encouraging and has faith that we aren't going to end up on the streets. He pulls and pushes me through so that we can keep living again.

I need to update a newsletter, especially considering we got new phone numbers today! We're still with Verizon but we changed to California numbers.We've heard rumors that if you have an out-of-state number the locals don't like to call you as much. It throws them off apparently. So we need to let people know those. And we just need to let people know what's going on. I'm hoping people read this thing but I know most people probably don't. Pretty sure I talked about updating the newsletter a couple weeks ago; guess that hasn't happened yet. That will be my weekend project. But for now, I'm off. One more thing I need to blog about was going to church on Sunday and the birthday party we went to Sunday night because of that. It was great fun. And now I'm going to a free Madagascar showing with the same people! Good stuff:)

life outside the bubble

2009-07-27T19:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021913&id=62401056&l=436eb0284f
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021910&id=62401056&l=778d400ef6
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021906&id=62401056&l=504c210505

These are just in case the last link didn't work. I'm learning I promise:)

We hung out with some friends that we met at Teen Mania, just about 9 years ago, last night. It was amazing. We talked of changes in our lives, how we're different and how life has changed. We shared stories of how we've gotten where we are. It's funny to me how so many people go to Teen Mania and change themselves completely for that year. I became introverted and kept to myself, missing out on some amazing people. Danny was the opposite. And it's very interesting to me knowing that I'm not the only one who did that. These girls were all love and as much as I was slightly nervous about the night, I came away in the same way I thought I would. Can't wait to do it again:)

The biggest thing I'm learning from last night is that life is not about being sheltered. I grew up in small-town Indiana. I don't regret growing up there. I'm not upset that my parents were conservative and kept me safe. I enjoyed where I was and didn't know any differently. The more I grow up though, the more I realize that it's good to know about life beyond yourself. You may not agree with everything that the world is doing or thinking, but it's good to know it. It's better to be able to bring it into a family discussion that's safe instead of hiding it and finding out later. Isn't it better to have a conversation about challenging views and beliefs around you where it's safe and you can talk about responses to it? That's really all I'm realizing. That and the fact that judgment sucks here on earth. I'm not perfect by any means and don't claim to be, but I had a great conversation with a friend this morning about judgment that stemmed from last night. We all judge people b/c we're all human. It's one of those immediate response things that just happens. But it's what you do with it next that makes all the difference. I'm not God, and neither are any of you. There is truth, yes, but who am I to judge people and end a relationship just because of differences. Love. Love is where it's at. There's more to it, ultimately, but that's the beginning. And that beginning can, and should, last quite a while. So like I said, I'm experiencing life outside of the box I grew up in. I liked my box, but I'm excited about how the walls of my box are expanding.

On the job front, we're both looking. I haven't heard from Kohl's or the mother. Kinda stinks but what're you gonna do?! Gotta keep pushing forward and believe that He's got it in His hands. He knows our finances. We're not doing great, I'm not gonna lie. But I believe that we're here b/c of Him and He knows our future. And fortunately I have a husband who believes the same thing and is very supportive. It's tough. Really tough. Day in and day out without work. But you keep moving forward. So there you go peeps. Lots on my mind these days and trying to keep up with it all.

Pictures and an update

2009-07-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/rochiemochie?ref=profile#/photos.php?id=62401056

I hope that you can all view these pictures. I have my profile set pretty private so let me know if anyone tries and it doesn't work. I don't love posting pics in 2 places but I can attempt it if need be.

This week marks one month since being out of Florida. It's a little strange. It means we've been CA for 3 weeks and in our apartment for 2 weeks. Everything's in our name now and bills are starting to come, which means we're really here:) Knowing that we've been out of FL that long is weird though. Time is flying SO fast that it doesn't feel like we've been gone that long. I miss my friends, our friends. It took about a year to really settle there and then this past year was just amazing with the friendships that were formed. Those are the ones I miss the most. I can't just go hang out at Kelly's pool with her and the kids; can't call Amy and Jess and head to the mall; can't get dinner with Mike & Tara; can't have Ray over to play Maria Party (btw, haven't played since we left Ray); and can't see so many other people on a regular basis that I was used to doing. These people were, and still are, my family. They were the ones I relied on when I needed something, or when something in life was falling apart. I was just reminded today of how many we actually know out here already, which is great because it gives us things to do besides searching for jobs. But it's not the same as having those close relationships. I miss them. I want them back.

I went to Kohl's today and met the head honcho. She's nice and seemed interested, I would just need to learn a new position. I also have been in touch with a woman who has a 9 month old little boy and they need a nanny. I don't think I'll be able to do both but I'm not going to make any decisions until I have to. Kohl's is almost a half hour drive. I have FINALLY completed my application packet for the state of California - fingerprints are nasty expensive by the way. Though I'm doubting I'll teach this year, it's good to have something else in my little bag of tricks to be able to pull out when necessary. I'm on a couple different nanny sites and working on applying to tutor as well. Lots of opportunities but not a lot of responses yet. I've been reminded numerous times though that it's not about my time but His time. He wouldn't call us here and then let us fail immediately. It's a faith walk every single day, but my husband is amazing and reminds me constantly where our trust should be.

Speaking of my husband, we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary on the 10th. When we got married we thought this would be the year of adding a ring or doing something big. Well I guess we did something big, though I wasn't thinking a move. I am amazed that 5 years has gone by so quickly. We have definitely had our ups and downs but I'm so blessed to be with this man. He is constantly changing and growing and learning. When I think of the man I married and the man in front of me today, it's such a blessing. I was reminded of the fragility of marriage the other day. So many fall apart. We all struggle. It's going to be a fight to have a good one. 5 years is a big deal for me, for anyone. I don't know what the years to come are going to bring but I know we've made it through some crazy stuff already so I'm thinking we'll just keep fighting.

Ooooo... I should list the places I've been so far.
1. overlook to see the Hollywood sign
2. Seal Beach
3. Malibu
4. through Hollywood
5. In-N-Out (numerous times:)
6. LAX
7. a premier showing of "Chop, Cut, Rebuild" on the Speed channel thanks to Joffrey
8. The Fashion District downtown (it reminded me of the Flea Market in Shipshe:)
9. The Rose Bowl
I think that's it so far. I have so many places to go yet. If you're from Southern Cali and know of places to visit that are cheap and/or free, please make a list for me. Thanks:)

My posts tend to be random, but there's a lot of stuff going on right now and I'm trying to keep everyone up with all that's going on. I'm thinking about sending another newsletter but don't like the idea of using all those stamps:) I'm hoping everyone's keeping up with the blog, but I'm sure there are people who don't have internet. So watch for a letter sometime in the coming months. Maybe so more specifics.

The other video is on facebook

2009-07-16T18:16:00.001-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/rochiemochie?ref=profile

If you go here then you should be able to watch the other video.

Our bedroom

2009-07-16T17:08:00.001-07:00

This is just our bedroom. The other video is too big apparently. Be watching for it though.

This trip

2009-07-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

In Colorado I was so blessed to find Heidi and spend Saturday morning with her over breakfast. We went to high school and church together for a while. After that we went our separate ways but Facebook brought us back together. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t really know what to expect when catching up with her. You never really do. People change over the years. You need to change. It’s just a matter of whether the friendship will last the changes. Catching up with Heidi was great though. I had nothing to worry about. I love that our hearts beat the same in so many ways and that God made it possible to catch up on this journey. I can’t wait to see you again Heidi and I’m so glad you are where you are, doing what you’re doing.

In the past few days I’ve been able to catch up with another friend from high school days. Again, we’ve gone our different ways and had very different experiences, but Libby is the same as ever. We’re so relational and our personalities blend so well together. I think it’s been interesting for Danny to watch b/c being around Libby brings out some of who I was in high school, more than Danny has every really been around. I think it’s just been different for him to watch. We didn’t know each other in high school. But I am loving having Libby around while she visits her sister out here. We’ve realized how much we have to catch up on over the years but I’m excited that we still have a friendship after so many years apart. I’m truly blessed.

We were without Internet for about a week since we left Kurt and Penny’s Tuesday morning. It was good to not have it and be attached to the world constantly. Definitely made me realize that I don’t need it as much as I like to think I do. At the same time, I’ve realized how much I do need it to find work. There’s a lot of finger work I can do online that will save me from driving and sometimes even calling. It was hard not having a place to live because it felt like we couldn’t move forward from there. We couldn’t look for work b/c we didn’t know we’d be living and we were just stuck. It was so frustrating at times but you can only do one thing at a time. So now that we have a place, and a refrigerator, the only thing left is to find work. We have spent quite a bit of money along this journey. I realized that as I entered our many receipts. That’s why we sent out the “support” letter asking for help and letting everyone know our hearts behind this move. I know that God will supply – He already has in so many ways. But we can’t do it alone and I’m so thankful for the many prayers that are being offered on our behalf. Our future is not possible without those.

So from here, Danny and I need to work on saving some money somehow and buying a new mattress. We sold ours in Florida b/c it would’ve been too big for the trip and was 5 years old. We’re ready for a queen size. Until that time we’re sleeping on our air mattress. Luckily we found a queen bed frame so at least we’re off the floor now☺. The other big thing from here on out is finding work. Danny is a visionary and has a lot of ideas about things he can do to make money out here. He’ll probably apply to some stores in the area to have some regular income. The movie market is slow right now but is supposed to pick up again in the fall. He also has a good handful of contacts he needs to get in touch with. It’s all a process. I have a few options as well that I’m going to be looking into. So if you pray, we would appreciate them on our behalf.

It’s amazing to me that we’ve been in LA for 2 weeks already. It’s flown by, which tells me that life here goes fast. We’ve been to the ocean twice, saw the Hollywood sign, and drove through Universal. Danny met one of the main characters from It’s always Sunny today. He’s constantly saying you only live once so we need to not let opportunities pass us by. I like how he’s taking life by the horns and holding on for all it’s worth! We celebrated our 5 year anniversary on Friday night with friends. I’m amazed that 5 years has gone as fast as it has. Time has flown by. I’m so blessed by the things God has taken us through, what we’ve learned together, and how we’ve grown together. I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years entails.

So as much as we miss you all, every single last one of you from Indiana, to Florida, to Connecticut, to Colorado, to wherever else you may be around the country and the world, we’re excited for where we are and what God has up His sleeve. We love you and pray that you would take life by the horns every single day. You only live once so make it the best life ever.

PS – our new address is below. Phone numbers will remain the same for now.
420 W. Windsor Rd. #15
Glendale, CA 91204

LA

2009-07-15T14:46:00.002-07:00

We finally got into Los Angeles on June 29th. We drove into the area around 7 or 8pm so it was still light outside. There were so many emotions to experience driving in. I’ve been in Cali before for a friends wedding but it was up north around Sacramento and San Francisco. This was completely different. Danny and I know that we’re called here. We know we’re supposed to be here. There’s no question in either of our minds. But driving in… that was enough to make both us think twice. Smog. Cars everywhere. Knowing this was going to be our new home, especially after leaving Colorado and all that we had just experienced there, was difficult. Overwhelming is really a better word for it. There was so much to take in.

We went straight to Kurt and Penny’s and then straight to Joff’s to unload the trailer. Kurt and Penny were amazing in allowing us to crash on their floor with a dog that they were unaware of. Sorry Penny! But it all worked out. Tuesday we spent the day apartment hunting and getting to know the area a little bit. This is when it hit Danny and I the most I think. The realization of what we were really doing, what we’d left behind, and how big this move really was in our lives. We were emotionally exhausted Tuesday night. There was so much to take in at one time, so much to think about and make decisions about, my brain was on overload and just needed a break. That didn’t feel like an option though really so we just kept pushing forward. Luckily the more we drove around and searched for an apartment, the more we got to know the area, and the more realistic it started becoming. We had to have the conversation and making sure we really were where we were supposed to be because of all the emotions. It would have been SO easy to turn right back around and return to Colorado. But we know. And so we stayed.

We found our apartment July 5th and put in our application on the 6th. The rest of that Monday was probably one of the longest days of our lives. We didn’t really have any reason to think we would be rejected, but after looking for that long without any other really good leads was nerve-racking. We spent the day downtown Burbank just people watching and then spent the evening in Glendale. Tuesday morning when our landlord called to say we had been accepted I literally jumped for joy☺. We got everyone together, put our deposit down, and started the moving process immediately.

Lisa, Danny, and I all got our stuff moved in Tuesday and slept in our new place. We got Joffrey moved in Wednesday and then just worked on settling everything and getting out of boxes. It’s taken all week to do but I think we’re finally ready to just live. We’re in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath apartment. Joffrey and Lisa are both classmates of Danny’s from Full Sail. We’re very glad to be sharing the place with them both. Our rent is less than what it was in Florida because of sharing space which will be very helpful in the coming months.

The Wedding

2009-07-15T14:46:00.001-07:00

From the 24th until the 28th we spent time with some amazing people in Colorado celebrating the union of two wonderful friends. We slept at Scott’s house and were so blessed by his generosity, along with his housemates. Thank you so much guys! Cooper was a hit from the beginning and loved by all. We spent so much just hanging out, spending time together, catching up from years of not being together. We hadn’t seen Josh since our wedding basically and then seeing Jeremy and Mike was another great blessing.

Josh and Chelsea are a beautiful couple who fit together so well. God has truly blessed their union and blessed them with amazing family. We had heard so much about all these people that we met but never met them. They exceeded any expectations we had. Getting to know Chelsea and the wonderful women she calls friends was such a blessing for me. We gelled immediately. I cannot describe the feeling of acceptance and love that I felt from these women. Ladies, thank you so much for making me feel a part of your friendship and welcoming me in.

While Danny bonded with the boys I got to help Chelsea make candy apples for their wedding favors. We literally spent all day, about 12 hours, completing this project. It made for some great memories and a great way to get to know Chelsea and her family and friends before the big day.

The rehearsal dinner was beautiful. Josh and Chelsea had wonderful words of appreciation and love for all involved. The most beautiful part for me was when Chelsea’s dad affirmed Joshua as a man in front of all of us. There are many reasons why that was incredibly special and an honor to be a part of.

Chelsea’s family is amazing and blessed Danny and I by inviting us for to brunch Sunday morning before we took off. Her parents especially are just incredible. They took us under their wings and just let loved on us while we were in their presence. Tammy and Bruce, thank you again for your amazing hospitality and generosity. Your lives are an amazing witness.

The End

2009-07-15T14:45:00.003-07:00

From Colorado we went straight south, and then straight west. It took a while for me to think that New Mexico and Arizona were beautiful. Part of it was just me being ready for our trip to be over and seeing the same thing. Part of it was also the fact that we were driving through the desert. I had to laugh. My kids did a project on different regions of our country this year and one group did the desert. The way they decorated their landscape was just not what I thought of as desert, but I’d never really been to a desert. Being in the area, I had to admit that what they put on their project was exactly what I was looking at. The red rock is really quite pretty, just completely different than what I expected it to be like.

Driving through that region was also hard because there were many more hills and mountains than I anticipated. Coming out of Denver we could have gone across the mountains through Utah. We didn’t think those steep grades would be a good idea with our car though so we missed out on some great areas of the country. We thought that going south we would miss the mountainous areas. That wasn’t exactly how it worked though. It was actually worse than Colorado in certain areas. There were times when we were only driving about 25 mph going uphill. It definitely took us longer but it all worked out in the end. There were definitely times of frustration while climbing when we just had to keep positive attitudes and not push the car harder than we already were.

Upon crossing the California state line you have to stop. It’s like crossing the border in from Mexico sort of. We were asked if we had any food and the guy checked our trailer and let us go. I’m very glad Joffrey warned us about that ahead of time. Then we paid for our first tank of gas and realized we were officially in California!

The Beginning

2009-07-15T14:45:00.001-07:00

We left Florida on June 22 and got to Colorado on the 24th in time to have dinner with the gang. The drive there was pretty uneventful, which we were happy about. It took us getting out of Florida to really understand how to drive our little Honda Civic (4 cylinder) while pulling a trailer. Who knew that north Florida, in the panhandle, was so hilly?! Even going up the coast we definitely had some times of revving the engine up around 4000. Our transmission got a major workout. As soon as we got into Colorado it was an immediate climb. We definitely had a few miles of driving about 40 miles an hour while climbing. It was rough, especially when most other cars are flying by at the speed limit. It was even harder when trucks passed us. Yuck!

One of the great parts of this drive was passing through East Texas. This is where Danny and I met 9 years ago and where God started us on the journey that took us across this amazing country. We contemplated stopping at Teen Mania, but we really wanted to just get to our destination. It definitely brought back memories though. Especially ones of my dear friend Heather Kircher; driving her station wagon through those hills and worshipping together. Truly though, the best part of that drive was simply seeing the differences in the landscape of our country. America is quite large and completely diverse. Just going through the green south, through the hills of Texas, and then the rolling plains of the Midwest was beautiful. We were able to watch a few thunderstorms driving through Kansas that apparently were occurring in Nebraska. Being able to see for miles upon miles is something easily taken for granted. It was amazing to think about the differences and yet know that God created every single parcel of land. Our country is truly beautiful; and we hadn’t even gotten to the really good part yet!

Getting into the Denver area was pretty incredible. I’m going to run out of adjectives to describe our country pretty soon. Danny and I were there for a weekend while doing our internship with Teen Mania. I don’t remember driving in though. There was so much unoccupied land! I guess it would be considered ranch land; very hilly and not much vegetation. You really couldn’t grow things there but it was so different to see that much land fenced in, and yet with nothing on it. Staying in the area and having mountains in view every morning was a great perk. I really like Colorado and would love for God to move us there once our time in LA is done.

vacation

2009-06-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

We spent the last 2.5 days on the south side of Orlando at a resort with our friend Ray. Ray is amazing by the way. He's been incredibly giving and a true servant in the short time that I've really known him. I'm very sad to be leaving him, as well as many others, behind as we begin this new journey.

It was a great couple days though. Lots of hanging out at the pool with great people and yummy food. Said more goodbyes and took many pictures. I'm beginning to realize that I need to let the tears flow when they come. I haven't actually cried yet but Kelly mentioned that I maybe should allow that to begin b/c then Monday when we're leaving, I don't want it to all hit me at one time. I need to deal with it as it happens. Yuck. I'm not looking forward to the leaving part, though I can't wait for the things that are going to come. These people that we're saying good-bye to are truly like our family. They have been there for the good and the bad, the highs and lows, and they have given of themselves at times more than family has. They are in vicinity so it makes it easier but still. We have been soooo blessed by these people so leaving them is incredibly hard. I can only pray that God takes care of us again and provides friends who will encourage, who we can learn from, and who will become our new family. The one thing I'm excited about is the opportunity to travel and see these people we're leaving behind. I know that's going to be a while b/c of finances, but I'm believing that this is not the end and one day, there will be an amazing reunion:) So, here's to the tears that have not yet been shed. I'm not a crier but sometimes I wish I was. It might make it easier.

updated pictures

2009-06-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

Our current bedroom. We sold the bed today so we'll be sleeping on an air mattress for a while. It's actually bigger than our bed was so I'm kinda excited about that. It's funny. The lamp will not be coming along with us so it's really just our clothes in this room.

This is our dining room. Ha! There are pieces of duct tape on the floor and one on the wall. These are our marks to show how much space we will have in the trailer. The table is going along, which I'm super excited about, so it's torn down and then the other things that are currently packed. We just need to pack the kitchen and bathroom basically yet.

The living room. The chair is coming along and the pillows but that's about it. We are hoping to sell the tv next weekend as well as the end tables. The boxes are all waiting to be packed.

And this is just a picture of Cooper. He likes to snuggle with the pillows on the floor, but not us:( He was just so cute posing like this; his paws are almost crossed:)

I was really emotional last night about some different things and then was completely reminded this morning about the fact of who I am, who I'm not, who God is, and how much my circumstances matter. It was good. And necessary.

2 weeks from Monday we start our trip. 3 days of work left for me at CIL and then I need to check in with Kohl's to see if I got scheduled at all. Things are definitely winding down and I'm hoping to use the time to really prepare myself for all that we're getting into. I know I'll need it. So that's life as of today. We'll see what happens tomorrow. One of our roommates is checking out a house for us. Pray that it goes well:)

Moving stuff

2009-06-04T18:12:00.000-07:00

So Danny is off watching the first Final's game (Magic v. Lakers). It's a little late for me and I don't want to be cranky with the kids on our last day together. I was going to sit and watch a movie and here I've "wasted" all my time online. Standing at that.

It's been a funny afternoon. We had those whole pile of stuff that we wanted to get rid of. We were hoping to garage sale it one way or another. It's stuff that you can't really craigslist; small decorative stuff that you need to see at garage sales:) It's been sitting there a good couple weeks I would say. We got rid of the washer and dryer yesterday finally and so today, we both were in a random mood and decided to pack all our stuff into the laundry room. When we measured it though it was a little small (we were going for the size of our U-haul trailer). So instead, we tore down the table (I REALLY want to take it with us) and our "dining room" is now our "trailer" so that we can get an idea of space and what we can actually take. All that to say that we were tired of the other stuff just sitting around and finally just took it to Goodwill! Our apartment is so empty. No more chairs; just pillows. Random things to try and sell sitting around. The kitchen is about the only place that is still "normal."

We start our journey 2 weeks from Monday. That's the beginning. It's almost here. I have to say good-bye. These are the thoughts running through my head. Praise God for reasons to praise Him though. I was listening to a song tonight that reminded me again that it doesn't matter what my day or week has been like, there's ALWAYS a reason to praise Him. And so in the midst of my feeling like life is a bit... chaotic? I can still praise my Jesus and find peace and rest in Him. He is my rock and my fortress, the one who inhabits our praises. Even when the world is going crazy (my little world and the big world that we live in), He is the same. He is the only thing that I cling to. So even though today has been strange by letting go of more stuff and preparing ourselves more for this journey, He is God. His thoughts towards me are always good. Always. Reality settles in more on a daily basis, literally. And all I can do is rely on my Jesus. He is my peace and comfort when life is full of storms.

challenges

2009-05-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

We've been dealing with some lately. Teeth. Backs. Bodies that are falling apart a little bit. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until you were older but apparently.... we're older:) We're definitely learning that it's a matter of taking care of your body all the time and not just when it starts hurting.

As I'm sure you're aware, fixing things costs money. This is not money we were planning on spending and is also not money that we really have. It's been frustrating, not gonna lie. It's made us question what we're doing, which sucks.

I realized what we're fighting for today though. Church has been great, as always. I really like what we're learning about; it's been exactly what we have needed to hear. It's really great when God reminds me of what His purpose is. We're not fighting our finances, each other, or our bodies. We're fighting against the powers of darkness. I've been reminded that it's time to laugh in the face of the devil because we won't be stopped. Praise the Lord for dreams and for His power within.

Thanks for your prayers everyone. They are constantly necessary.

Countdown

2009-05-22T04:25:00.000-07:00

I just realized that today is May 22. We have 30 days until we leave Florida. 30 days. The washer and dryer will sell next weekend. Danny gets home today from Indiana where he was able to do quite a few photo shoots with family and friends. We're looking at some places to live and I'm still working on figuring out the district system in California. Every state is different. Thank the Lord for friends who live there or have lived there. I'm so thankful for the help people have given us and the way people are willing to help us get settled there.

One of the ladies at work left yesterday. She and her husband are moving to TN next week to be closer to family. It was a small glimpse of what it's going to be like in a couple more weeks. I've told everyone I'm holding off emotion until we officially leave, though tears are welling up as I write this. We've been so blessed here, and so well taken care of. Time for a new season though.

it's been a few weeks

2009-05-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

So I figured I should post something. Life just keeps moving. We sent out support letters about a week ago. No response really yet but we're believing that the Lord has us in His hands. He knows our plans; He's the one who planned it out. I know He will continue to provide just as He has in the past. Nothing new:)

I think we're down to about 5 weeks. There are 3 weeks of school left and then I think we have 2 weeks of being here in June. Then it's time. We've been spending a lot of time with friends lately and barely eating at home. Great for our grocery bill but sometimes not so good for our dining out bill. We need to continue to be careful about that one. Granted, it's been so much fun hanging out with people and getting to know people better, even as our time here comes to a close. It's all about relationships, no matter how much time you have with people. Gotta make the best of it all.

We've sold more things; the guitar (sad), the washer and dryer is going at the end of the month, the TV stand, and the DVD player. Our apartment is looking rather bare these days but I saw a trailer like the one we'll be pulling and.... yeah. We need to keep selling stuff. There's very little room in there. And I don't believe in taking things that we don't need. I'm all about getting rid of it. We'll sleep on the air mattress for as long as we need to.

My mom is here this weekend and then Danny flies back north with her on Monday so I'll have the week to myself. I'm hoping to exercise and get some phone calls in. I also know that I'll have work at work, and at Kohl's, to do. Report card time is coming quickly, again. End of the year is just as busy as the beginning of the year. But retention conferences are over and that's a plus. Final evaluation is over as well. June is going to be difficult. Seeing my kids go and then leaving my school for the last time. My friend Tara and I... we're going to be basket-cases the last 3 days when it's just teachers, and probably the last couple of days with the kids as well. I'm not really one who cries a lot, but Tara has been more emotional lately and when people say certain things... I know I'm going to lose it. It's good though. It'll just be hard. Probably harder leaving here than leaving IN actually. The friendships are different as we've had to work at them; we didn't just grow up with these people. And they've been our "family" when we've been all alone. I'm going to stop there. No need for tears yet. Florida has definitely become special.

a break down

2009-04-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a big week. Or so it feels.

We are selling about half of our furniture and getting rid of it on Thursday. That means our couch, computer desk, desk chair, and 3 bookshelves. We're losing a lot of seating basically. We're thinking about buying pillows to sit on the floor in order to be more comfortable. It's interesting "losing" things and getting really into the simplicity of life.

I told all my students on Monday about the move. The 3rd graders are the ones who have taken it the worst, and some of the 4th graders. Most of them were just more excited about the fact that I'll be seeing celebrities on a regular basis. I found that amusing. One of my little guys though, it hit him hard. The other teacher leaving and I had a talk with him today. He gave us both letters and money. We of course gave the money back and he was just really upset. He wanted to help Danny and I buy plane tickets so that we wouldn't have to drive all the way there! So precious. It was rough with him.

I am realizing more and more how short our time is here. I just talked to my mom tonight about coming down and it would be in 2 weeks. Then a couple more weeks and it's Memorial Day and a couple more weeks and we're gone. Gone. It's so ridiculous (that's one of my words:). I'm somewhat in denial that it's happening that fast. But then I look around me and see how part of our house is leaving in 2 days and things are getting boxed up and thrown out. That definitely helps me understand that it's actually happening. It's going to be a very sad day in June when I leave the school for good. Tara and I realized today again though how close we'll be; literally right next to each other (state-wise at least). We're both glad that we're making this trip West semi-together.

Danny just realized he won't have anything to lean up against after Thursday when playing video games. We already talked about how we need to downsize more because of the small U-haul we're getting and then how we're only going to have a bedroom to ourselves. Wow. It's going to be so different. Hopefully it'll be as money-saving as we're hoping it will be.

Above all, my peace is found in the Lord. He reminded me today of the way that He is able to work things out, even when I'm so upset about a situation. He has a way of diffusing things if we allow Him to. He's so good to us. I hope that you know that.

waiting

2009-04-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

This seems to be the story of my life right now. Waiting. It's been a good season though. Currently I'm waiting on hold to talk to someone in California about transferring my teaching license. What a fun evening.

I officially told my principal on Monday and she responded in a much better way than I was anticipating. Not that I thought it would be horrible but she was really encouraging. Considering I'm the second one from our 4th grade team leaving, that felt like something. She gave me a lot of compliments as well. As hard as she is to work for because of her high expectations, I'm thankful to have had the opportunity and learned how to deal with everything. For the most part:)

Tomorrow is 60 days until the big move out day from our complex. Each day it gets a little bit closer and a little bit more real and a little bit bigger. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but the reality is sinking in and it's definitely bigger than I initially realized. It just doesn't "hit" you until it starts happening. Especially now that I don't have a job anymore... that was one of those reality sinkers.

I'm so excited though. People continually ask me why and what has made it become official and why we can't stay. All these answers point directly to the Father. He's the author and finisher of our faith and we're doing this because not doing it would be disobedient. We know it's what He's calling us to do, even though it means leaving a place that has become home. I've already told some but I really think it's going to be harder to leave Florida than it was to leave Indiana. We're leaving friends that we've been intentional about having and getting to know and spending time with. I'm leaving an amazing community of teachers and supportive parents. I've told myself I will not cry until June so I need to stop talking about this now.

On the up side, Danny's taking pictures. Lots of them. And they're so good. I'm so excited for him. I love that he's working on opening up other avenues of income for himself by improving his photography skills. If you know him, check them out on his facebook. If you don't, check out www.millerdanny.com for some older ones. I'm so proud of him.

Well I'm off hold now so it's time to go grade papers. Let the count-down begin!

brand new

2009-04-19T16:52:00.003-07:00

This is the beginning of something new as we are starting a new season in life very shortly with our move to Los Angeles, CA. We'd love to have you keep up with us and hear about the adventures God takes us on!